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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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  1. Past hour
  2. You are really strong person I must say.
  3. Anniversaries are always hard especially when you do it solo and for the fist time. All the things you did today were, in my opinion, simply beautiful and would have made any women feel special and I know your wife would have felt the same way. The love you shared is endless ; love is not always about how many days, months or years you were together. Love is about how much you loved each other every single day. That's the kind of love Charles and I had for one another. When you come to the of your lives together, the house you lived in, the cars you drove or the things you possessed won't matter. What will matter is that you loved and was there for one another. To say I miss him is an understatement; I wish with all my heart that he was here with me and no matter how much time goes by, I'll never forget the first time he looked at me and I fell in love. Good days give happiness; sad days makes you heartsick; worst days give lessons and the best of days, give memories. Sometimes we need those sad days to help us appreciate the truly happy ones., I know in my heart that we will meet our loved ones again in another life someday and those special times will once again be shared; only this time, it would be for eternity. I know you are feeling pretty sad, so I won't tell you to have a wonderful day; instead I'll just say to you *Hold On*. As the darkest days start to get less, the sun will rise again for you. Stay Strong; you are in my prayers.
  4. Lost of my husband best friend

    Do not worry about fitting in here! You were led to this forum and are exactly where you need to be. With others who know and "get it" in losing a soul mate. While true that some of us are further along our journey, we will always remember the day we lost our loves, and the days, weeks, months following. It feels like yesterday and a life time all at once. it has been 13 months and counting for me. I think of my husband constantly and pray for a speed up to the day we will be reunited again. Probably not a healthy way of looking at it, but some can find the ability in moving forward and some of us find it too hard and lonely to do that.Everyone has to follow their own grief journey.
  5. Azipod, Proud of you for having the courage for getting through a difficult day. Yes, those special days are hard, but what you chose to do in honor of your anniversary is touching and I'm sure your wife was with you in spirit. They don't forget their life here and the special days. Love is always a continual bond.
  6. Yesterday
  7. Lost of my husband best friend

    Thank you KMB for the kind words. I am new here so I hope I fit in. We do whatever we can to survive this very sad time in our lives but it is just soooo hard to not think constantly of our loss, I do my best to hide my intense grief to everyone but night is always the hardest to bear. I want to also say how sorry I am for your loss and I know we feel the same. There are no words for the hurt inside that we carry day after day. I think it is cute you sleep with a hat under your pillow and I have no doubt it helps in a way that only we ourselves can understand.
  8. Hi, I'm new

    I haven't posted on here in quite a while. I'm doing pretty good. I've stayed incredibly busy, which has helped a lot. I still break down and still think about him every single day, all day long. I still haven't moved much in the house. His clothes are still in our closet exactly where he put them. Bathroom is the same. His 3-in-1 shower gel is in the same spot, although I've used it a few times just to smell him. It's still hard for me to totally grasp that this really happened. I think back to when we met and all the things we did and went through and think, "I had no idea at the time, but he was only going to be with me for..." such and such amount of time. I still feel his presence and still see myself as with him. I've wondered if that will ever change. I miss him terribly. I have a little story to share. Thad was a history teacher. I would help him set up his classroom before the start of school and decorate it a bit. He had a bookend that was a bust of Abe Lincoln. I had set it on top of some books facing the classroom since he didn't really need it as a bookend. One day I was in his classroom and noticed that Abe had been turned around so you could see the back of his head. I laughed and asked if Abe was in time out. He laughed and asked his class who did that. Fast forward to now. I've had his things from his class packed up in our house. I set Abe on the floor while going through some stuff and just never put him back. He faced me all summer while I sat in the chair at night watching TV. I would talk to Thad asking him to turn Abe around hoping one day he would figure out how. Then I'd know he was here with me. All summer it never happened. One night after my daughter had come back from spending the summer at her dad's, I noticed that Abe was turned around. I couldn't believe it. I made a mental note to ask her if she had turned him around, hoping she'd say no. The next day I asked her, and she said yes. I was bummed but laughed a little and asked why. She giggled and said, "He's in time out!" In my mind I think he wasn't quite sure how to turn Abe around haha so he waited until the little one came home and had her do it! I wholeheartedly believe that they're still with us : )
  9. Signs

