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A void that is so big!


GardensButterfly

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GardensButterfly

Good Evening everyone!

 

     My mom passed Tuesday (June 9th, 2015) and until that day, June 9th had no significance for me whatsoever. How does a date with no meaning or significance become one of the hugest dates in your life? My mom was 74 years old and until three years ago, she was healthier than anyone I had ever known. She worked as a private nurse for over 40 years and worked almost every day. 

 

    One day, three years ago, she was helping a patient up and snapped a vertebrae. She had surgery and was good as new. Six months later, she did it again and that time was not as easy but she recovered from the surgery. A few weeks later, she had a tear in her bowel that lead to surgery, 6mths of a colostomy, then a reversal surgery and then healing. So all of that took a better part of two years. She was still able to go back to work!! 

 

    Then one night, she rolled over and could not breathe. She went to the ER and had broken ribs. They did a lot of testing and found multiple breaks with no explanation. No cancer, no verifiable disease except that her bones were brittle. She got pneumonia and ended up in the ICU for a week. That was April of this year. She got out on April 15th but by then, she was showing signs of Alzheimers even though she had not before then. In a few days, she was in full blown dementia and very manic. After that, a couple weeks ago she started sleeping a lot. Tuesday morning she was talking with everyone, acting much better and then went unresponsive. About 20 min later, she was gone. 

 

     Right now, the void is so huge that I can hardly breathe without it hurting. I cannot go to the funeral which is across the country due to money AND because I run a home pet sitting business in which I have five peoples dogs here and they are in various places in the country. Not going to the funeral does not bother me...I HATE funerals. I just miss talking to her so much. We had not been close until the last 10 years of her life but since then, we had talked at least twice a week. Now it feels empty. 

 

   The last ten years she has been my biggest cheerleader. She always knew that I could do anything I set my mind to and that helped me to continue on through the worse of times. She was so proud that I am in school and doing so well. 

 

    My brother is devastated as he was the baby and he and mom were "joined at the hip" even after he was married. My sister in law is taking care of him so well and handling all of the details. Shes been wonderful in keeping me up to date on everything. I worry about him a lot but it is hard to help him when I am here and he is there. He does have his best friend there too so that helps him a lot. I am trying to be really strong but it is not working right now. *sigh* 

 

     I know that it will get better but right now there is just a void...one huge void. 

 

Thank you for reading!

Angela

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Hi Angela,

 

I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like your mom was a very hard-working beautiful mom. The day my mom died March 13 was a significant date. That was the same day when she came to the U.S in 1969. So are my grandparents. My grandmother died on July 4. My grandfather died on his birthday. 

 

Your mom went through so much in the last three years. It's one thing after another. Is there someone who can attend to your business so you can see your mom one last time? I know money is an issue...maybe borrow money. I know you situation is very hard. I'm just trying to help with giving ideas. 

 

Just know that your mom loves you and your brother and is so dang proud of you. **HUGS**

I'm so glad you're here.

 

Take care

May

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Hugs Angela ... I am so sorry for your loss and that your mom had to go through so much in these past years.  She sure sounds like a strong woman.  I hear you about the date being significant now.  It's been 1 1/2 years since I lost my mom and 9 months since losing my dad and both dates will forever be significant to me.  As time passes on I do see these dates in a different light.  To me they are now dates that GOD took my parents "home."  Although I had tons of support from family and friends with both losses, the thing that truly got me through was my faith.  Prior to this I had faith but since then it has grown leaps and bounds and now when I think about my parents I still have tears but I am mostly grateful for the years of having such wonderful parents.  Time is a healer and so are tears.

 

In regard to that void ... it is HUGE because the fact is, things will never be the same without them here but in honouring my parents I try to be the best person that I can because they were such good people and I really do want to follow in their footsteps.

 

May ... I am so sorry for your losses.   We will always miss those we love but I believe that one day when it is our turn to go home that we will all be reunited.  

 

Cindy Jane

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