Members MayFGL Posted May 29, 2015 Members Report Share Posted May 29, 2015 My mom had a massive stroke on 2/23/15 and died on 3/13. I miss her so much. I was her main caretaker. I'm crying everyday. I feel so alone, but I'm never alone. I'm single and I have five other siblings but they're all married. It used to be me and mom for everything. The day she had the stroke, I helped mom to the restroom and came back 2 min to check on her and she wasn't ready. I went back to check on her 10 min later and she had the stroke. She was transported to Methodist Hosp where she had two blockages and 80% of her right brain was affected. About 8 months earlier, mom left arm suddenly went numb/cold and the top of her head had pain that came and went in a couple of second. We had her checked out and couldn't find anything. The thing that I feel so guilty is that when I went to check on mom in the restroom 10 min later, was it ten minutes later? See, I had a bleeding stroke in 2005 and another one in 2007. My whole right side is weak. These few years I have no sense of time. Was it 10 min, 15 min, 20 or 30 min when i went back to check on mom. I just remember about mom and I jumped up to check on her. I've been feeling that I killed my mom. I can't seem to live with that thought. If I had stayed close by, I could have called 911 earlier her.I started to take care of mom when she wasn't able to. She was wheelchair bound. I did everything for her. It was challenging for me because I'm handicapped, but, I would do it all over again because I LOVE MOM SO MUCH. I miss her terribly. I'm aching inside. MY DEAREST MOM, I'M SO SO SORRY! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mydeepestthoughts Posted May 30, 2015 Members Report Share Posted May 30, 2015 I am so sorry to hear about your mother's passing. Death brings many feelings of doubt,we will always wonder if we could have done something better. Think of the positive,you honored your mother by being there for her when she was sick, even though you are not well. Also the deep feelings of despair that you are feeling is being seen by God, and he cares for you. Ps.146:5,9 reads "Happy is the one . . whose hope is in Jehovah his God. .The fatherless boy and the widow he relieves." So Jehovah knows the guilt, and sorrow that you are feeling and he will sustain you. He also provides this hope, and promise at Rev 21:3,4 "And God himself will be with them. 4: And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.”Soon there will be no pain, sorrow, or suffering! If you would like to learn more about this, and other promises of hope..please visit this link. http://www.jw.org/en/publications/books/know-the-truth/1102008390/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MayFGL Posted May 31, 2015 Author Members Report Share Posted May 31, 2015 mydeepestthought, thank you for the comforting words! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lillypad24 Posted May 31, 2015 Members Report Share Posted May 31, 2015 My dad had the same situation as your mum had the same cold arm before and headaches also collapsed and doctors said it was vertigo then one night my mum kissed him good night and Popped out she came home to fine my dad crippled in bed he had a stroke fortunately he survived but was crippled all his life and can't speak my mum blamed herself for that till the day she died which is very recent hence why I'm on this sight all I'm saying is my mum worried so much about something happening to my dad she neglected herself guilt is a cruel thing but please please please don't because you cared and loved for your mum until the end you could not be by her side every second of every day because you do need to live to as harsh as that sounds you won't want to now because grieving as I am but I hope you read this back in a few months and make you see my mum did everything for my dad and that one night she wasn't within he had a stroke same as those 10 minutes your mum did Guilt is when you haven't spoken to your mum in years or stole off her but by the sounds of it you were nothing short of a fantastic daughter and you did your mum proud she will be at peace now watching and guiding you every day and you need to now live your life not only for your mum but for yourself because one day you will see her again life on Earth is so short and you need to gather some stories to tell her one day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members silverkitties Posted May 31, 2015 Members Report Share Posted May 31, 2015 May, I think you did everything you possibly could in the circumstances: especially considering that you had suffered a stroke yourself. I think your mom would have appreciated all that you did already...and all that you did afterwards too. Every day, I think of the things I could have done differently too. But then I realize why I didn't do them too because at that time, it made sense. The fact is in our family, all of us had a bit of blame--including my mother, I hate to say. Yet, what is important is that we realize that hindsight is always better--and that we tried as hard as we could in the present circumstances. Maybe I shouldn't have called the visiting nurse that Sunday (what we did not realize would be her last day at home). But then if we hadn't and she had a stroke or heart attack at home, we would be kicking ourselves for not having called. I comfort myself by knowing that my mom enjoyed the porridge and sweet potatoes I prepared for her on her last conscious day. And that her last words to me at the hospital were "I love you...take care." And then later on that evening when she said she was going to do her best to survive because she was strong. Looking back over the year, I know she appreciated my efforts even if we had some very difficult days. (Quite honestly, if it were not for my stupid, uncooperative father I think she might still be alive...). Had I known how much her cancer had spread, I might have been a little more patient. But in my optimistic mind, I thought she was only having a cranky day, not realizing that she was indeed rapidly declining. And yet, it is hard to realize any of this when you are hoping for a reprieve, It seems you did your utmost, considering that you had a stroke a few years ago. Yes, it may have affected your sense of time, but that is not your fault. You had no control over that. At the end, I'm sure your mother more than appreciates you for all that you did, despite being on the brink yourself. That is true devotion. Judging from what you've written in another thread, it seems that she knew that in her last hours when she squeezed your hand. It was her way of telling you she loved you for yourself....and for all that you had done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MayFGL Posted June 1, 2015 Author Members Report Share Posted June 1, 2015 Thank you so much. I am lost for words how I feel now. I'm definitely crying at the moment. Thank you for the kind word. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mydeepestthoughts Posted June 1, 2015 Members Report Share Posted June 1, 2015 You are MORE then welcomed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MayFGL Posted June 2, 2015 Author Members Report Share Posted June 2, 2015 It is one of those days. I have mixed emotions right now....depressed, guilty, angry. I woke up this morning with the smell of mom. I used to help mom rub medicated oil for her arthritis and aches and pains. I want to be with my dear sweet mom right now. I wonder was it mom or was I just imagining. I sometimes worry about her like "How is she doing on the other side?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MayFGL Posted June 8, 2015 Author Members Report Share Posted June 8, 2015 Does anyone ever wonder how are your loved ones are doing on the other side? Like me, I'm always worried and wonder about my mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sad&lonely Posted June 16, 2015 Members Report Share Posted June 16, 2015 Hi Maymw, you can not continue to feel this negative energy. It won't help, the way I see it is we all have our lives mapped out, it was your mums time to go, her job here was done. You are NOT to blame, 10 - 15 - 20 minutes, stop torturing yourself.Use your energy to be positive, remember the good times, focus on the future..All of the above is easier said than done, I felt / feel guilty about my mum too, if I'd called her on the Sunday, and suspected something was wrong for her not to answer maybe I could of got to her before she died, instead I called her Monday no reply so I go over to her house to find her dead, since Saturday night / Sunday morning (we don't know her actual time of death) she died all alone...Please be kind to yourself, your mum wouldn't want you wasting time being this sad. X hugs to you x x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MayFGL Posted June 16, 2015 Author Members Report Share Posted June 16, 2015 Hi sad&lonely, I know that I have to stop thinking that way. I had many people tell me that on this forum. I really appreciate people like you. I have my okay days and bad days. On bad days , that's when I think about it and cry throughout the day. This past Saturday has been just 3 months since my mom passed. Maybe as time passes I'll feel better....hopefully. I'm sorry for your great loss of your mom. You must've been devastated when you found your mother.Life is so cruel. Take care. ***HUGS*** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sad&lonely Posted June 17, 2015 Members Report Share Posted June 17, 2015 Life is very cruel, but I live in hope we will all meet again.I am just like you, have good few days then it all goes down hill, feeling guilty sad devastated all over again. I do hope time heals me.I know how you feel, we all do. Big hugs, chin up. It's another day :-)X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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