Members Jackieangel84 Posted August 21, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2015 My beautiful mama went to heaven yesterday. Last August she was diagnosed with brain cancer. After surgery, radiation, chemo, seizures, steroids she held as strong as she could. Amazing strength. About a month ago she came down with a cough. She wasn't getting better so we took her to the hospital. She was admitted and given a blood transfusion and x rays. It was determined she had pnemonia in both lungs as well as a blood clot. She tried everything to fight. Eventually she had to be on life support, and after two weeks we made the horrible decision yesterday to remove her from life support. I've never seen anyone die before and it was beyond traumatic, especially since it was my mom. We were as close as mother and daughter to get. I felt piece of my heart rip from my body and now feel an empty hole. I saw her struggle to breathe, gasp.. She was on morphine and they assured me she wasn't suffering, but I saw differently. I was sobbing and even fainted. It was the worst thing I've ever seen or experienced. To add to all the heartache, my dad is just beside himself. They have been married 34 years and she was his whole world. He lost both his parents to cancer when he was very young , his mom at 11 and dad at 19. He was already so scared she would be taken from him and she was. I am needing help to find ways of helping him through this. He is so lost with out her. I worry for him. I'm one of 4 children but all my siblings live out of state other than me. I have 3 small children to take care of as well. I am in complete utter pain and shock and trying to hold it all together. Any advice, tips, anything that can help me get through this!?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Everly Posted August 21, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindyjane Posted August 21, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2015 Jackie ... I am so sorry for your loss. I was with my dad at the hospital for the last 24 hours of his life and it was a very difficult 24 hours but in looking back (almost a year later), I feel blessed that I was there with him. Today I see it as a gift because although he couldn't communicate I believe that he knew I was there and today I get some comfort in that. Although we know that they were slipping away, when it happens we go into shock and feel numb and so much pain but that is because of the deep love we have for our parents. The best suggestion I can offer you at this time is to just go with your feelings. Let the tears flow when they come ... tears are healing. Take care and keep in touch here. Like Evelyn says, all who come here have gone through the loss of a parent and we can relate to the feelings you are going through. take careCindy Jane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jackieangel84 Posted August 21, 2015 Author Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2015 Thank you both so much for your words. It makes it some what better knowing I'm not alone and not the only one feeling such immense loss and heartache. My mom was only 58. I am 31. It's just so difficult to loose parents at any age but I feel that is far too young to go. I also feel like I now have to step in the mother role in my family. I am already a mother in my own but I feel like my other siblings need that guidance and especially my Dad. I just am so shattered and don't even know where to go from here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindyjane Posted August 21, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2015 58 is young Jackie and I can see how you might feel robbed of time with your mom. When my mom passed away I started writing her a letter telling her how much I was missing her and all of the good times I had with her since childhood. I wrote what a good mom she's been. I would write the things I was doing with my days, kind of like letting her know. That letter turned out to be a daily journal because I wrote and wrote and wrote every day for the first 3 months after she left us and it helped me get through things because I was expressing all of my thoughts and feelings. I don't know about stepping into the role of mother with your siblings and dad. We can't fill in for another person's life but you can certainly be a loving and supportive sister for your siblings and a loving and supportive daughter for your dad. I find that the thing that people need most when we go through such a loss is LOVE. I'd like to share with you that I have always been close to my dad and after my mom left us we became so much closer. We shed a lot of tears together. As much as I missed her, my dad missed her more so I spent a lot of time with him and am so grateful that I did because 11 months later, he passed on. Needless to say, I started my letter writing/journalling again. In recent months I switched to writing letters to God, letting him know how grateful I am to have had them both for parents. I thank HIM every single day for that. Take care and know that we careCindy Jane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nurseandi Posted August 24, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 24, 2015 I'm so sorry for your loss.I lost my mom last week and have two little ones as well. One thing that has helped me through the harder moments has been trying to think of a happy memory when I get really upset or on the verge of tears. And I try to go back to parenting 101. Feed them, change them, keep them safe. A few days or even weeks of more TV than usual isn't going to hurt. Hang in there and I hope it hurts a little less every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jackieangel84 Posted August 24, 2015 Author Members Report Share Posted August 24, 2015 Thank you for the support! I need it so much right now. Tomorrow is my moms funeral and I don't know how I'm going to deal with this. I just can't get past the finality of it all. Never seeing her, calling her, hugging her.. I just want my mom. I m hoping that I can get to a place where it just won't hurt so much.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sad&lonely Posted September 3, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 3, 2015 Jackie I just read your post and I am truly sorry for your loss.I haven't any advice on how to help your father as my daddy has also passed away.Just be strong. For yourself then for others. I do hope you have family and friends around to help.We are all hurting here, this is why I come back to this board every now and then when things get to much for me as I know here is where I am understood. My mum passed away in April, it still hurts, I still go to call her or say "oh I'll tell mum, or mum will like that" then it hits me all over again, that she is gone.My mum wasn't ill, she was just taken to heaven with no warnings, no goodbyes, no nothing... Thinking of you xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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