I can't cope. This is too hard and so unfair

[Fragrantcloud]

Hello all, I don't know how to do this so I will just start. It's been one week since I lost my mum and I am just 20years old. :cry: I have a 14 year old sister and my Dad left only. We were a small family. Over the last week I have felt things I don't understand, I have gone through things I never thought possible. My mum had been going through a lot, back in February of this year she was stuck in our bathtub and the ambulance had to pick her up and she was given a pethadine injection and a dose of steroids and we found out my mum had a degenerative bone disease in her one knee

[Everly]

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[Rosesdaughter]

I am sorry but you have to know your mom still loves you. SHE will always. I lost my mom in April. It was just her and I..no one else in family..she was in nursing home and getting weaker, I tried to get people to figure it out but they didn't...So on that Friday , they called and said she needed help. Went to hospital.there I was finally told she was dying..today tomorrow.soon...I was there all day, her sleeping breathing must be apnea and it was so hard to listen to.that night she was awake, eating, I thought I needed a good night sleep so I left. She slept but awoke and had more food..but during night something happened..when they checked she was alive but unresponsive...never woke up..I was with her until the end but I wonder if I had stayed, would she have lasted long enough to have one final conversation..So I get your what ifs.....but please know she loved you

[Trish91]

Dear Rosesdaughter and Fragrantcloud,

 

I'm really truly sorry for the loss of your moms, and like Eve, I understand your pain and truly sympathize with what you are going through.

 

Fragrantcloud, you have the right to feel angry at God, at yourself, at the world, and to feel desperately lonely and lost, because of the very special relationship that you shared with your mom.

 

Please do not bottle your feelings up, please rant and rave on this forum whenever you need to and feel like it. This forum has truly supported me over the last year and nearly eight months, and I am still grieving, I will grieve forever, until I die, I am afraid, for I truly love and miss mom, who my everything, still is, and always will be, even though I have still been able to laugh, work and love my husband, remaining family and friends.

 

However, I am not the same. I have changed, a critical piece is lost forever within me along with my mom, and I am no longer the happy go lucky, easy going, motivated person who I used to be. My mom was my anchor and biggest supporter, and I am lost in so many ways, but I am still alive.

 

You are extremely young and so is your sister, so it's super unfair that your also young mom had to pass away leaving you two and your dad completely alone. However, we don't have answers as to why some die sooner than others and some die in their sleep while others suffer for months and even years, and others live pass 85 without major illnesses. I simply don't know and I agree that it's totally unfair.

 

I am angry at God too, sometimes, but mostly, I'm regretful and angry at myself for not being able to do more to make my mom's life easier and better before and during her illness.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I am here to talk if you so wish, and that this forum is a truly great support, and that your feelings are completely valid and needed under the terrible circumstances that you are now facing!

 

Warm regards,

 

Trish