my mam died suddenly, and i cant cope anymore...

[mariesgirl1953]

{Sorry for the long post)

Hi, my mam died 2 months ago. it was so sudden. on the Saturday i was speaking to her then on the Wednesday i got a call to say she was dead. i still cant believe it... she was my best friend. i feel so alone. i cant talk to anyone as i feel no one will listen to how i feel. my dad is going through his own grieving process and if i try and talk to him about how i'm feeling all i get is 'thats life, and you've got to accept it' I have a 4 year old son who my mam is very close to. They were both inseparable. She absolutely adores him and he is the same. He understands shes gone and says shes a beautiful angel in the sky and i tell him that she is the brightest star in the sky. He kisses her photograph beside my bed every night as i do. i feel i cant live without her. i even cut myself last night because i was so frustrated with my sons bad behavior. i felt i couldn't handle it and had to do something... i also took 3 painkillers.... i feel like i'm losing my mind my husband is a workaholic and when he isn't working he sleeps all day or the best part of it, and drinks almost every night. Not returning home until 3 or even 4am! I'm about to explode as im left all the left all the childcare and all the housework cleaning, washing ect.

When i snap at my husband i'm told I'm greiving and that's good... i havent even had a chance to greive yet, as im constantly with our son and running around doing everything. i have spoken to him but it just falls on deff ears... i feel like im losing my mind! i literaly cant cope anymore... i keep having dreams of my mam dead in her coffin or a dream where she is going to die. i even started smoking... i know it was wrong and i quit near the end of November and haven't had one since.

My husband says hes exhausted from work but yet he can still go out and drink until the early hours while i stay at home with OUR son and watch TV when hes in bed. I have an appointment with a bereavement counselor  on Tuesday the 5th of Jan my husband is trying to convincve my not to go as he is 'afraid' ill get lost. i'll be ok.... im not going to let him stop me.... i feel like im going insane and i cant grieve properly and the worst part is my absentee husband is saying im graving and its good. what would he know? he was more worried about work when he found out about my mam so why should/would he care now?? i haven't got time to grieve. i just cant do this anymore.... i want to be with my mam i miss her beyond life itself...

[Everly]

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[Marivdb]

Mariesgirl--

I'm so sorry for your loss.

You are doing the right things......coping the best you can, taking care of your son, going to a grief counselor, coming here. I remember vividly the preschool years when my husband worked constantly and everything else fell on my shoulders and how overwhelming it was! My Grandmother died at that point, and I never did get the chance to grieve her, and I was much closer to her than I ever was to my mom. It can feel like your child and your housework and your spouse are swallowing everything about you and you are just drowning in it all.

Hang in there. Come here. Go to your appointment. Stick firmly to bedtime. That will give you a little bit of time for yourself. Just breathe. And try not to hurt yourself. You are too important for that.

Like Eve said, we're here because we get it.....

[Lisa k]

Mariesgirl1953,we are all here for you. I'm so sorry for your loss. Nothing is more painful than losing a parent. Go to counseling and don't worry what your husband says.my mum died in july and i feel so numb and lost without her.Life is unbearable and the pain is unbearable. I wish I went with her.

Hugs

Lisa

[mariesgirl1953]

I really really do wish I was with her. I took 3 pills last night. Nothing happened... (Thankfully) my son needs me I know that. But I need and want to be with my mam. If I could run out in front of a car or truck now I would.

[MayFGL]

HUGS to you Mariesgirl. I am so sorry for your loss. I really feel your pain. There is nothing more painful than to lose a parent. I should know because I lost my mom in March from a massive stroke. As Eve put it, there are no words to describe the feeling.

 

I'm still grieving. It's going to be 10 mo for me. I yearned to be with mom many times...and still so. I wouldn't have kept sane if I hadn't come here. This is a wonderful place to be. My friends here are very wonderful and understanding. That's what we all are here for. If you post, someone will likely to respond. It may not be immediate, but someone will.

 

As far as your husband, just do what Mariesgirl want to do. Do go to your therapist. Just wondering, was your husband always acting this way before your mom passed? I was just thinking that if he acted that way afterwards, then, maybe it's his way of grieving. But, either way, he should show compassion by being near emotionally and physically, listening and understanding.

 

You came to the right place. You will see there are wonderful people here. I wish you the best. Please come back and post. We have different levels of pain, but, at the end, we're on the same page.

 

Hugs to you.

 

 

[mariesgirl1953]

Thanks so much MNS87. Yeah my husband has acted this way before my mam's death. But they used to clash a lot of the time because my mam was {as the Dubs say} well able for him {eg: his moods and stubborness} etc. Like even at my mam's funeral his phone was still ringing! It rang in the church and the funeral home! So disrespectful!! I didn't know of this until one of my family members said it to me and I was utterly shocked! My family wouldn't lie - I believe this happened. I have spoken to him about his drinking all night and sleeping all day and not seeing/spending time with his son ext..I'm more or less done with him at this point. Ugh so frustrated

[MayFGL]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through Mariesgirl. Yes, it definitely is very disrespectful to turn on the phone in the church or funeral home. When it comes to drinking, he sounds so much like my brother-in-law. He started drinking alot this couple of years because he works from home which makes him drink all he wants. Drinking day and night. 

 

I know it's easy for me to say, but, please hang in there. You are worth more than a million times! We love you and care about you. We are here for you. 

 

[mariesgirl1953]

MSN87

[MayFGL]

You are more than welcome, Mariesgirl! 

[silverkitties]

Marie, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mom. It's hard enough with the loss, but when you have complications all around you, like your husband (for me, it's my dad), things feel that much harder. And because grief can feel so heavy, it's bound to make you feel sluggish and exhausted. I must admit that the only good thing that happened to me after my mom's passing was the ease w/ which I fell asleep....I think those many sleepless nights I spent taking care of her had their toll on me. 

 

I won't deny it's tough. For much of my 52 years, my mom was my best friend--she was the only one who shared all my interests. Many times I want to show her something...and then realize I can't. It is also difficult to see things that remind me of the times we had together and not feel a pang. Or to remember the anniversary of a certain event--like her first stroke and her cancer diagnosis. 

 

(You mentioned your dream about your mom dying....I remember having a strange one where my mom was getting her diagnosis in a cathedral. I realized later on that it was probably because her hospital was Catholic. But it was bizarre nonetheless.)

 

This is a wonderful site, not only because allows me to continue expressing thoughts and recollections about my mom, but also because I've met so many caring people here like Eve, MSN, and Lisa whom I've known for some months now. Were it not for them, I'm not sure how long I would have lasted.