How to cope?

[Godsclaws]

On the 6th of December my mother will have been gone 2 years. I miss her everyday and I'm feeling worse and worse as the date approaches. I'm worried about how I will cope from now until a few days after the 6th. 

 

Initially I thought I would be fine with it as I coped ok at 1 year but this year I'm not feeling good at all. Whenever I lie down to sleep those horrible last days in the hospital with her flash through my mind making getting to sleep so hard.

So here I am hoping there are people out there who understand this and can maybe suggest ways for me to get through the next week. Maybe you can share a bit about your journey through grief and how you coped with anniversaries? I really need your support and advice right now.

[cindyjane]

Hugs "Godslaw"  I am so sorry for your loss.  Those anniversaries of our losses are tough to get through.  Then there are birthdays, Christmas' and many other special times that can be difficult to get through.  These dates will always be significant to us and will probably make our hearts feel heavy but they don't have to cripple us.  That isn't what our parents would want.  Parents want the best for their kids when they are here, and I truly believe that they would want the best for us when they leave us and are taken "HOME."  For that reason when my heart gets feeling heavy in missing them, I turn my thinking around and go back in time to some of the good memories like; when I was a kid and our family went on camping trips.  We fished in some beautiful northern lakes, we sat around a camp-fire at night and enjoyed talking about anything and everything.  Or when our family gathered for wonderful meals prepared by our mom while our dad sat in his recliner keeping us entertained in conversation until supper was ready.  Gratefully I have so many wonderful family memories and that is what I draw on when these anniversary dates draw near.  It really does help.  I am sure that you and your mother built many wonderful memories over the years ... draw on those and you may find yourself thanking the Good Lord for blessing you in having her for your mother and your heavy heart will feel a little lighter.  

 

take care

Cindy Jane

 

That is a beautiful photo in your post!  May God bless you with comfort in these coming days and all the days that you miss your dear mother.

[silverkitties]

Cindy Jane's advice is good: reliving the good memories can make you remember that you were so fortunate to have a mother like your mom. 

 

The first year for me was incredibly difficult especially around the anniversaries of my mom's tragedies, leading up to her death  in October 2014. I started a thread some 6 months after her passing, recalling her first stroke and our happiness when she returned from rehab; there were other posts on the diagnosis of her cancer and a subsequent hospital stay. Then around late September, close to the anniversary of her passing, I started another thread recalling the events that led up to the death. 

 

Writing all of this was quite cathartic: it was the only opportunity I had not only of hanging onto her just a bit longer, but of trying to view all of those events in perspective and relive all the various ups and downs. And perhaps more significantly, it was a way of commemorating my mom.  

 

So tell us about your mom. When you recall your happy memories, all of the special moments you shared, all the things you've loved in her,  you'll realize she's not lost at all. And you'll realize just how wonderful it was to be her daughter and thank your lucky stars that you were mothered by her. After all, not everyone enjoys a great relationship with their parents. In a paraphrase of Tennyson, let me say that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved.