Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Multiple Grief, compounded hurt


Durton1983

Recommended Posts

  • Members
Durton1983

Hi All


 


I thought it would be useful to introduce my story from the past few years, in the hope that there might be someone out there who might be able to relate to some of my experiences, or perhaps offer some thoughts..


 


I am 32 and live in the UK. I am married with a wife and nearly 2 year old daughter. Life has been a bit up and down the past few years- perhaps best if I outline the things that have gone on.


 


In 2010, we got married in the August, and days later (whilst on our Honeymoon) my Grandmother passed away, at a good age of 87, after a few years of dementia. Not a good time, especially for my dad, who found it hard seeing his mum gradually fade away from the person she once was. In time, this became easier to deal with, and I got to a point where I realised that it was a blessing in a way that she was no longer suffering, and we had good memories of her and how loving she was to us all.


 


A couple of years later, in 2012, my wife and I lost a baby at 21 weeks, finding out on the scan that the baby had passed away, and my wife had to give birth to a still but very beautiful and perfect little girl. A real mixture of emotions, as we were delighted at the prospect of a child, but had to deal with the hurt and devastation this kind of loss brings to life.


 


Later that year in September my 86 year old grandfather was suddenly diagnosed with Cancer, after a rapid weight loss and surgery for gall stones. We saw him a few times up to his death- he was a very loving man who was passionate about his family. So it was the loss of grandad coupled with supporting mum, who had lost her Dad.


 


Fast forward to June last year. My mum and dad were on a cruise abroad when I had a phone call early one morning from my mum- very upset to tell me that Dad had had a Cardiac arrest in his sleep- and passed away at 58 years old. Dad was a very healthy guy, vegetarian, didn't drink or smoke and exercised regularly. This shouldn't have happened. His father had a heart attack and died at the age of 54, but that was in 1974 when people perhaps didn't watch what they were eating etc?


 


I apologise to summarise the above so quickly, but I have suddenly found myself having to deal with a seemingly regular occurrence of these things happening. I have been supporting my wife following the loss of our first child, supporting my mum on the loss of Dad, and have found, that whilst this has been going on, my grief has been stored up- I am unable to cry and feel I have little in the way of people to talk to. I don't know any friends who have lost a parent yet, and none of them as far as I am aware have lost a child.


 


I have struggled with work over the last few years and stress. I decided to go self employed last year following the death of my dad as I need to start looking after my own stress levels (Dad used to get stressed in his line of work, so we do think this had a bearing on things).


 


I have had some counselling and have been to a local support group, but I am feeling pretty isolated and lacking energy for most things. Can anyone relate to some of my points above? Some of the above are pretty natural- in old age etc- but I have written it all out to show the combined effect of things that have happened. Has anyone got any tips to start getting more energy going again- and being able to live (and move forward) with the loss? Are there any other people of a similar age in the UK that have lost parents, and who would be willing to talk, or find it useful?


 


Thank you in advance,


 


Durton83


 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Durton,

I posted to you in the post you put in Loss of a Parent. I hope you get a chance to read it. 

 

ModKonnie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Durton1983

Thankyou Modkonnie,

 

I have replied on the other board-

 

I really, really appreciate your response- it is a big help

 

Durton

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.