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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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  1. Past hour
  2. Lost of my husband best friend

    Dear Lonely spouse, I am really sorry for your loss. I hope you find a way to forgive yourself. I understand how it's like to go through different scenarios day and night trying to see what else you could have done to prevent this from happening. I do the same and I blame myself for not able to save my Panda as well. We sort of do this to ourselves to stay connected to our passed loved ones. I don't know how to comfort you. I wish we didn't have to go through this.
  3. Today
  4. Two Months...

    Thanks KMB, all people say this, it will get easier but right now I don't feel it. Somedays are so tough to handle, In India festival season started from today, all people in office are so energetic, dressed so well , planning to go hometown and I have no one to celebrate this festival, I am not going anywhere. All married girls dressed so well with all our traditional things, like mangalsutra, sindoor , bangles etc, I miss these things so much, I am feeling like blank page. I am missing him terribly, I should be dressed well with all our traditional things, all my happiness gone with him, its so lonely, can't even bear other peoples smile and happiness because of festival.
  5. Lost of my husband best friend

    Thank you . I have heard people tell me he can see and hear everything I say and do and he knows how much I am hurting without him.i truly believe that. They have said he can't be at peace if I am hurting. I don't want to keep him from his peace but I can't just get over the hurt and guilt. DON IF YOU ARE ABLE TO READ THIS AND YOU KNOW MY HEART PLEASE KNOW I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT MAKING YOU GO TO THE ER . OR CALLING FOR HELP I WILL ALWAYS BLAME MYSELF FOR YOUR PASSING DON. I HOPE YOU CAN FORGIVEME CAUSE I SURE CAN'T. I WANT YOU TO BE ABLE TO REST DON SORRY I STIL CAN'T LET YOU GO. I LOVE YOU DON WAYNE.
  6. Big Brother Passes

    Sorry for everyone's loss , today marks 6months ago my lil sister was taking from me at the age of 26, you are not alone I feel your pain ,!!!! I'm angry , & in 2011 I lost my dad , so I'm firmilar to grief and it's Many Many ups and downs all too well in 2011 I thought it was the worst thing I had ever experienced, but this seems to be a lot worse a part of me has died and I know I will never be the same after loosing my only sibling just need to find the strength to move forward whatever that may be ,, one day at a time is right , even minute by minute ..our siblings will always be a part of us again I'm so sorry none of us desereve this
  7. My Brother Committed Sucide

    Hello my name is Jason I have had an amazing family and am greatfull to have em in my life all of em. My family has died I'm 38 and my side of the family are all gone now. I had to watch my mom die she had a massive heart attack goin down the road when me and my brother where 11 and 12 it messed us both up but he never quit got over it. In November 2016 my brother hung himself I didn't find him for a week. I drive by my brothers shack he was basically homeless cause of drugs and I was letting him hit rock bottom and I sure did. I cant get over the guilt I hurt for him I'm scared for him I'm don't think I'm right in the head I miss him even though he was a pain in my ass. I can't begin to explain to u the soap opera that's is our life that got us here but I do know this hold ur family close that's all that matters in life. Im scared I don't know what's to come I have two kids one in college one just started higschool I have to keep it together for them but if it wasn't for them I'd b knee deep in drugs I wanna b numb I don't wanna die I just don't wanna feel I'm in pain I can't explain I know y'all understand where do I go from here how can I I don't have a family anymore so I am so scared to lose my kids to the point of anexity why god why why no if drugs have taken one of your family memebers accept them as they are otherwise you'll miss the collateral beauty of it all and you will regret it as I do cause I'd let my brother sit right here high on drugs just to have one more min. I should have never turned away blood I'm sorry
  8. Lost of my husband best friend

    Thank you I feel like I am LOOSING my mind. So many different emotions its weird one minute i can be laughing and then someone can say his name i am crying and ready to snap at someone cause they still have the person they love and I don't. And I know it's not their fault. But I get jealous and upset with them cause I no longer have Don. Like I blame them. I know I should blame the tumor but I blame everyone specially myself . I hate having some many different emotions at the same time. I feel like something is wrong with me..i think my friends and family think so 2 they are like it's been 6 months stop talking about him like he's hear let him rest.i want to just go hide and cry why can't people understand I can't let go Don was the love of my life not just some school girl crush . I was planning on spending the rest of my life with him growing old together. Well growing up. DON ALWAYS SAID I WON'T GROW OLD CAUSE HE WOULD ALWAYS BE YOUNG AT HEART . HE LOVED LIFE
  9. Big Brother Passes

    I wish i was alone but you are right we are not. I wish I was alone so no1 can feel what we feel. Reading your post just vibrates threw me. My brother and I where all that was left of my family my mother died while we where going down the road one day I was 11 my brother was 12 he never came back from that. My kids helped me but it didn't help him. Our great grandmother and grandfather raised us for 8 more years and then they passed two months apart from each other in 2002. I could should of would of right. I know I'm not alone. But the guilt finds me ever where I go. I don't know what to do besides one foot in front of the other. Thank you for your post this is my first time talking to anyone I can't even talk to my wife I don't think I'm right in the head anymore. I'm rambling thank u I'm so sorry your loss I'm so sorry
  10. Two Months...

