funeral yesterday....was horrible*(

[Marivdb]

If this wasn't the worst experience of my life I don't know what was. Calling hours were a rush. Dad put the obituary in the paper Monday morning and had calling from 6-8 that night. That's it. Two hours. No notice for people to know, no time for people to express condolences, rush them through and get it over. It was horrible. I hate long drawn out funerals, but this was just wrong. 

The next day was the funeral. In his eulogy, my dad didn't list us in birth order...he listed us in order of importance. I was last. He had told us he was going to have a time for people to share memories of my mom, so I prepared something to say, and he didn't let me say anything. The graveside service was 2 1/2 hours away, so we all drove separately.My oldest son had three of the teenagers in his car and was following me. They needed to stop for the bathroom. I didn't feel comfortable leaving them so I waited for them. I got there at 2:37 and was just in time for the Benediction at the graveside. I had been told the graveside service was at 3. They changed it to 2:30 without telling me. If I had known they had changed the time I would have left the teenagers regardless. They just went ahead and had the graveside service without me there.  They knew I was on my way.  They just didn't think I was important enough to wait for.

 

Then to top it off, my sister was making snarky comments about my being late to the graveside. I wish I could just say I hate that woman.

 

My heart is breaking. I feel so lost. My dad pushed her out of this life and then rushed her through the funeral process. I've expressed my certainty that I'll have a stepmother within the year.

 

it's been five weeks of hospice hell and then it was 24 hours of funeral rush. Now the caregiver for the past three years who gave me grief for not devoting every spare minute of my life for the past three years to my mother and my sister who hadn't spoken to my mom for the past year till she went into hospice then didn't leave her bedside only to regain her favorite daughter status have wiped every trace of my mom from their Facebook(it was gone during the drive home from the graveside). I know we all grieve in our own way....I can't judge them. I just hate that they can move on so easily while judging me for things they don't even try to understand.

 

I just need to get through one more day with these people.  I just need to get through Friday.  My sister will be at my brother's house when I go for Christmas then I won't see her till my son graduates if she even shows up.  I will have to invite her but she may not even show.  She is such a witch that I don't trust her to do the right thing. 

 

I just don't know how I will even function.

[cindyjane]

I am so sorry that you had to go through all of this.  People sure deal with their feelings and emotions differently.  I always figure that when people react inappropriately or badly in situations that they have more issues than any of us will ever know.  I think that is why we are told not to judge others.  We really don't know what is going on with others.  I like that you are taking the high road and still plan on inviting your sister to your son's graduation.  

I hope that you can get through your Christmas without being affected by others and their behaviours.  For me, most of this Christmas I will give thanks for having the wonderful parents that I was blessed with and if anyone I am around prefers chaos and drama....I won't be a part of it.  Since losing my parents I have learned how to just sit quiet when people behave badly and say a little prayer for them.  In my experience that speaks volumes without even saying a word.

 

God bless you

Cindy Jane