Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Loss of Mother - How do i help my dad?


spencerreid

Recommended Posts

  • Members
spencerreid

So my mom passed from stage 4 cancer not even 2 months ago. While I'm 14 (my brother is only 12), this hit me hard since she was my best friend and I have this very empty feeling to the point where everything I once did with her, has no meaning (like going to Disney, or Hooters, even shopping ). My dad isn't doing well. He barely talks to us unless we need something, and he sits in his room all day long. I know he lost his wife of 18 years, but how do I help? I just want to tell him that it will be okay, but it won't. We will never see our mom and best friend again. Help?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hugs Spencerreid ... I am so sorry for your loss.  I believe the things that you did with your mom has major meaning.  Those things would have brought your mom much joy as well as they have given you some wonderful memories and down the road, those memories will warm your heart when you think about them.  

 

I went through the same thing when my mom left us.  My dad lost some of his zest for life, and that is understandable.  Sadly he passed away 11 months later.  During those 11 months before my dad passed on, we spent a lot of time together ... watching tv, working in his garden, just being together.  We cried many tears together and shared the difficult feelings we were having.  I acknowledged that although I missed my mom sooooo much that my dad missed her more.  

 

There weren't many words to comfort my dad.  I found that just being with him helped even if we didn't say much to each other.  No 2 people grieve the same but I found that in grieving together this helped us both.  

 

Not sure if any of this helps but just know that you aren't alone.  The good people who come here are very supportive so keep coming back and sharing your feelings.  

 

God bless you and your family

Cindy Jane 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Spencerreid, I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. This is a tremendously stressful and terrible time for the family. You're probably going through a lot of emotions---confused, scared, depressed, alone, guilty and worried. 

 

I know very well how you feel because my mom passed on March 13. It just been 4 months. I miss my mom everyday. She was my best friend, my mentor, our family glue and my partner in crime. Now, I won't be able to do things with my mom anymore. Like watching her favorite Chinese opera together, talking and taking her out to eat.

 

You and your brother lost your mom. Support each other. Be there for your dad. Your dad just lost his wife of 18 years---that is a long time. It's still very fresh for all of you. If it gets worse later, suggest going to a therapist. Do you have aunts, uncles or grandparents that could help with your dad's grieving? Maybe they can help find a therapist.

 

The bright side of this is that you have all the precious memories when your mom was around. Your mother was a special person and your relationship must have meant a lot to you. Again, I'm sorry!  :(

 

Hugs to you and your family.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Hoffman2013

Spencerreid-

 

I know this might not help much, but this is so new for you guys. Try not to expect too much from your dad or yourself. Our mom passed away in April from cancer I'm 31, but my sister is 14. We are just starting to process our loss. I know you are suffering now, but eventually your happiness will come back. As for your dad, try baby steps. Suggest short outings to the park or just walks around the block (get him outside in the sunshine if you can). Try to find peace in the little things in life like making dinner or playing a board game together. Just take it one day at a time. Getting help and support, talking to others and asking for the advise is the best thing  you can do for your family and yourself. You may be 14, but you seem to be very resourceful and smart. I lost my dad at 24. It took some time, but I eventually found my happy place again. You'll never stop loving her or missing her, but the pain you are feeling now will fade over time and in its place will be the happy memories you shared together. Take care of yourself. If there is anyway you can see a therapist, i would strongly suggest it. Dad is probably trying to be strong in front of you. He probably needs someone to talk to who understands the loss of a spouse. My mom, dad and brother have passed away and each loss has been very different for me. You seem to already recognize that the grief involved with loss of your mother is different than your dad losing his wife (and also the mother of his children as well as his best friend). Unfortunately, its one of those life lessons you have to live to understand. I'll be thinking about you. Hang in there. It may be so gradual that you don't even notice it, but it will get easier to feel normal again. (cry whenever you need to. it helps-let it out!)

 

Hang in there,

 

Sarah

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
spencerreid

Thank you everyone - nothing will really help and heal me fully, obviously, but knowing people are supportive and know what I'm going through is very reassuring. We went to Olive Garden tonight, and my dad didn't want to go at all since it was one of my mom's favorite restaurants, and we all started crying. The waitress wanted to give us our meal for free, but my dad gave her money since she didn't even know us.

It's just hard knowing I won't be able to talk to my mom again. I remember always going shopping with her and finding a funny shirt or making fun of something and just laughing our butts off. I miss the little things. And I DO believe in God and Heaven, since I was raised Christian, but I know from the Bible that In Heaven, I won't be able to do all these things and I'm trying to figure out why I got my best friend taken away from me so early.

The last day I talked to her in the hospital, I felt so...wrong leaving her and couldn't stop saying "love you ma" and she just said "see ya tomorrow, babe", yet she didn't see me again. That hurts my heart so much.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.