Members cindyjane Posted August 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 26, 2015 Hello everyone I find that writing/typing out my feelings helps me to get through them. Last year for the spreading of my mom's ashes, there were 5 of us there, my dad, sister, brother, my dad's best friend and myself. It was a beautiful little ceremony with the 5 of us and it felt good to fulfill my mom's wishes on where she wanted her ashes spread, the place where my dad proposed marriage and she said "yes." My dad passed away last Sept. 17th and my sister, brother and I have been waiting for his best friend (who has stage 4 cancer) to be well enough to spread our dad's ashes. A couple of weeks ago my dad's friend called and said that he is booked for a very complicated surgery in 2 weeks and given the fact that he is weak that realistically he may not pull through the surgery therefore he wants to spread the ashes. We chose to do this tomorrow. I let my sister and brother know and their response was "no, we'll wait until next Spring." I explained dad's friend's situation and they still insisted that the 4 of us will do this next Spring. My parents lived with me for the past 8 years, when my mom got sick I cared for her, when my dad got sick I cared for him. I encouraged both of my siblings to visit lots because I knew that our parents weren't doing well but they were too busy or pre-occupied with their own lives. Fast forward to today .... I want my siblings to have a say in things and have always encouraged and even begged for their help with our parents. Now I am wondering where the heck they are coming from that they don't want to do this (as I know my dad and he would want this done with his best friend present). I've been given no reason, just a flat out "no, we'll all do it next Spring." Don't get me wrong, I am hopeful that my dad's friend will make it through his surgery next month and be healthy by next Spring but I am following my heart on this one. Not to mention that I really do need closure. Anyway, my siblings must have talked because I got a phone call to go ahead and spread dad's ashes tomorrow and then we can do it again in the Spring. I've decided that my dad's friend and I will do this tomorrow but I am not saying one way or the other if I will do this again next Spring. I have to say that I am disappointed, frustrated and a tad bit angry about all of this. Hopefully I can shake it off by tomorrow because I'd like our little ceremony to be special with or without my siblings. Just needed to type this all out. Thanks for the space.Cindy Jane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Everly Posted August 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 27, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MissionBlue Posted August 28, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 28, 2015 Hello Cindyjane. I pray that the spreading of your dad's ashes brings you and your dad's best friend peace and comfort. In my humble opinion, I would not repeat the ceremony for your brother and sister. They are in no position to insist on anything. It's enough that they failed your father in life; looks like they are failing him in death as well. You don't need to witness that. If you don't mention the subject to your siblings, they will probably forget all about it. You are not alone in feeling disappointed with your siblings over their apparent indifference. I feel disappointed in my half brother, because he didn't visit either of our parents as much as he should have. My dad was only his stepfather, but he was the only father my brother ever had. I know he loved my dad, but for some reason his friends always come first in his life. And yet, his friends haven't helped him as much as my father did. It just doesn't make sense to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindyjane Posted August 28, 2015 Author Members Report Share Posted August 28, 2015 Thanks so much Evelyn and Missionblue for your support and kind words. I want to share how this all played out. After I posted the other day I sent my brother and sister an email letting them know that I was only spreading dad's ashes once and that it would be as planned with Jon. I also told them that if something changes and they decide to come that would be great and I left it at that. Then I prayed and turned it over to God. When my dad's friend and I arrived at the site where the ashes were to be spread my sister and brother were there and it ended up being a wonderful little ceremony in honour of our dad's life and I know that he would be happy with the kind words that we all shared about him and each during the ceremony. Some people may think I am a religion freak but I consider myself spiritual and a believer. Ever since my parents passed on I've relied more on prayer than anything or anyone else to give me comfort and somehow HE comes through for me every time I ask. Sometimes the answers or solutions don't happen immediately but HE always comes through. I don't want to come across as preachy but want to share what works for me. thanks again for the ongoing support since I started coming here. I just hope that I am able to pay it forward to you guys and others who come here. take careCindy Jane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MayFGL Posted August 28, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 28, 2015 Hi Cindy, I'm so glad that everything turned out the way you wanted it. You were there for your mom and you dad. It's so sad that your brother and sister weren't there. I'm just like you. I was there for my mom 24/7. Times were very tough and challenging for me, but, I don't have any regrets at all. We should all be very proud of taking care of our parents. I just heard the song called "Don't Blink" by Kenny Chestney as I'm typing. It's a country song. The song goes like this, Just like that you're six years oldAnd you take a napAnd you wake up and you're twenty-fiveAnd your high school sweetheart becomes your wifeDon't blink, you just might missYour babies growing like mine didTurning into moms and dadsNext thing you know your better halfOf fifty years is there in bedAnd you're praying God takes you insteadTrust me friend a hundred yearsGoes faster than you think, so don't blink This is so true. A hundred years goes by faster than you think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MissionBlue Posted August 28, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 28, 2015 That is wonderful, Cindy, that your brother and sister were there for the ceremony. God answers our prayers; maybe not always in the way we expect, but he does not abandon us. By not caving in to selfish behavior you forced your siblings to do the right thing. I think "force" in this case is the universal force that guides us to do our moral duty -- dharma. Yesterday, my homeless friend, who only had two years of formal education, was teaching me about dharma which he learned from a Buddhist friend. Before this, I had only heard about karma. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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