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Seeking guidance to help my nieces and nephews.


imjetguer

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My sister in law passed away suddenly and tragically in a car accident with her brother last week. She left 5 kids behind. 3 boys age 16,14 and 5 and two girls age 7 and 9. I'm very close with my nieces and nephews.

What I'm seeking is guidance in how to help them cope with such a terrible loss. The details of the accident are terrible (burned inside a car) and just two years ago my brother and my s-n-l separated. She was a hard worker who loved the kids like no one could. I'm scared my nephews will grow up disillusioned with life and upset at how cruel life was to their mom.

I'm there for them and have told them that and have been seeing them daily and housing them since the accident. Apart from telling them I love them very much daily. I don't know how much or how little I should mention their mother among many other questions. Again any guidance is greatly needed.

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imjetguer, my condolences for your loss. I just can't imagine what the kids are going through at such a tender age. Losing their father and now their mother. You being there for the kids is the right thing. The kids need you. I wish I can give you guidance. I wish I knew the answer. It is so sad. 

 

Hopefully, when someone reads your story they will point you in the right direction.

 

Bless you and take care.

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silverkitties

I feel for your loss--and the children's. To say it must be tough is such an understatement. I don't have any kids myself, so perhaps there might be some parents who can step in here and put in a few words.

 

But I will say this: there are some positives though: you are close to them and housing them. That is a huge positive because it will be much less isolating for them. It's good to tell them you love them too; in fact, it may easily be the most important way of helping them heal.  I would recommend having individual talks with them in age appropriate ways. (Perhaps the younger ones might be more willing to open up?) Ask them how they are feeling on a daily basis; if they look sad or unhappy, ask them why--but don't assume it's because of the death. (Maybe someone was mean to them at school?)   Tell them you can only imagine how they're feeling and that if they ever want to talk about Mom or Dad, you will always be willing to do so.

 

Encourage them but don't force them to speak. Being forced to speak can be just as bad as repression, especially if they're still recovering from shock.  

 

You might also want to mention the deaths to the kids' teachers as well--just so they may be on the lookout in case anything happens. Or if they notice anything odd. 

 

Wishing you and the children peace--

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