Lost my mom suddenly last Sunday

[Nurseandi]

My mom wasn't feeling well Saturday, she said she was having similar feelings to when she had her heart attack 8 years ago. I took her to the ER and thankfully she wasn't having a heart attack, but unfortunately was in septic shock from urosepsis. She was admitted to the ICU because her BP was so low. On Sunday, the doctors seemed to think she was doing a little better so I went ahead and went to work. As the day progressed, I was getting updates from my sister about her BP and relaying what the doctors were saying. I decided to leave early and went to see her when I realized the BP stabilizing meds weren't working like they should be. I got there and she was really uncomfortable and quite anxious. It was almost 4. My sister needed to get home to her little ones so she left and my mom said "go take care of them, I will be ok tonight". Soon after she left she told me that her leg was numb so I looked and felt, it was ice cold and her other leg was clammy, but warm. I alerted her nurse who told me it was normal for septic patients but she would get an ABG to check her blood levels. I was holding her hand and warned her the ABG might hurt and the respiratory therapist tried to find it. They couldn't find a pulse and decided to go find a Doppler to locate an artery. Seconds later the ICU doctor ran in and told me to move, I looked and realized she was in Vfib and they started CPR immediately. I called my sister (who is very close to my mom) and told her to get back right away. And they worked on her for 25 minutes, I wouldn't let them stop until my sister got there. She finally got there and I quickly explained what had happened and said her body wasn't responding, and we agreed to tell them to stop.

As a new nurse, this was extremely traumatic for me. I knew everything they were doing so I have no real questions in my mind about it all, but I can't get the images, sounds, voices, smells, out of my mind. If I am not completely distracted it is all I think about.

I am so thankful for my husband and kids right now, they are keeping me going. My kids are a huge distraction, which is good. But today was my husbands first day back to work since it all happened last week. I am not handling the day well and am so overwhelmed.

[Jackieangel84]

I am so so sorry for having to go through this! I can relate to your story and how you are feeling. My mom died last week too. Her funeral is tomorrow. She was removed from life support and I pretty much watched her suffocating. It was the single most awful thing I ever witnessed. I can't get it out of my head either. So haunting! I have 3 little ones. Worried when my husband goes back to work Thursday. Don't know how I will react. I'm sure I will feel the same way. Hugs to you

[Mydeepestthoughts2]

So sorry to hear the sad news..the death of someone that we love is truly heart breaking, even more so when it is unexpected. Having the sad images of our loved ones dying, can take a tremendous toll on us, you may want to try focusing on the many good times, and memories that you had together. You may find that it may be part of your grieving process, and may fade or become more controlled with time. A question that many ask during times of grief is "Will mankind always have to suffer and die, and why does God allow it to happen?" A hope for the future is provided in the words at Revelation 21:5..which reads

"And the One seated on the throne said: “Look! I am making all things new .” Also he says: “Write, for these words are faithful and true .”

A time when sorrow, and sickness is no longer..No more sad thoughts of suffering in the past of those that we love..A fantasy? Why not make an examination for yourself? Click on the free link, and receive satisfying answers to life's big questions..

http://www.jw.org/en/publications/books/know-the-truth/1102008390/

[Everly]

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[sad&lonely]

I'm so sorry for your loss, losing a mum is the hardest thing life as thrown at me so far!!

My mum also past very suddenly of septicemia, she was all alone in her home and we didn't find her until the following day. It breaks my heart to think how she must of felt, the fear of what was happening or if she just passed out and died.. We will never know.

Try to find a little comfort in knowing you were there by her side. Be strong, the pain is still strong but it does get a little easier to deal with.

X thinking of you x

[cindyjane]

Nurseandi ... jackieangel ... I am so sorry for your losses and all that you've been through.  I was with my dad for the hours prior to his passing on and I still think about those hours often.  Yet somehow I am grateful that I was with him rather than him being alone.  That is what I shift my thinking to when those images come to me.  I believe that they are aware of our presence and that helps with their journey leaving this life and going to the next.  

 

My deepestthoughts2 ... thanks for posting that link.  The truth for me is that although other people are a great support and very helpful, the biggest comfort I get is in my faith and in God.  

 

Evelyn .... sad&lonely....HUGS, to you both

 

Back to the faith thing .... my favorite and most comforting scripture (which I used in both of my parents obituaries) ... John 14 which was spoken in Jesus' own words ... 

 

John 14 Jesus Comforts His Disciples

14 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God[a]; believe also in me. 2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 4 You know the way to the place where I am going.”

I love that Jesus Himself comes to take us home.

God bless

Cindy Jane