    Signs could be appearing, but they are so subtle we don't notice them for what they are. When I am feeling really low, someone will stop in or someone will call. I take those as signs. When I am dealing with a financial/mechanical problem or I'm about to forget about a bill that is close to being overdue, the solution or a reminder pops into my head. My husband was great about being there for me when he was here. I know he is still with me now.
  10. Lost of my husband best friend

    Never ending pain, I like your sign on name. It is very fitting for what we are enduring. We are going to carry this pain in our hearts the rest of this life. I wear my husband's t shirts. Especially through the long, lonely weekends. I'm short, so they hang down to my knees and the sleeves come past my elbows. I don't care. I also sleep with one of his hats under my pillow. We do whatever we need in order to cope. I am sorry you lost Bill. Our losses are the hardest part of life we have to go through.
  11. 1st Wedding Anniversary without my wife today

    Hi, Azipod. I haven't posted on here in a while. Every now and then I stop by and read a few posts and just "sit" with those that know how I feel. I just wanted to say that as difficult and sad as today is, I think it's wonderful that you've made this day count. Thank you for sharing it with us.
  12. Stay strong bud. Don’t have anything else to tell you. Stay strong.
  13. Loss of an Adult Child

    This first picture is take in Banff National Park about a 45 min. drive from my sons home. The other is the lake and beach by our cottage. Hopefully this poem will bring a sense of peace as you look at the water. It was written by Robert Taylor. I hope that everyone found some sense of peace in their day today. My canoe is on the shore, At rest. Moonlight dances upon placid waters As another memorable day Draws to a close. The paddle sleeps As does the paddler. Secure in the confines of a forest glade. Millions of stars sparkle through the pines While the night passes At dawn Its bow will seek a distant shore.
  14. Don't know what to say

    it is always the little things that bring the most pain. All those little things added up to who we love so very much.
  15. Update: visiting a meduim

    That's the important thing - it helped you. Although I don't believe in mediums, I do believe his spirit is with you; it never left you. He's in spirit form and that's why you can't see him. I also know that someday, you will be reunited and this time will be forever. I am also glad she restored your faith in God.
  16. This morning I wept

    The whole world needs saving. Besides donating to reputable agencies, the best we can do is pray.
  17. 5 months...extreme ups and downs

