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  2. Louann That is great that you and hubby went for a drive. That is a big deal and you should be very proud. It is the little steps that move us forward. Colleen, Brian's Mom forever
  3. Today
  4. Can anyone open this file ? This is one of my favorites....energy never dies....it can take on another form....but it is always that unique energy.... You want a physicist to speak at your funeral.docx
  5. Laurie, that Enya song...so pretty, my cousin Lela was in traffic one day in Florida where she lived with her elderly dad, and an Enja song came on as she waited in traffic,a palm tree had tipped out of the ground holding up traffice...from Lela's windshield, she saw the ERICA part of the Bank of AMERICA sign...the first part was hidden by the palm tree...so she called one of her daughters' back here in chicago area and said she had a feeling that Erica was leaving her a sign and saying that she was going to die soon. My cousin died the next day from a stroke. She was only 57. This was only 3 weeks after Erica died.
  6. Kate, I agree with Dianne, I am crying right now at your story, and the joy that the young man must feel that you and Ross did this for him, to think of his life of hard labor, and to think of the impatience of others as he struggled so...and indeed, your Jeff sat beside you to let you know that he is beaming for your good hearts and all that you do in this world! And Louanne, I looked again at the photo of the skies, the lifting of the clouds if only for a bit...that is what I feel the message is from Kira, if only for a bit Mom and Dad, let the sun into your lives, let it remind you of the good in the world, and know that I am always in the world too, just in a new way!
  7. My mom passed away 3 years ago, in like 8 days it will be her 4th year being gone. Sometimes i just feel so depressed, i just still cant get over it.
  8. Being treated as a suspect for 7 hrs following was hell. I was surrounded by 4 cops in my kitchen while the "crime scene " was investigated. She was gone at 1:14 pm. My daughter and husband waited outside until the state police left with her body at 2:am. They told her it wasn't bad and just carpet removed would be good. They took my photo, my clothes, my dna, they swabbed my hands for gun powder residue. NCIS use to be a favorite show, now I can't watch it. Her heart was obviously damaged and stopped so the blood loss was minimal. As I was allowed to leave at 8:pm, I walked out and my children were waiting in the driveway and all my neighborhood was on the porch watching. Nightmare......sorry all.
  9. It takes all I have just to get out of bed each day. Thank you so very much for your time to reply, I don't have many friends as she was all I needed. The weekend seems to be the most difficult as it was time alone, without work or our children and the issues they bring. I have only good memories of her, we never argued as there was always a solution we could agree on. There is just a 7 or 8 hr pc of my mind I could have removed. When our youngest moved out on his own, we celebrated, dancing happy with the knowledge that all of our children had made it. After this, my youngest son moved back in here. But we also work together and we see too much of each other it seems. He had 3 years as a bachelor in his own place and didn't have anyone to talk to or disturb his sleep. On the other hand I spent all my time with her, always talking. God bless
  10. Kate, what a beautiful story you shared. The kindness shown by you and your husband was so heartwarming. Coming to "know" you through here I have seen your kindness many times. And Jeff sent a sign to say "Way to go Mom and Dad!" Margo, best prayers and thoughts directed for your mom and her battle.
  11. Charlie, I am so sorry, I wish there were words that were adequate, but there are none. Five months out, one of the hardest times. Keep breathing, one day at a time, it takes much time to process all this, but there will come a day when the pain won't be as intense and you'll learn to carry her inside your heart, the grief pain will lessen but the missing her will always be with you. You've found a good place here, we're here, we're listening...
