Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Grief Stricken and Traumatized


Callicat45

Recommended Posts

  • Members
Callicat45

Sunday night I lost my cat, Calli. I'm devastated. Heartbroken. She was a present when I graduated 5th grade, she was a kitten being fostered by one of my mom's coworkers. We ended up adopting one of her litter mates as well.

Calli was the best cat. Petite, gorgeous long haired calico. She was sweet and loving, rarely meowed but when she did, it was soft and quiet. She loved cream cheese as a treat. She was also lazy and shy. She just wanted a comfy place to sleep all the time. Over the past month she had been losing weight, but she was still eating. Nothing else seemed wrong. An indoor cat by choice, she even started venturing outside to lay in the sun.

The day before she passed she was fine. She ate. She mostly slept but that was normal. She grew lethargic as the day went on. Her breathing changed. I knew deep down it was her time. I couldn't stop crying.

She didn't normally sleep on my bed, but that night I carried her to the cat bed on my bed where she slept all night. On Sunday morning she seemed better, she even climbed up into the cat tree.

It was hot out, so I gave her a bath because she really needed one. Everything went downhill after that. She stopped being able to stand. I laid her in a cat bed and dried her and covered her with a heated blanket. Force fed her a few bites of food. She just laid there for hours and I would come and sit with her, petting her. In the evening around 9:30, I was sitting with her and she started retching. She couldn't stand, so I tried to hold her up if she was going to vomit. She started gasping, her eyes wide, gulping like a fish out of water. I laid her back down and cupped her head, talking to her in the baby voice she loved. Then she just..froze. I lost it. I was crying and screaming. It sounds dramatic, but it's how it was. She wasn't gone though. She took a few last gasping breaths as I begged my mom to take her to the emergency vfet. I was babbling incoherently about being sorry and she was such a good cat and how much I loved her and I didn't want her to be in pain and suffer. My mom took her to the ER, which is just around the corner. She was already gone by the time she got there.

Since then, I've run the gamut of emotions. A lot of guilt. Could I have someone fixed her? Made her better? Did I hurt her when I gave her the bath? Should I have put her to sleep sooner? And a lot of sadness. Deep, aching grief. I cry all the time. I keep relieving those last 5 traumatizing minutes of her life. I hope she wasn't in pain, why did it have to be her, why now? She's been my best friend and companion for the last 15 years. We grew up together and I can't even remember what life was like without her.

I hate being home. I hate looking at where she would sleep, seeing bits of her fur or anything that reminds me of her. I can't eat. I definitely can't sleep. I'm antsy and can't keep still. Can't focus. Can't concentrate. I cry all the time, I'm set off at the drop of a pin. I already have depression and anxiety but this has caused me to spiral deeper. I don't really have a support system that understands what I'm going through. My mother isn't the type to cry or talk about it. She just moved on with her life. Callie's death has hit me harder than any human death I've experienced.

I don't really know what I'm doing by posting this. I just have a lot inside me that I need to get out. I want to be better and not hurt. A logical part of me knows that Callie lived a very long and good life and that toward the end, her quality of life suffered. On top of this, I also have a cat, ebony, who was adopted in 1997 and is about 20 (shelter wasn't sure if her age.) she's on weekly fluids, she's gone deaf, has cataracts, she's senile, has recently begun to pee outside the box and I know her time is coming soon too. In 2013 we had a scare with Ebony's kidney health and Callie's sister, Lily, a long haired white cat had skin cancer. It happened all at the same time and there was a big chance that they would both have to be put down. Luckily, they both made it out. Lily had to have her ears and nose removed, but now she's otherwise healthy.

Now I'm just rambling. If you've made it this far, thank you. It already feels like a little weight has been lifted.

post-403217-0-58952200-1436430724_thumb.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Callie is such a lovely cat. Your not alone in your grief. I had to put my 18 year old cat to sleep on Monday and like you my grief is immense, her loss is so great I just miss her so terribly... My cat had kidney failure and there was no help for her... I'm so heart broken and devastated like you I can't eat and I can't sleep I cry all the time... And at work if anyone mentions my cat I just cry uncontrollably, I'm a totall mess.

Coming home is so hard as I expect here there waiting for me... But she is gone and I'm left behind to mourn her.

I speak to her everyday although she is not here, It's hard to come home to an empty house.

So I do feel your pain. Just remember that she passed on in your arms at her chosen time. For my cat I always wonder if I should give her an extra day or two, questioning if I'm doing the right thing... The vet said that it's the best thing for her - so she doesn't suffer.. It's all just so hard, but love never dies so I know we will meet again..

Look after yourself and take heart that you have given your little callie a good and happy life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Callie is such a lovely cat. Your not alone in your grief. I had to put my 18 year old cat to sleep on Monday and like you my grief is immense, her loss is so great I just miss her so terribly... My cat had kidney failure and there was no help for her... I'm so heart broken and devastated like you I can't eat and I can't sleep I cry all the time... And at work if anyone mentions my cat I just cry uncontrollably, I'm a totall mess.

Coming home is so hard as I expect here there waiting for me... But she is gone and I'm left behind to mourn her.

I speak to her everyday although she is not here, It's hard to come home to an empty house.

So I do feel your pain. Just remember that she passed on in your arms at her chosen time. For my cat I always wonder if I should give her an extra day or two, questioning if I'm doing the right thing... The vet said that it's the best thing for her - so she doesn't suffer.. It's all just so hard, but love never dies so I know we will meet again..

Look after yourself and take heart that you have given your little callie a good and happy life.

 

Sorry about your kitty. It's really tough. I've had to put other cats down and it's never easy but if you're at that point, it's the right thing to do.

 

Some moments I'm okay, but moments like now I realize that she's gone and I'll never see her again and I have a panic attack. I hope time will help.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Having a bad night. It's been almost 3 weeks and things sometimes feel like they're getting better. I'm trying hard to not think about calling in anything but an abstract way. If I start thinking any deeper than that then I just lose it. I miss her so much. It's hard to really think and grasp that I'll never see her again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I did a search and found this site .. thankfully. . I lost my baby last night and I'm devastated ..feeling like nobody in the world could understand this .. i loved my baby soooo much ..I'm thankful that I'm not alone ..I'm so sad i can't stop crying. she was only two.. i want her back so bad. I don't even have answers as to why she even got sick. I held on and tried to fix her. I would have done anything. I sobbed and just kept telling her i was so sorry as she took her last breath. I stroked her head repeating she was such a good girl. She was an angel. So sweet. Irreplaceable. .I'm just so heartbroken. . I spent ..well owe over $1200 trying to save her.. i didn't care.. it was like my child was lying there.. save her i was screaming in my mind .. begging God... we need her .. we love her so much.. i feel like I sound crazy ..but i pleaded for her life. I've had my dog for thirteen years and she is still pretty healthy. .why did i only get two years with my sweet baby .. it's so unfair. We were so good to her.. she was so good to us. my quiet girl.. i don't want to feel this pain..it's too much.. all of her things remain. .i haven't been able to move any of it.. life is so unfair. .i will never ever forget my sweet baby.. she took a piece of my heart when she left..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Glad l found this website reading other peoples stories people who can relate. My grief is still raw think about my cat Sophie all the tIme the horrible vision of her being hit by a car. It is all if only...you were there with her when she died and she knew that l hope you are coming to terms with your loss god bless xx

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I'm sorry about both your losses. A month later and the loss feels just as fresh as if it were yesterday. I know it will get easier, it just takes time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.