    caiteh Wow! Your story is so sad and I can only feel for you and the loss of your Adam. No one, absolutely no one should have endured what you did. It's difficult enough just losing someone, but having to endure such abuse from his family is just unbelievable. Adam had his demons true enough; but they were his demons and the only way he could have defeated them was to embrace them, accept them and try to overcome them. I'm sorry he did not have the strength to overcome them; but know that you did all one could have done. The gall of his family trying to blame you for his actions. Some people have a gift to be great manipulators. They will lie, cheat, treat you badly and somehow manage to make it all seem like it's your fault; it's just what they do. They want to look good while making you look bad. Don't fall for it or them. Toxic people are just that - toxic. I don't care if they are family, friends, casual or new acquaintances, or strangers you don't have to make room for people who cause you pain or try to make you feel insufficient or small. You don't ever have to feel guilty about removing them from your life. If people, family or not, disregard your feelings, ignores your boundaries and continue to treat you in any harmful way (physically, mentally, or spiritually) they simply need to go. I commend you for staying with Adam as long as you did after realizing his relapse with drugs. It is apparent you stayed not only because you genuinely loved the man, but his son as well. You had plans on getting married and making a life together. Addiction affects the entire family and is the only disease where the locks are on the inside. It not only eventually kills the addict, but it also kills the family, kids and people who try to help. You are a good person; you tried and gave all you could to a person you loved. Know that's all you could have done. Being with an addict could be very demanding and difficult; if there was a burden, I'd think it was Adam on you. Don't think of yourself as a burden to your family; after all, that's what families are here for - to uplift one another in times of troubles. I too am a believer in prayer and God. Continue to pray; HE hears more than we ask; gives more than we imagine; and will answer when we least expect it - in HIS own time and HIS own way. I hope you continue to post. I truly believe there are lessons we need to learn; God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons we could learn in no other way.
  18. I lost my wife just shy of 3-months ago. Today would have been our 6-year anniversary. It's been a difficult day, certainly not anywhere close the worse, but I've been under control, emotionally, for the most part. My wife always valued our anniversaries.... so I decided to take the day off work today. I started the day with a 12-mile bike ride around our community. I also rode to the neighboring city where we had our wedding. At the golf-course where we had our wedding, I spent some time underneath the the front of the gazeebo where we exchanged our vows. I stood at the exact same spot, faced the exact same direction, where I looked into my wife's eyes when I told her that I would spend the rest of my life with her. Also from this position, I also took a few minutes to re-live the moments I had when I first saw her coming down the aisle in her wedding dress. Then, I went next door to the reception hall to re-live some moments from our wedding. I also took a few minutes to stand on the dance floor where we had our first dance as husband/wife. Afterwards, I went to a florist to pick-up sunflowers (her favorite flowers) before I headed off to the cemetery. Once there, I trimmed off the stems so that the sunflowers would fit the vase well. Once this was done, I set them aside next to her headstone. Then I laid out a grass cover and took out 2 lunches. One for her, and one for me. I lit 3 incense and we had lunch together. I didn't have much to say. I cried a bit, but my entire intention was to be able to spend "some time" together because I knew today would be a very special day for her. I hope she was able to re-live some of our wedding with me today in spirit. I know she would have given a thumbs up for today. The day isn't over, it's only 2:30 PM here. I'm not sure how the rest of the day is going to go, but if my emotions are in check, I should be able to make it through the day without much difficulty. Tonight, I'm going to go out on my own for a prime-rib dinner. It's just a little bit of something for me to pat myself in the back. All in all... it's been a pretty sad day.
  19. Two Months...

    TooDevastated, We have all been there, are there. Be patient with yourself. Our grieving is a process that can take a very long time to adapt to. The intensity, our thoughts, our emotions, do change over time. If our bodies and minds were not equipped to handle grief, we would have not lasted as long as we have. The grieving does change little by little, over much time, due to our patience and our efforts at the work that grieving requires. You are still fresh in this, and like Kay said, you are where you can expect to be. (HUGS)
  20. Does anyone else feel this?

    We all fell same way. I take out her stuff to give some things to others but then keep it back. Still feel her smell in her clothes which are still in her closet. Sometimes walks like zombie slowly slowly thinking about her. I have been one year out and sometimes it looks like 15 min and sometimes 15 years. Manoj
  21. Signs

    Yes I am and I thought you were mentioned the same song. Hope you keep getting signals... I am still waiting. Manoj
  22. Does anyone else feel this?

    Yes, and that's where I want to be; the past, when I was happy, when my Charles and I were together, when I looked forward to my life and its purpose, when challenges were something I knew my Charles and I could overcome together; when love was life and life was worth living - it was very special. Some people will tell you that if you don't leave your past in the past, it may destroy your future. They will tell you to live for what today has to offer, not for what yesterday took away. And that may be true for some people - but not for me; I don't see a future for myself and that's OK - I'm willing to live with that. Oh sure, I'll continue to exist and be there for my children, watch my grandchildren grow and hopefully become more active in whatever I choose to do. But when my Charles left this earth, my future went with him. I think I know when to stop; I know when to let things go; I know when to move on. The hard part is "I KNOW" is different from *I CAN* because its so hard to move on from someone who gave you so much to remember. For those who can, Kudos, to them, I applaud them, I'm truly happy for them - I JUST CAN'T.
  23. horrible guilt and shame

    AJWCat, KayC, thank you both. Perhaps you're right. Maybe our beloved ones prefer to be alone when they pass on. I will try to keep that in mind when the dark thoughts come.
  24. How long?

