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Need for validation


Nassilia

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Hi everyone,

Have you ever experienced being around people who at some point made you feel like your story wasn't hard enough and that it was time for you to move on?

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Hi Nassilia,

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by not hard enough? Do you mean suffering? Or do you mean some people feel as though you've had enough time to grieve, and they are uncomfortable so they want you to move on?

 

ModKonnie

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Hello there,

I meant it as in "sad enough"

A lot of times, people make you feel like at some point, you've gotta move on.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

I think in general most people who haven't had that loss in their own inner circle voice that.  It is only when it is their own, that they discover the depth of grief.

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Very true, often their make one feel like they have been 'grieving' too long and that it is no longer valid to be there still.

It's like they expect the grieving person to just stop caring for/remembering the person they lost and just move on.

I have had a situation where I started crying because I was very far from home and I just couldn't take the pain and I was told "oh you know, think about him (my little 18 year old dead brother) in a positive way and just try to build a spiritual relationship with him"

It was my 1st time crying (in a year after we lost him) and I was kind of told "not to"

I really am in a bad place right now.

Thanks for answering tho, I appreciate it.

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Thank you so much,

I am sorry for the loss of your mother, often, when death happens, people feel the need to say something and it usually comes out in a very ugly way.

Unless you have experienced loss, you will never be able to understand the struggles you're left to deal with for the rest of your life.

I have lost my 18 yo brother 15months ago and yet people find a way to make me feel like it's an old story and in someway they try to "convince" me that it's ok for him not to be here anymore, so I can imagine people's reactions when it comes to your mother's passing.

We all are looking for validation, we all want our story to be heard and validated by those who matter the most to us.

Being alone sucks but it's way better than having to deal with idiots.

Keep going,

Hugs to you as well

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Hi Nassilia

My 22 year old sister died 6 months ago. A few days ago I received a text from a friend saying that it was good to see me back to my old self. This friend sees me once a week, for an hour during a tennis lesson, where we barely have time to exchange more than a few sentences because we are playing tennis. How on earth she could possibly know I'm back to my old self (I'm not nor ever will be) and how she thinks I could ever be recovered this quickly from losing the most important person to me in the world, leaves me baffled. All it does is show the huge divide in understanding from people who have suffered a life-changing bereavement, and those that are blissfully unaware of quite how horrendous this is.

Xx

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And I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother. Our siblings were so tragically young xx

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