Sudden loss of dad

[alove]

It has been almost 6 months since my dad passed away suddenly. My dad was a healthy man. He did everything he possibly could to be the best husband, dad, and grandpa. On August 27, my dad had an Aortic abdominal aneurysm in the middle of the night. We were told that he did not suffer and there was nothing we could have done if we were awake. That doesn't make this any easier.

My dad was my best friend. He called me everynight to check in. When I needed him, he was there. He had the best advice and always had the right answer.

I have changed in numerous ways. I'm not sure where to turn. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel? This has taken a tole on my marriage. I've been anxious with everything. I'm afraid of losing someone else. I'm isolated at times when I just want to cry. I'm only 28 and I don't know anyone that has ever lost a parent close to me. I found this group and am hoping for some wonderful advice.

Thank you for listening..

[Lisa k]

Hi alove,I am sorry for your loss,It's the most difficult painful thing to go through.I lost my mum in July 2015 and she was my best friend so you are not alone.It's been six months for me and I just feel numb.Grief takes it's toll on everything but all we can do is try to get through each day.Have you talked with a professional or thought about it?.There is no right or wrong way to feel,we go through many feelings and emotions.It's a hard journey to travel and such a painful one.I understand your fear and anxiety,I feel the same way.

This is a good group of people who get it and we are here for you so please come here and vent or talk about your dad,whatever you need.I hope this helps in some small way.

Hugs to you

Lisa K

[alove]

Hi Lisa k,

Thank you for responding. I have not yet talked to a professional but I have thought about it. I guess I wasn't sure when the best/normal time should be.

I just never imagined I could feel so much hurt.

[Everly]

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[cindyjane]

Hi alove ... I am so sorry for your loss.  But glad that you found your way to this site of such support and understanding.  We are not alone in our grief.  My experience is that time is a healer.  Like my dad told me after my mom passed on, "we never get over it, but we get on with it."  I believe that we will always have a void in losing a loved one but over time our heavy heart lightens with feelings of gratefulness in having that person in our lives.  Your dad sounds like such a wonderful man.  Keeping you in prayer for comfort.

 

Cindy Jane

[MissionBlue]

Alove, I'm very sorry for your loss.  I was very close to my dad, too, and even though he was much older (86), his death felt very sudden to me, because I thought he would pull through like so many other times.  He also was my best friend, sometimes it was like he was my only friend, aside from some very nice people I've corresponded with online for years and years, but there's nothing like having a good friend with you in person.  There is nothing to compare with the love of a good parent, father or mother.  Only my father truly loved me, because he raised me after my mother divorced him when I was five.  I have a half brother and lots of cousins, but they have their own lives and their own friends. 

 

I like your member name, alove, because it reminds me of a quote by Leonardo da Vinci,  "A life without love is no life at all."  I'm glad you are not completely alone, because you have your husband with you, but so often those closest to us don't know how to comfort us.  The only advice I can give is to write and talk about your grief as much as you need.  Time is on your side.  You are young and time will heal, even though that is hard to believe right now.  New people will eventually come into your life who might help fill the void, but you have to accept that no one will ever fill the void left by your dear father.  He sounds like a wonderful man, and if anyone deserves to be happy in heaven, it's people like our dads. 

 

Six months is still very early in the grief journey.  I didn't start to feel better until a man came into my life after I was living alone for eight months.  He is not my ideal, and I'm not his, but we both need each other so we work it out.  There is no quick cure for grief -- it stays with us, but we learn how to live with it.  Some people derive help and encouragement from grief therapy, grief support groups and from Stephen Ministers:
 

https://www.stephenministries.org/

 

The main thing is to process your grief by thinking and expressing yourself about your feelings and your memories of your father as freely as you can.  Trying to suppress your feelings will only delay the healing.  I wish you the best and I hope you derive the same benefits that I have from this forum. 

 

 

[DFPHOTO]

I'm really sorry for your loss as well, I lost my dad in 1994 and even now once or twice a year, I miss him and cry. I just lost my mom a few weeks ago and I cry almost daily now its different when both are gone. I was about 29-30 when my dad died so I know how you feel.

 

There are no words to make you feel better, the only thing is to remember the good times and maybe find old videos or photos and perhaps make a memory video or something like that and for god sake make copies and put them in other locations in case of a flood... which happened to me...

 

I guess your parents are still a part of your being that's why it hurts so much, at least that's all I can think of.

 

I guess like me, just write on this forum when you need to... We all know what we feel during this time of loss. Best Dave

[tomg24]

I'm sorry you are going through this alove. I lost my Dad very suddenly too on 18th February at the age of 54 and then my Nan 13 weeks later. You are not alone. I know words are pretty meaningless at the moment but I would definitely suggest seeing a counsellor - at least they are away from the family so you can say everything you want without offending anyone! I am going to see one soon hopefully as I feel I'm slowly losing my mind. If I sleep, I either have nightmares or don't remember my sleeps when really I just want to dream and see my Dad. He didn't make my daughter's 1st birthday or my 30th birthday and it devastates me to think of the future without him.

I understand what you said about being different - I feel like a completely different person and not the father, husband, son I was before. I think this type of loss has to change you but time will eventually help a bit. It was described to me as having a broken leg - you'll walk again but that limp will remind you!