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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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  2. It really is an excellent article.
  3. My sister, TooDevastated

    God I was so afraid this might have happened. I even messaged a few other people here to see if they had heard from her. I’m so sorry she’s gone. Your sister was one of the few people I felt truly understood how I was feeling and she really helped me. I’m so sorry
  4. My sister, TooDevastated

    I am out of word. I am really sorry.. TooDevastated came online about the same time as me...
  5. Today
  6. My sister, TooDevastated

    I have recently started to go through my sister's e-mails and only then I discovered that she had been on a forum such as this. I saw that some of the people here has sent her messages and people are supportive of each other on a forum like this. So, I thought those who care about "TooDevastated" deserve to know. We lost my sister on 2nd of November. Coroner's office called mum and told her the Latin terms etc but it was due to weight loss and heart failure. We held a beautiful funeral for her on Sunday. Thanks Djh0901kc, Azipod, KayC, KMB, Ka9219 and others for being there for her when she needed it the most. I cannot believe she felt so lonely and we have not given her more support. We were never very close together and she has always been an independent person so I gave her space thinking she'd rather be alone. I will never forgive myself. I can't believe my beautiful sister died (or in other words, killed herself!) from sadness of the loss of a guy who hardly deserved her and could never be her match. My sincere advice to everyone here: Nobody is worth dying for. Live your life to the fullest possible.
  7. Loss of my precious mother

    Dear Whit B, I'm sorry for your loss of your mom. I understand every word you said because I feel the same. Its 10 months for me. Its real and yet it doesn't feel real. It takes such a long time to process and the layers of emotions unfold constantly. Yes its overwhelming. Its a more painful day for you today the one year anniversary. I hope you can honour your mom in a beautiful way today and do whatever you need to do for yourself to be ok.
  8. KayC this article is excellent. I hadn't given much thought to that point of view. I enjoyed reading this, thank you for sharing.
  9. I really didn't feel like you were being a jerk either
  10. Will it ever get better?

    I'm sorry for your loss. I really am. It's a very sad club to belong to :/ I think we are all worried about the holidays. This will be the first Thanksgiving for me without Kevin in 30 years...and Christmas Day is the day he died last year. I wish there were a fast forward button so that it won't hurt so much. I truly wish I could put a timeline on how long it takes to get better...I'm less than a year into loss of my husband. I lost my mom in 2003...and I still think of and miss her every day. The physical hurt has dulled a bit with her but the loss of Kevin is still as raw as can be. Hang on to hope that things will get better. They won't be the same but I cannot imagine that things will hurt so much forever.
  11. Will it ever get better?

    What you are feeling is normal. Even though I have progressed, there is still a part of me that just wants to die. That way, I can be with my wife and don't have to deal with this for the decades left in my life. The roller coaster feeling you described in your post is normal as well. It's actually a reflection of you progressing as well. Earlier on during my grief, someone said that "You will feel worse because you are getting better." I didn't know what this meant. But now that I've experienced it, I know exactly what it means. Things will always be up and down. The fact that you are experiencing up and downs means that you are progressing -- working through the grief. That's not to say everything is good and dandy. But at least you are traveling forward, facing the grief like you are suppose to. Hugs to you too!
  12. Lost bf

    Try not to think about the future. I still have to live in the moment. I don't even look more than a few days forward. It's the only I can carry on. Thinking about the future is scary. Gone is the security, the hope, the plans of fulfilling life dreams together. It's all gone. Who knows what's in store for us. Whatever it is, it's not going to include our loved ones. It's sad and scary at the same time. I just try to do what I can do to survive at the moment, and just worry about the present day. As for the Holidays or any other special day, I think it does help in those cases to have some plan as to what you are going to do. Not having a plan might be too miserable if or when the emotions get intense.
  13. Loss of an Adult Child

