Too painful to be without him, to be alone

[PlainfieldAlone]

This past September 11th my fiancé, my daughters friend, and I were taking a trip to visit my daughter in college. I had just purchased my daughter a new car that Wednesday and we were taking the car to her. I do not recall anything about the accident but was told we were struck by a tanker truck and a sedan. My boyfriend was killed, I woke up inside the car to people yelling at me I looked over and started to scream his name. He did not make a move, he did not make a sound, I knew in that moment he was gone.

I am in so much pain, I have 30 bone breaks (ribs broken in 2-3 places each plus many other broken bones) I have bruised organs and I was covered in bruises on the outside. While still in the car I began yelling for my daughter's friend, I did not hear sound from the back. In the ambulance I scream for them to call my ex-husband, they need to get a hold of my daughter so she can find her friends parents. I don't remember the entire ambulance ride but what I do remember was excruciating pain. I was so scared.

I remember some of what happened in the ER. They cut my clothes off and I was screaming in pain. I continued to yell for my ex-husband so he can contact my daughters friends parents. They don't seem to be responding to me. My daughters friend needed to be airlifted to another hospital, she did not wake until recently but is now speaking, we do not know her long-term prognosis, but we pray for her.

My fiancé and I were together for over five years, but I worked at his family business for almost 25 years. I no longer have the same role in the company, my future is uncertain. He was at the final stage of getting divorced, having lived apart for years. He did not take care of me the way he promised, and his "widow" gets all of the sympathy and she is taken care of. Nobody wants to bother with me yet I was his true love. She would have been taken care of anyway, that was his way and the plan they agreed to. He took care of everyone else first but the person he loved the most. He did not consider for one moment his mortality. The only thing I wanted was to be his wife. I will never have that honor. My dreams are ruined, my life is ruined, and I miss the best friend I ever had.

I was released from the hospital last week and have visits from home healthcare providers. I hope my physical damage will heal over the next several months but my heart will be broken forever. I just don't know how I can go on. I wish I was at rest with him now but I have three children that need their mother.

[RaedwolfDelaroca]

I know it's just B.S. to hear it, but you aren't completely alone.

I lost my wife on the 15th of October. All anyone ever tells me is "you're not alone."

You are alone. We will both probably always feel a kind of alone from now on. I hate it so bad, it burns inside me. I miss her so much. But we are both alone, in kinda the same way.

I'm gonna tell myself that means I am not completely alone. And it's true, if you think about it. I need that truth.

I'm sorry to talk about myself so much on your post but I'm going throught what you are.

I'm one of *those people* now and there's no going back. But I guess, you know, we're both gonna be *those people* and that makes us, I don't know, less completely alone.

I wrote a post, too, if you want to read it at all.

[santiken]

Yes...me too. We are alone on this grief journey and it's such a roller coaster ride of sadness, anxiety, fear, loneliness, anger, ...for me I'm into my fourth month and it's still very, very raw...I never really know when these emotions will show themselves but I do know they will and now I just expect them to come. When my beautiful soul mate died I was in complete and total disbelief and shock and stayed that way for a couple of months. But now reality has set in and I'm starting to get more and more lonely and frightened of my own mortality. I used to love life but now I just feel sort of half dead....sometimes I feel a bit of joy but these moments are short lived. I hope someday we all can experience joy again in our lives. But for today, I just want to get through without too many painful emotions overcoming me.

[Lololynette]

OMG! I'm

With all of you on this! My fiancé was just ran over on his motorcycle. An older lady didn't see him pulled out in front of him! I passed the site on the way home has a strange feeling. I just knew as I was drawn in that direction out of my way. It been almost 5 weeks and yes I feel alone! I'm

Only 38 and alone! My future my everything is now gone! I had no say in the services he didn't want because we were not yet married. His mother won't give me half the ashes now and I'm

A mess like all of you. The pain is consuming and I am left with questions I'll never get an answer to. Mainly why does this horrible stuff happen to good people. Why must everyone on this planet suffer? I hope you all can have days without pain. I know the praying for death as I do this every night myself

[Njalla320]

So sorry to read of the pain all of you are experiencing.  I lost my significant other in October.  I found him dead.  I would like to fast forward past all of this.  It is very hard.  I know that you all understand, as I am feeling much the same.

[Jessxtony]

I'm feeling the same as you all too... the pain is unbearable as you all know ... I lost the love of my life so sudden to quick .. 2 months ago to the day ..

.4th December2015 my angel gained his wings.....

I dont wanna be here I know everyone says we have to for our families but the loneliness is killing me I just want him .. no one will ever fill his place I have many friends and family but I just want my tony .... he was only 36 ... not even half a life we lived ......

I walk around in total shock every day crying all the time it's like I have a heavy weight on my chest all the time and I now have bad anxiety. ....

I have bereavement counselling and online support groups . Don't know if there helping or not as don't feel any different .... just want the world to end .....

[Leenie]

3 weeks, that's all it's been. It may as well be 3 years...it doesn't matter. He's gone, and I'm left behind.

He was in good health ( I thought) was out shoveling snow at 3 am on January 23rd, so that he could get to work, he was an oil department manager. The next thing I know is the police are in my house, telling me he was found in the middle of the road, in his car, out in front of our house. He must have been driving to work, and suffered a sudden cardiac death ( different from a heart attack)

He was only 55, I'm 49, together for 18 years. I care about nothing, I'm sad, lost, depressed, angry, and cannot stand being around anyone. I go to work, come home, and just look at tv. Nothing will ever be the same. Trying to find a new normal is virtually impossible, and I don't care to do so. Everyone says, you aren't alone, want to bet? I am alone...nothing matters, he's gone, and I'm beyond devastated.

[MyJules]

I am so sorry for everybodies losses. I lost my beautiful husband one week ago and I am in a dull flat haze of robotics. I get glimpses of the most horrendous pain and anguish. It is unbearable and I almost cant take it. I know such darkness waits for me. My beautiful Love has transcended and our whole life of plans are gone. It gives me comfort to know your stories though. So thank you all for sharing. Yes we are each so alone without our loves but know that you have made me feel hust the tiniest tiniest tiniest bit less lonely for a few moments. <3