Unexpected and sudden loss of my mom

[Missingmomala]

my worst fear and nightmare happened and I lost my mom suddenly and very unexpected on January 11, 2016 at 2:40 pm... That morning started out, just like every other morning. I woke drank coffee and before 8:00 am spoke to my mom about our plans for the day.

Background: my mom and I worked together (she's been in business for 28 year) I started working with her a few years back while I was recovering from back surgery. This was supposed to be part time while I recover and I ended up making a career with what was supposed to be a partnership , that I would retire my mom in. In 2004 my mom was diagnosed with stage 3c ovarian cancer. My mom spent the next 13 years in always in treatment with no signs of remission. The mutation she had would never truly disappear they said, and the plan was to keep it controlled. Which for 13 years straight they did. My mom had cancer but cancer never had her... She and all of us were all in denial of the severity of her illness in a way. She never looked sick her quality of life wasn't loss. She was feel ill for a day or two after chemo but treatments weren't weekly they were monthly to ever 6 weeks...didn't lose her hair, she worked full time, traveled. Rarely stayed home, even if feeling ill and lived like she had no major medical illness. Most people including coworkers and clients had no idea she even had cancer. In March 2015 she had to change her chemo and her numbers weren't being controlled as well as before. She lost her hair, got very skinny aged fast and now was doing weekly chemo and was sick often...That was the first time since she was diagnosed both my mom and our family feared for her life. But my dad and her team of doctors researched and we found an alternative A daily chemo pill aimed at her mutation. My mom only had 1 mutation(rare for only 1) and found proven results found to combat her mutation... In June 2015 She was the first of her doctors patients to receive this drug. And for the first time in 13 years my mom had hope to beat ovarian cancer.

Her world was looking up and at the end of the Year her and my dad spoke about how wonderful life was for them and how much good has happened over the past year. My sister had her second child a little girl. I was on my way career wise. Back no longer broken... My moms cancer was almost gone(less than 10 points left to remission) and they burned their Morgage and celebrated their 40th anniversary in October, they were making plans for what's to come which included investments property closer to the grandkids.

My mom was 60 years old. On January 2nd she had a New Years lunch party at the house... she Started not feeling well. She had all the signs and symtoms of a typical cold/flu. Nothing abnormal nothing that seemed strange or different from everyone else that was also running around with colds and flu's. We asked her to go to the doctor but she refused, she hated doctors and didn't think a cold required a doctor's visit. Sunday night she started feeling a little better, but since we had plans to travel that Thursday she agreed Monday morning she would go to the doctor.

Monday morning January 11,marked now forever as the day my world crashed around me. It was my last day as 31 years old next day was my 32nd birthday. My birthday was normally spent mother/daughter days celebrating us. She did the work. I just resulted in it.

8:00 she calls to tell me she's going to the doctor to wanted me to pick her up for a 9:30 appt. I had her car. At 8:40 I picked her up amd she was weak and what seemed like severe dehydration. I helped her dress(never needed assistance before$ repeatedly asked if I should call an ambulance she said she didn't think so. Called my dad he said she was fine this am and was seemly better this am than the last few days.. She walked herself down the stair and into the car. She was having problems breathing. I held her hand while I kept calling the doctor to see if ER made more sense. When I didn't speak to the doctor and my sister didn't answer for advice if that was the right choice.l I went ok ER it is.. My mom still insisted regular doctor made more sense. She had to go to the bathroom,. So I park tell vallet I will be back she refuse to wait for the wheel chair. And she walks to the bathroom while I support her so she doesn't fall. She goes to the bathroom and I had arranged a chair be brought for her and we(student nurse and I ) wheel her to ER admittance. While in administration I notice my mom looks like she is fighting passing out. So I cause a fit and demand they she'll her back and start her on fluids and ivs ASAP! They go th shell her I unlock the chair and my mom looks right at my her eyes pop open and she stopped breathing and started turning blue, I'm panicked and screaming for them to hurry up. And I watch them wheel her lifeless body away. I then a few minutes later hear " code blue to ER" and call my dad. He had no idea what I was talking about and after yelling at him he comes down to the ER from work. My sister too.at this time I'm just hoping I'm wrong and imagining what I saw...

Nope I didn't. At 9:40 this happened the doctors gave us no hope or promise of her coming back to us. Told us to call her loved ones. I did but my intent was second opinions.. Surly my mom can't die of this. She's a fighter she battles cancer. But at 2:20 in the waiting room with some family and a rabbi that happens to be family we hear the dreaded code blue to her roo, again. This time she wasn't revived and they stopped all resisting after 20 minutes ..

Her death was due to a Staph infection on her lungs , bacterial phemonia and fluid in the lungs her organs shut down and complications of a weaken Immune system due to ovarian cancer.. That pill that was supposed to cure her had side effects of this but we were never informed. It was something I had to search for to find cases of it. I have no idea if this causes it or not. I also have no idea if she was cured of cancer being the blood test done the week before may have reflected the staph infection not cancer.

If she went the week before to the doctor. They said she just would have spent her last days in the hospital and the strand she had of staph is extremely difficult to treat. But it's all very strange and confusing. My mom and I worked the day before too.. Like how does someone go from a cold and still mobile to essentially dying in admittance with me. She never regained consciousness and her heart rate was so low they couldn't fully sedate her.

[Love Lives On]

Missingmomala, 

 

I am so sorry to hear about the sudden loss of your dear mom. I can only imagine the confusion, frustration and pain that you and your family must be feeling right now. It sounds like you and your mom had a very close and beautiful relationship and I'm sure she was so grateful to have you there with her when this was all happening. Nothing I can say can take away the pain that you are feeling but just know that with each passing day, the pain gets a little more manageable and always remember that she truly does live on in your heart and those treasured memories you have of her.

 

I am sending you love, strength and my sincerest condolences during this difficult time of grief. 

[Missingmomala]

Thank you. My sister and I both think the grief feels worse now than before. I know I'm still in shock and part numb.

When she looked at me when she stopped breathing. She looked like a total stranger it was like that wasn't my mom anymore. Or my mom wasn't inside of her anymore... It was like she left her body and what I saw what the emptiness of the body that failed her.

I hope during her last hours . she wasn't suffering too much for those last few hours. I asked the doctor and they said they couldn't give her much to help the pain because her blood pressure Was so low. She always said when she died she wasn't it to be fast and with her dignity and strength present. She did that. She walked herself into the hospital too. But I wish we had an actual chance to fight for her and save her.

[Everly]

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