    I had to download the picture of the tree. Although when I was looking to see if was in my phone prior, I saw a pic of my daughter and didn't remember when I'd seen it before. I tried finding it again and I can't. Maybe it will pop in later when I'm not looking for it again. I've been thinking lately that maybe the reason my daughter didn't want to see me on the weekend when she came home was because she knew I'd know something was wrong and question her until she told me. I know she was hurt around this time last year. She started drinking more. She probably knew I'd know.
  14. Loss of an Adult Child

    Tina, I am sorry to hear of your Friend's Child, and yes, it is possible for your heart to break again, all the glue and hard work you built to hold it together falls away when we have to find ourselves facing another loss. Especially of another young person. How very sad. Sending prayers and hope.
  15. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hi. Learned early this morning a friend lost her 22 year old son to a car accident last night. Set my day up for a bad one. I talked to her daughter and let her know I'm here. She and my daughter were friends for a few years and did a lot of stuff together at my house. I reached out to the mom but don't expect a reply as it is so new. My heart is breaking all over again if that is even possible. I took a break at work and watched a little bit of the parade of lights. I started crying remembering how my kids loved those. I thought I'm not going to let it stop me from going home for Thanksgiving. I always have plan B. And I'll take it one day at a time for Christmas. Started my tree. It's different this year because I do not have room to put up my 7 foot one. I'll try and attach a picture. I'm going to put kionas strand of lights on she always had hanging in her room. Some decorations and a star. Peace and love to all
  16. Loss of my precious mother

    Take it one day at a time. And be kind to yourself. It's tremendously painful to lose someone so dear. Tomorrow is a year for me since the loss of my very best friend, my mom. We were so close and I've lost a part of me. My mom was briefly ill, but I never ever thought this. It's been devastating and heartbreaking for me. It still doesn't feel real and I still wish it was not. I wasn't able to look ahead during this year because it was all so overwhelming. So I could only take it a day at a time. I can't even believe it's been a year. It's still very painful and I long for my mom, but I guess I do carry it differently now. You may benefit from a grief group for the extra support. In the US, there's a program called Grief Share www.griefshare.org. Take it one day at a time and express your grief and emotions in as healthy a way as you can. Take care of yourselves. Hoping for your comfort, strength and peace.
  17. Yesterday
  18. new widow

    Hi Thanks for taking the time to write. I don't think you are being pessimistic rather you are being honest. I hope the days get lighter for you and the memories begin to give you more joy and less pain. Until you go through it you don't understand. Hope today with the support of others you have some happy moments.
  19. Don't know what to say

    It’s like another life that belonged to someone else. I can remember it like I was there but it was a different person. 15 years gone in 5 months
  20. Loss of an Adult Child

    Kate, I am so excited that you enjoyed a Jeff-dream. HOw nice, they do stay with you after having them, like a wonderful warm golden feeling to wrap yourself in. Peace on the wintry scene, enjoy.
  21. Lost my Dad during childhood

    Eziraphael, it is really strange yes how sometimes if you think you see them or hear them, you think for a few seconds that it is them without thinking that it's impossible. It hurts actually, when you feel that familiarity all of a sudden just to find it's actually just a stranger with similar looks or voice. Actually sometimes I think I see my Dad in my house just in the corner of my eye! I definitely do sometimes get reminded of things! Sometimes I'll go somewhere in the city I'll think is new to me, and suddenly I'll see something and I remember being there so vividly as a child with him. It may sound silly but sometimes I walk past a clinic he uses to go to occasionally and I suddenly just feel so much emotion welling up in me, maybe because it's a place where I would often go with him and the staff were so nice there, sometimes I'm so tempted to go inside and just take another look inside! One thing I find so hard is looking at photos of my childhood, I not only see my Dad in them but I also see what a joyful child I was and how carefree everything was, not knowing what was going to happen just a few years later. And you're very welcome, I have to say it means a lot to me also to be able to talk about this, I think sharing helps to take a bit of the fear and despair away so thank you so much.
  22. Lost bf

    I miss my bf even more with the holidays coming up it makes it worse I wish he was here for the holidays I just wish he was here it doesn't seem real even tho it's been two months since he's been gone sometimes I think he's still gonna come home and say he's alive and just had to be gone for a while I know it won't happen but wish it was true I'm still just trying to get through the day one day at a time. It's too hard to think about the future
  23. Seeing a medium?