  12. I wanted to share something that happened to us yesterday when we were in the city. It was such a beautiful day and we decided to take a drive into the city to run a few errands. As we entered the city we drove along a very busy main street with many intersections. It is a modest but nicely kept neighbourhood. The main street is lined with strip shopping malls and various restaurants, etc. We stopped at a very large intersection for a red light. On one side of the street is a large hospital with a huge parking lot. Beside that is a bank. While we sat at the light we noticed a man walking along with a cane. He apparently had suffered a very major stroke. I was at first taken by the fact that he was out walking alone. His whole one side was just hanging down. He tied up traffic while trying to cross the street. When the lights changed all eyes were on him. The cars quickly caught up to him and just waited for him to clear the street. Some even started to honk their horns. Clearly it was a massive struggle for this poor guy to take one step at a time. We then pulled into the bank parking lot and Ross went into the bank. I sat there in the car watching him. Poor guy was dressed in a pair of sweats and a hoodie. It had to be pushing the high 80's. I was certain he was out for a walk from the hospital as a form of therapy. I was so happy to see Ross walk up to him and offer him a ride the rest of the way back. He fooled us. He had walked a lot further and we drove him home. He lived in a group home that was a modest but nicely kept bungalow. He was able to speak quite clearly and told us he had suffered a massive brain aneurysm at the age of 12! His parents were now dead and he lived with other disabled people in that home. I was shocked to learn he was only in his thirties as he looked twice that age. My heart went out to him. What kind of life was that for a young guy? We headed off to Tim Hortons to buy him a gift card and a large coffee with double cream and three sugars. He loved his coffee he told us and the highlight of his day was being able to drag himself to that coffee spot. I thought of our upcoming situation with the surgery and the possibility of Ross perhaps losing his eye. I was so proud of him for approaching that young man and offering his help. On the way back home he remarked how lucky we were. I will also tell you that as we came to the end of that mans street another car pulled up beside us. We did a double take. It was identical to Jeff's. There could not be many... if at all any that remain on the road these days. It was the exact same colour and had the same scratches that I could see from where I sat. It made us scratch our heads for sure. Never underestimate the power of the human spirit and the will to live. Never give up. Never say never.
  13. I got a tattoo of our symbol with his name (in his handwriting) below it...it's in a private place, not for everyone else to see but I know it's there and that brings me comfort. I didn't know about the things you could do with ashes, I spread his in our back yard after two years...I kind of wish now I'd had a diamond pendant made from some of them, but I hadn't heard of it until too late. I like cremation because you can scatter the ashes where they'd like to be. I know it's symbolic, they aren't really there, but it has meaning to us to be able to honor them in some way meaningful. Sean, I like that you and Lori will be together again, and that you'll be over her, kind of like protecting her...now she awaits your joining her.
  14. Cela, Everything you are feeling is normal in grief. Your coworker is inappropriate in their response, of course you don't care about such mundane things right now, this was hard hitting and a lot to take in! It took me the longest time to absorb and process my George's death, it was totally unexpected and such a shock, I can only imagine how you must feel, so young, so newly married. Keep coming here, we get it, we've felt what you're feeling, we'll be here for you, we're listening...
  15. Not all the books say that. Seems ridiculous because it IS ridiculous! Good Lord, they think it should last 4-6 weeks?! Crazy wrong! Read some better books on grief, those ones don't sound like they know what they're talking about. I fell 2 1/2 months ago and I still feel pain with a light touch, my bones are bruised, they say it can take up to 16 months to heal. To think of healing my heart from the greatest soulmate that ever was, in less time than a bruised bone, well that is ridiculous! I have been under the tutelage of Marty Tousley, a professional grief counselor and webmaster of griefhealing.com for 12 years, taking in her wise words on grief. She says grief is forever (not a mere matter of weeks). It does not stay the same, it evolves, we get better at coping with it and we adjust little by little. It takes much time to even process such a profound grief as this, it took me about three years to! This is more mind-boggling than anything we can imagine! It takes what it takes. I would not want anyone to get the impression that they are abnormal if they take longer than some think they ought to. I feel angry when I hear stuff like that! No one should put on us a time limit or expectation, they have no clue the connection we had, no clue how devastating this has been! It takes much strength and perseverance to make it through this journey, not for the faint hearted. And by the way, in the beginning, it IS enough just to get out of bed in the morning. It is good to remember to breathe, to remember to feed ourselves, drink some water, take a walk...and make our house payment. The basics are enough in the early days, we can't handle much more than that. There are those that have complicated grief that makes it harder for them to function. If that's the case, do please get help from a professional grief counselor...not all counselors are the same, not all are trained in grief.
