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everything comes with a cost


cindyjane

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Hi (((EVERYONE)))

 

I like to come here and share some of my personal experience with the hope that it might help those who are struggling in their grief.  

 

After losing my parents and going through the pain of those losses I just wanted the void and knots in the pit of my stomach to go away. I wanted the tears to stop and I wanted my heavy heart to lighten.  In looking back I have to ask myself what the heck did I expect to feel???  I loved my parents dearly and within 11 months they were both gone.  In this life that we are living, there is a cost to everything ... including a cost for love. The price that we pay for that love is that we are going to miss our loved ones when they are gone.  We are going to go through deep sadness, feelings of loneliness and many other difficult feelings.  I am not exempt from paying that price....none of us are.  

 

                                                     Loss of a parent (or any loved one) + LOVE = grief

 

If we deeply love someone and they pass on, there is no getting away from this grief BUT there is a way to get through that grief.

 

For me there is another part of this equation and it is ACCEPTANCE.  Like it or not, I had to accept what we call the cycle of life. We are born, we live our lives and one day we will physically die.  The moment we are born, the dying process begins.  That is how this life works.  This may sound harsh and so final but it's not.  When I finally came to this ACCEPTANCE this life cycle, I didn't like any of it so I reached out (in the WORD) to learn more about this life and in doing that, I came to learn something wonderful!  The good news is that there is more to follow for all of us when our time is up here.  Just sharing my beliefs based on my faith.  I hope this helps those who are having a tough time in the loss of a loved one.  

 

May God bless each one of you with comfort

Cindy Jane

 

 

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Thanks Cindy Jane.

I get all of this, but I'm just not kind to myself, or patient with the process. I need to learn to give myself the time it is going to take to get through this (it has only been a month today), and I definitely need to be kind to myself......something I rarely am. My parents were both very critical of me and I learned that lesson from them very well. I criticize my every response.....I'm crying too much, I didn't cry enough at the funeral, I'm too emotional, I should be back to normal by now- it's been a month for heaven's sake!

None of those self criticisms are logical, or valid, or fair.......they are just the negative self-talk that run through my head that complicate my grieving process. My therapist is helping me sort through all of this.

I do have faith, and am looking forward to what's to come. I know that this life isn't all there is, and that she's at peace now and that when my time comes our relationship will finally be perfect. I'm just not kind to myself now, and I'm grieving imperfectly now.

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Hugs Marivdb .... yes you are hard on yourself.  One month is so very recent so your feelings are probably still raw.  I don't think there is a right or wrong way to grieve.  There isn't a set number of tears we should cry or a certain time we should cry those tears.  We're all different and I always say to just go with our feelings because feelings are neither right nor wrong....they just are.  I love that you are seeing a therapist to help you walk through this .... mostly I love that your faith is strong.  Take care and try to go easy on yourself.

 

Cindy Jane

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