    Thanks, Azipod! When I had the reading, the medium said there were several spirits came over, and asked whom I wanted to talk to. I said my husband. She didn't even ask my and my husband any information. She delivered my husband's information very smoothly (80% accurately) which was surprised. In between she talked about the old lady's spirit whom I identified it was my mother-in-law. Last she talked about another old man whom I couldn't identify even though after that I asked my mom. She couldn't tell whom that old gentleman was. Maybe next time I should ask the medium to identify the spirit relationships with me first.
  24. My angel

    I had a meltdown at one point too. You do feel a little better just letting it out. I am glad she is in the garden but even more important her spirit is always around you all. Give your other cat extra kisses and attention. Wishing you the best in this process.
  25. Dear Carljo, I’m so sorry. I know how painful and hard it is. We all know. I know how hard it is when everything feels meaningless and you feel you can’t go on, the pain is overwhelming. Take it one day at a time, hour by hour. You can survive this. Grief is crippling but I do believe in time it will be less crippling. I’m not saying we’re all going to be happy again, loss changes everything. I do believe that eventually we can learn to rebuild ourselves though. I hope so. We are here and listening to you.
  26. Video Support Group

    Hi! We're starting a video support group on spousal grief. This is part of our project, Campfire. We builds group of 5-10 folks who share the same challenge. Members form a bond over weekly video meetings and keep the connection strong using our group messaging app. We hope Campfire can be a way to build more deep and lasting support networks for tough times, and complement communities like this!
  27. Loss of an Adult Child

    I am not sure about everyone else... but I always find my nerves are frayed as Jeff's Angel date approaches. I find that I am super sensitive and the slightest thing said I can easily misinterpret. Lesley, I understood exactly what you intended. We all know that you would not deliberately offend anyone. I also know that Dianne perhaps quickly read the post and as her angel date is fast approaching she only saw the part about the day. That is the trouble with messages on a computer. As we are not face to face we can not exactly explain our thoughts. I loved hearing about how supportive and close your children are. That is so nice to see in this day and age. Clearly you have done a wonderful job in raising them. Your idea of making a cactus garden is just the ticket. I was wondering what to take to our family doctor's office. His secretary does not have the time to water plants and I wanted to give her something along with some candy. I love that idea. I had a wonderful dream last night of Jeff. It has stayed with me all day and has helped to comfort me as the holidays approach. It is a true winter wonderland this afternoon. Dee, you would be in your glory! Large white flakes are softly falling creating a true winter wonderland. It really sets the scene for a magical holiday season. Anyway, I am sending love to ALL and hoping your day is a peaceful one. Kate
  28. Loss of an Adult Child

    dianne I am so so sorry, I think you misinterpreted my words? The day you lost Michael had to be the worst day of your entire life. Being told those words that your child has gone is appalling. I can clearly remember falling to my knees and howling when I was told Tommy had gone. I absolutely did not mean that it is just another day like any other,of course not, I would never say that, I meant that date is comprised of 24 hours to hold on through because it is such a painful date. It is a day of such sadness and will always be a day that causes tremendous anguish. You like all of us will grieve for the rest of our lives, how could we not? We adored our spirit children, and they will be with us for a lifetime until we are reunited once again. I am so so sorry that i caused offence it was absolutely not meant that way, I was trying to offer some comfort to you. I am horrified to think I inadvertently upset you dianne i would not do that for the world. Your words wisdom and advice have meant a great deal to me over the 15 or so months i have been on this site, and for that I thank you.
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