    I am so sorry for your loss and know only too well the pain you're experiencing. You're right not to think your way of out this, because you can't. As far as I see it, grief is constant and never truly ends and you're right, it changes its intensity. It may become softer over time, gentler, and on some days, may feel sharp as a razor's edge. It's simply the way absence of your loved one manifest in your heart. Like a thick, dense fog; Some days the heavy fog may return, and the next day, it may recede; but always a constant flow of joy, pain, and love. I'm a believer in God, faith and prayer and it is my belief that we will see our loved ones again - no doubt in my mind. The earth is not our home; we're merely passing through it. We all have a purpose and task while on this earth and when we have completed that task, we too will be taken home - Heaven. Although the Bible doesn’t answer all our questions about life after death, it clearly tells us that we can look forward to heaven’s joys when we die, if we know Christ. Our loved ones have completed their task on this earth and are now in the presence of God and nothing evil or harmful will ever touch them again. As painful as it is for us who are left behind mourning their passing, the angels are rejoicing their return to heaven. Scripture is true and in Revelation 21:4 it states that, "HE will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death, sadness, crying or pain. All the old ways are gone". Why would anyone not want to go there? Too often when there are arguments, misunderstandings, bickering, and/or quarrels right before a love one dies, we have the tendency of blaming ourselves. I'm glad, in your case, that was not the situation. My Charles left this world knowing how much I loved him; I always told him that and I'm so glad I did. I hope you continue to post; know that you are in my prayers. At the end of the day, all you need is God's Peace, Hope and Strength. Peace to heal your soul; Hope knowing that it will get better, and Strength to hold on until it does.
  25. Have to do the unthinkable soon.

    toyota, Your post tugged at my heart. My dog is 11 and has tumors. They are not cancerous though. Some breeds are more prone than others to fatty deposit tumors, especially in their senior years. My dog has one just above his rib cage and the other is on his opposite side on the abdomen wall area. I keep them monitored.He also has a small growth tumor on one of his lower eyelids. I had that one tested last winter and it is not cancerous. Dogs can live out their life span with these tumors.They only need to be removed if they get too large and make the dog uncomfortable or hinder movement. You didn't say if your dog's tumors are cancerous. I hope they are not. I also lost my husband last year and without my dog and cat, I do not know how I would have made it this far without them. We used to be our own little family of four, now we are three. I miss my husband so much and don't even want to think about losing my pets. My cat is 12 and she is healthy and hope she stays that way for many years. My dog's life span is between 12 to 15 years. I try to just keep my mind from going to a dark place and focus on enjoying the time I spend with my pets. KayC brought up some good points to you. Please do not worry yourself about selling your home or anything. We don't know what tomorrow may bring and worrying about the unknown just drives us more bonkers. Take each day as it comes. Hopefully your dog will be with you for a long time yet. Sending prayers to you for comfort and peace.
  26. Sick with grief and guilt

    I know how it feels....their absence is so painful. I wish I could say something that would make you feel better...I am dealing with this everyday too. Though it doesn't take the pain away, I think it helps that you won't be returning to your old house where all the memories are. KayC has me covered...We're all together in this.
  27. Lost of my husband best friend

    I wear Bill's shirts sometimes as well as sleep with a old tank shirt he used to wear under my pillow still after almost a year. Do not let anyone tell you it's not right to wear a loved ones clothes. For me it makes me feel just a little bit closer to him even though the smell of him on them have faded long ago.
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