Who do you talk too?

[StayingPositive]

Hi everyone,

I've messaged on here a few times.

My Dad passed away just over 15 weeks ago, what I said right back then, to now is the same - life is different, very, very different, an ever shadowing sadness that I know will never leave me as my Dad was so important to me and I loved him so much.. But I stay super strong and plow on with life, busying my mind.

At first I spoke to friends, but I changed my number and now I've temporarily stopped speaking to any of them besides a couple.

I'm focusing on my work for now..

Who do you talk to when you feel sad?

[silverkitties]

I am glad you posted this, StayingPositive.

 

One of the most difficult aspects of bereavement is the sense of isolation. I dare say all of us have experienced this, even if we have a spouse, kids, or siblings.

 

I happen to be more or less by myself so it has felt beyond excruciating.

 

What do you do when those you thought you could count on are no longer there--or at least no longer bothering to call? Although I missed my mom very much the first two months, things did not feel completely bleak as friends in the community checked up on us and relatives called. We reciprocated at Christmas by giving them presents. 

 

But after that, everyone drifted away--so I began to miss my mother more than ever: she really was the only one who loved and supported me all the way.  Every once in a while, I would call one of my cousins. Yet,  I would be lying if I didn't say that sometimes I wished I didn't have to be the one doing all the calling.
 

It got so bad I finally called a suicide hotline, the Good Samaritans. I had no intention of committing suicide--and told them as much so they could decide if they wanted to speak to me or someone in a more urgent situation; it was kind of them to talk w/ me for nearly 20 minutes.

 

And yet, yet....I still want to talk about my mom with someone who knows her. I want to talk to her sisters, but I am not fluent in their language. So yes, my experience has been extremely challenging.

[sad&lonely]

Hi, sorry to hear about your dad. Its been 1 month today since my mum died. I don't have anyone I feel I can talk to at all. I don't speak with my sisters and friends all have their own lives/ problems of their own etc, I don't want to bring anyone else down with my misery.

I have a partner and a child, I think k because I haven't been a crying wreck that everyone seems to think I'm ok. But inside I'm far from ok..

I still miss my mum so much, there was so much more I still had to tell her, she dropped dead suddenly all on her own at home and wasn't found until the next day, for that I will forever be guilty I wasn't with her, even though I had no way of knowing she was going to die..

Life is very sad...

[Duckling51]

I feel exactly the same I lost my dad at the end of January!! It is amazing the strength we find to continue with life/work & all the other meaningless routines! I too have stopped talking to my friends, thinking they have heard it all before, and maybe they feel I should be getting over it by now!! I plan to buy a beautiful notepad & begin to write down my thoughts, my questions, my angry, sad & happu memories or stories about my dad!! I feel this may help! Why not try it also?! Sending hugs & empathy your way! Stay Postive - Staying positive!! xxx

[Lillypad24]

I feel your pain I am doing the same I lost my mother 2 months ago and I had so many friends and family now I have only one friend who also lost her mother same age as me as we are both 24 and I can only speak to her because she knows how im feeling she knows when I randomly start crying she knows its normal and lets me do it instead of thinking ok strange you was fine a minute ago or even worse just feeling awkward like most of my friends do I struggle so much because my dad has a speech disorder and cant speak as well because of a stroke so I cant really speak to him I just wanna go in a room and scream sometimes I honestly dont have answers but all I can say if you want to message me Ill be happy to chat to you and help each other if we can 

[GardensButterfly]

I know how you feel and feel the same way. I lost my mom Tuesday and the void that I have right now is bigger than I imagined. I have a brother but he is so devastated right now that he does not talk much and have my husband but I just feel like he would not understand although he probably would. 

 

I do not really have anyone to talk to and that is why I came here. I hoped that there would be people who understood what I was feeling and going through and while it is under the worse of conditions, I am so thankful that you all are here. That is horrible to say,isnt it? I would not wish this hurt on anyone. 

[MayFGL]

Hi Everyone, the feeling is mutual. I have no one to talk to, either. My friends don't even call to see how I'm doing. They stopped calling after mom's funeral. Some friends, huh?! My mom died on March 13 from a massive stroke and I still feel guilty despite friends on this site explained and comforted me.

 

Feeling lonely, guilty, sad, worthless. My siblings are all doing well. Me, I'm not. I'm taking it hard. Some days are okay and other days I'm crying my eyes out. I just want my mom.

[JeanMihalick]

Also no one. It seems no one wants to hear it, hear that I'm still sad and still struggling. My husband still has both his parents and I don't want to burden my son. My family has pretty much abandoned me. Have not talked to any of them since mom's funeral. Like everyone here I wish I had someone to talk to, even someone going through the same thing as me. Wish there was a way we could all exchange numbers and text each other or something but I'm not sure if that is allowed.

[MissionBlue]

I have many cousins, but I find it hard to talk to them, because they don't want to talk about sad things. If I feel sad at night, there's really no one I can call who would say anything comforting.  After the first three months, my relatives stopped calling me so often, which is to be expected.  They have their own lives and families to worry about.  They don't fully understand how I feel, because even though they love(d) their parents they're used to living away from them except on birthdays and holidays. 

 

I was talking to one cousin over lunch a couple of months ago.  She lives too far away to visit me often.   I mentioned how out of all my relatives, she understands best what I am going through, because her mother has lived with her all of her life. Her mom is going to be 90 next month. My cousin started to cry and said everything was going well until I said that. She said she would rather die before her mother than live without her (even though she has a loving husband and two grown daughters who are very close to her). I replied that even though I miss him terribly, I'm glad that my father died before me, because I would not wish my sadness and loneliness on him or on anyone.

 

While she was the most sympathetic of my cousins, now I don't dare call her for comfort, because I don't want to upset her.  She rarely calls me now anymore either.  I have an aunt in Connecticut who talks to me, but she's 91 and the time difference is a problem.  When I'm lonely at night, it's too late to call her.   She's a widow so she understands about grief, but I don't want to depress her. 

 

I have one online friend in Cincinnati who has given me a huge amount of moral support by email, but she rarely calls me.  I stopped calling her, because she almost never picks up the phone and she doesn't have an answering machine.  I really miss my late friend in Connecticut.  One time years ago we talked for five hours straight on the phone, but she died at my current age from cancer.  I used to have many older friends and relatives who would call me, because they were lonely, but they have all passed away.  Now that I'm lonely, there's nobody whom I can call.