Lost my soon to be husband

[ivorydeer]

I thankfully just discovered this forum today and joined in hopes of finding people to connect with. I live in a small town and feel so out of place with finding some comfort with others in similar situations. My heart goes out to anybody suffering through the same grief. I lost my husband exactly a week ago today, very suddenly and both of us at the age of 24 years old, this is mind blowing. The nights are always the hardest, him and I were inseparable. He was my best friend and vice versa. He's been sick the majority of his life, living out of the hospital (stroke as a kid, then pacemaker, and in 2000 had a heart transplant in Boston) I saw him an hour before he passed and everything was looking up. He was going to get some testing and come home in a few days, I left feeling at peace with everything and he seemed content. An hour later, I'm being paged up to his unit and there's 15 doctors around his bed. Blood pressure dropped to 50, they need to do a cath to get fluid out of his lungs, etc. The last thing he said to me was "it's going to be alright" I was able to squeeze his hand quickly and let him know I'm there before having to leave so they could put in a breathing tube. About 30 minutes later, the doctors came in and said his heart stopped. He went into cardiogenic shock and his was heart was in major rejection. I knew this would happen eventually, but not so soon. I'm left with our disabled 2 1/2 year old (speech delayed and same heart condition, just had a pacemaker 2 weeks ago) to say I'm overwhelmed is an understatement. We mainly just had each other and I wouldn't have it any other way. We both came from dysfunctional families and were able to support each other in every sense of the word. I just don't know how to go on anymore, but I'm trying to find some comfort that he didn't develop cancer from his awful medication and it was as peaceful as possible.

[Legacy]

I am so very sorry for your loss. And I am glad to see that you are finding the bright side in the situation. That's always the best way to continue hanging on. Being lost isn't all that bad. I want to say don't focus on getting better but give yourself the time to grief and mourn; getting better will come. But at the same time don't let his love for you go to waste by letting the sadness take over your life. The pain will dull over time. I don't remember, or rather don't want to remember, how I passed the nights after Don passed. Some nights these days still get so terrifying I'd rather not sleep. Although, I can sincerely say that the pain have become manageable. Your beloved is right, it is going to be alright. He will keep you strong. And you must be, for your son.

 

My best wishes to you and your son in this tough time. Sharing helps. So does crying. There are a lot of very helpful people here willing to listen and share, please keep your head up.

[ivorydeer]

Thank you for the reply and kind words. I actually read a few posts from you about your spouse and it sounded exactly like my husband and I. Even down to the family issues, like you said he was my anchor too. I hope you're getting by better these days. I wouldn't wish this on anybody.

[Miriamhuerta60]

I'm very sorry for your loss. That's terrible that it was so sudden. I pray for you and your family that you will find strength. It seems like he had a battle his whole life. But it's great that he found you and you were able to be there for him til the end. That's love. I wish you strength. And I'm so sorry for your loss

[Lololynette]

I am so sorry for you're loss! I pray for you and your son!