    We all want our answers. We won't know these answers until it is our time to cross over. Your loss is very fresh and my heart aches for you. You might not want to hear these words, but the pain does get easier to bear over time. I didn't believe it either in the beginning. As of today, it has been 1 year and 1 month. The intensity of the pain has become less sharp, more bearable. More of a sadness than pain. Memories bring a smile. They bring me comfort that I was blessed to spend the time I was given with my husband. It takes patience, self care, an honest effort with coping tools and skills, and time.
  11. Don't know what to say

    Djh--- I'm sorry you are bummed out. This grieving has so many commonalities.
  12. Don't know what to say

    This one did make me chuckle! You should hear me at home here when I'm having a particularly rough time. I rarely cursed "before". But I do a lot now in dealing with the pain.
  13. Don't know what to say

    it is so very painful. We have to face that reality every single day. That is why we go from moment to moment, hour by hour, day by day. It is the only way to cope. When our reality hits, it hits out of no where, front and center. The pain is even worse than the day we first lost them. Back then, our mind protected us with shock. That protection has faded away and we are forced to face the cold, hard truth. Facing it head on is how we make our way through. We have no choice.
  14. Don't know what to say

    it would be a tragedy to the loved ones left behind who would grieve for you. As much as we would have wished to go at the same time with our loved one, it very rarely happens that way. Time and patience will help you to survive. Your inner dialogue will change as time goes on. Your wife is right by your side. She will be helping you, guiding you through the maze of grieving. She will help you to see that you have value and self worth. You are here for a purpose. We all are. You don't know what that purpose is yet. It will come along in its good timing.
  15. Don't know what to say

    Loss is painful at a young age. We are not taught about death and how to cope effectively with losing someone we love. Unfortunately, dying and death is still treated like a taboo subject. Birth and living is much more talked about because it is pleasure and joy. It doesn't make you ignorant, by any means. It just means the fact that you haven't lived long enough to know the true sorrows that balance out the joys of life. You are having your first experience with losing someone you deeply loved. This grieving process will make you stronger to face other tragic events in life.
  16. Loss of an Adult Child

    Luann living in Wisconsin, we know winter. Scott and I started walking in the malls. It is easy walking and we window-shop along the way. It does take self control to not spend money. love Colleen, Brians Mom forever
  17. Don't know what to say

    I am sorry you are not receiving the support you need from your family. You don't really hate them though. You are disappointed in their reaction and words .I get that. We don't always get the support we need and expect from those that love us.This is one of the hard lessons with grieving that is learned. Down the road, if one of those that love you, lose someone, you will have the hard earned experience to treat them the way they should have treated you with your grieving. You will be there for them in the right way. It will do you and his mom good to talk about him and cry together. You mention putting aside the resentments or hard feelings to do this. It would help you to let go of all that with your own family as well. Healing will take place with forgiveness.
  18. Two Months...

    I want answers of these all so badly, I just want to know did he miss me while he was taking his last breath, what he was thinking in last few minutes, did we want to see me that last time, did he see me when I got that horrible news and saw him last time. I am crying right now, all these questions reminds me last day of hospital and these memories are such a pain to tolerate.
  19. Loss of an Adult Child

    Wendy, thanks for sharing your celebration for Ricky with us. Good to hear from you and to see something so positive happen in your life. You have had it rough with your mom and your daughter. How thoughtful of her to come and bring your little grandbaby. Sherry, I also am getting the heat that Dee referenced. I am up in Northwest Indiana just across the border from Illinois. Today was a brutal 91 degrees with more to follow through the weekend. I live in a regular subdivision and everyone's grass is so sad. No pretty Fall mums around. Lou ann, there is no part of winter I like, that is for sure. Ah yes, but I do like hockey. Started back when I was a kid. We had one tv that belonged to my father. I learned if I wanted to watch it I had to watch Cubs, Bears and Blackhawks (when they weren't "blacked out" by the owners) Stan Mikita is my hockey hero. When my husband and I first were married we went to a lot of Blackhawks games--cost was way more reasonable. Now we watch in the comfort of our living room . Looking forward to this season and hope they come back from the embarrassment of last years playoffs. I have attached a picture of my granddaughter when she was a baby and one of my husband and granddaughter when he bought her a Precious Moment to celebrate a Stanley Cup. She is 4 now and has a new jersey for this year.
  20. Two Months...