  16. That connection does not die when their body gives out, I feel it still. It's not something I can explain, I know he can't answer me audibly, but it continues on faith...in him, in our relationship, same as we always had. The pain does change...from that intense sharp pain, to something softer, easier to carry, quieter, a kind of a sadness that coexists with the rest of our life. We are aware of our grief even while going about our lives, it doesn't go away, we can't put it down, but we can smile, we can feel a momentary happiness, all the while carrying our grief.
  17. When grief hits, it is easy to neglect ourselves...just when we need our self-care the very most! We need our nutrition and walks to give our brains the best clarity possible...it's hard enough going through grief fog and having to make decisions when we least feel like it! We lose our motivation when our loved one dies, so it's all the more important we do things for US, because we need that! I found this to be eye opening: http://www.hellogrief.org/finding-a-balance-self-care-quiz/
  18. To be imprisoned in your home is abuse, I'm glad you no longer suffer that. It can take some therapy to figure out how to deal with life on your own now but can be worth the effort.
  19. Yes, I feel everything before meeting George was leading up to that point. The bad experiences before meeting him only made me appreciate HIM all the more!
  20. These are questions to be asking your veterinarian. It could be something with the genes, the common denominator being the mom, or it could be great coincidence, but I've never had dogs die so young. You have a great many puppies to take care of, I wish you a long time with them all. I'm sorry for all of your losses, that is a lot to deal with.
  21. It hasn't even been three weeks yet, that's not much time in light of grief, this is a hard thing to process. Go easy on yourself.
  22. Cathy, When I was five my parents let me get a dog, although he quickly became "the family dog". They didn't let me take him with me when I left home. When he was 15 they had him put to sleep and didn't tell me until afterwards. I still remember that phone call, how hard it was, crying, being denied the privilege of saying goodbye to him. That's hard! We love our animals so much, we don't want to lose them. It sounds like it is time because she has to be in pain if she can't eat and isn't peeing in the litter box. My rule of thumb for knowing when it's the right time to euthanize is to do what is best for them and not for me. That is the last selfless act we can give them. AJW is right, animals can be stoic and don't begin to show us their pain, if we see any, we know it's way worse than what we're seeing. I pray for comfort for you, I know this is hard.
  23. That is a huge step! I hope your healing continues, I know it takes much time just to process our grief.
  24. Thanks Louann..I sent you a message. My husband walks around like nothing happened ...like it's all ok and tells me not to dwell on it. Talking about it is healing and I don't ever want Skylar to be a memory but want him to always be alive everyday in my life! Margo ... prayers for your mom!!!! My mom overcame stage 4... 5 years ago. Never underestimate prayer. Miley I am new here and already feel such a warm welcome from this family. Not a forum/group anyone would want to belong to but we do and have to accept it but know we are here for each other.
  25. So sorry for your loss Chasbro. It's never easy to lose someone so suddenly. I remember giving my wife CPR as she was having a heart attack. The helplessness. The fear. I could see the life slipping from her and there was nothing I could do. I am sorry you had to go through that and pray that those images fade from your memory. I know I wish they would fade from mine. I wish there was some magic potion we could use to take this pain and despair away. But there isn't. But we can offer you advice, an ear, or just a shoulder to cry on. We here are all part of this terrible club that none of us want to be a member of and we will be here to help you along this path.
  26. I'm so sorry for your losses, Charlie. The pain of losing a parent is heart-wrenching enough, but to lose a much loved soulmate is an indescrible pain and agony. You will find compassion, understanding and support here within our grief family as we've all suffered the loss of our spouse. Our loved ones have all died too young and in various manners, but on this forum our grief binds us together and we gain comfort and strength from each other. Please keep reading and posting. The telling and retelling of our stories helps us heal some. Grief ( I struggle to saythe word journey as in my mind a journey is a fun, enjoyable thing) grief is a twisted, pot hole ridden road we stumble along, taking three step forwards, two back, many a time. It sux. But one day soon you may get a wee glimmer of hope from perhaps an interest you used to have, or from someone or something you see. It feels amazing the first time it happens and it teaches us that there is hope we may forge some sort of new life. Sending strength and hugs.
  27. It takes all I have just to get out of bed each day. Thank you so very much for your time to reply, I don't have many friends as she was all I needed. God bless
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