    I wish that every morning and when I read that people who lost their partner have chances of death 66% more, I feel happiness inside me, that may be I will not survive more and die after few days. But again this morning I woke up and I am totally fine, never imagined before that at age of 29 I will beg for my death so desperately.
  21. Two Months...

    I always carry my phone when I was outside from home because I knew my Goli will call me or message me anytime and I didn't want to miss any call from him but now I don't care about phone. I don't see messages from hours or call anyone, I don't care if my phone is charged fully, I just don't care about anything. This life is beyond tough and every day is struggle for me. Every morning when I woke up is struggle, every night when I try to sleep is struggle. People said, when time goes it would be lesser but NOOOO its not getting lesser , it is increasing because I am going farther from our memories, from our beautiful days we spent together. I miss him every single second of life, no matter if I am sleeping or awake.
  22. Yesterday
  23. Loss of an Adult Child

    Wendy. What a lovely tribute to your son. I always find birthdays particularly difficult to get thru. I hope you felt him near to you on that special day. Lesley and dee. I am so with you on the dark and dreary days upon us. I feel like someone has thrown a blanket over my head and I'm desperately searching to see some light. It just seemed to come up so fast this year. Last winter was the worst time we have had in six years. Of course part of that was me coming off all of those pills and finally facing reality. Canadian winters are dark and depressing enough even for the happy people. Lol. Right Kate? But it was right at the end of winter and I was at the bottom of the hole when I stumbled across this web site. I can't help but wonder how I was led here. I'm glad I won't have to be on my own this winter and I have all of you guys. And of course the pre season games have started so I sure can live with that. So dee and Dianne, your Blackhawks fans right?
  24. Loss of an Adult Child

    Tina and LouAnn-----I so hope that some restful and restorative sleep will come your way tonight. Sleeplessness is a terrible drain on the health. Peace to you. Thanks to everyone for the lovely pics that you posted. Really enjoy them. HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY...........RICKY........ANGEL IN HEAVEN. Wendy-----Thinking of you. Peace. Dee----Yikes....hot weather....it's the same here. It is to be close to 90 degrees over the weekend. I sure hope it becomes much more temperate there, so that your classrooms are tolerable for you, the other teachers, and of course .....the kids. Dianne----Thank you for your post.....very helpful. Susan-----Thank you for the poem to shield our hearts. Many "arrows" come flying at the parent who has lost a child/children, but we have to try to deflect them with whatever shields we can use along the way on this lousy road. Georgina-----How are you? Sending prayers. Kate-----Thinking of you and sending prayers. Thank you so much for the writing on "Time" All so true. WISHING PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom......sherry
  25. When will it end

    Thank you so so much for this, it made me feel less lonely, I often feel like I cry way too much about it but you're absolutely right, it's okay to cry and be a mess. I miss the old me too but I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I will never be like that again even though it hurts so much. I'm so sorry for your loss, I really am, this is such an awful thing to go through, you're a beautiful soul I'm sure Charles is proud of you somewhere. Once again thank you very much.
  26. When will it end

    It breaks my heart when I see someone so young joining our grief family. I am so deeply sorry for your reason in having to be here. Of course you are still devastated! 4 months is still a very short time. The intensity of our grieving is equal to the intensity of which we loved. You are hurting. Your heart has been ripped to shreds. Your dreams, hopes, for the future destroyed. You are missing your loved one every second. We cry buckets of tears and we all feel robbed of that love, that future of more memories. You will survive. I know you probably don't believe those words now, but it is true. You have already been taking steps in moving forward. Just keep trying. That is how all of us are doing this. We keep trying. One day at a time. One step forward at a time. Keep reaching out to your friends, your family, his family. It is hard for others to know what to say to our loss. We have to be the ones to maintain contact. Just let them know what you need. A listening ear, a hug, or sitting quietly with you. Sending prayers of love and comfort to you.
  27. When will it end

    Thank you very much, I'm so sorry for your loss as well, I was with my boyfriend for barely a year and this feels like a nightmare I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. Stay strong.
  28. Grief fog, brain fog-------- unfortunately, it is very much real. Our loss is a traumatic blow to our mind, heart, body and spirit. Loss is such an overwhelming, ripping situation to have to deal with. I couldn't think clearly, couldn't remember the way I used to. My mind was there, but it was like it wasn't working. It was in shut down mode for a long time. It does get easier over time. I'm still not 100% with how my mind used to be. But, I don't expect it to be either. I'm going to be carrying my heavy heart the rest of my life. Nothing is going to be the same. Just have to adjust and live with it.
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