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I just don't understand how or why hes gone.


lydiaellejay

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lydiaellejay

I lost my dad incredibly suddenly on the 9th march. He had a heart attack during a nap and me and my mum and sisters tried to resusitate him but we never got him round and the paramedics never got a heart beat. He was 60 and im 19. I was back from uni as a fluke so got to be there at the time but none of us could even fathom that anything was wrong with him- he was the most vibrant, caring and funny man and he was my life. I have been in shock these past weeks but its starting to hit me slowly especially for his funeral next week. I just dont understand why or how this could be so painful. I am devestated for my mum becausr he was her life and future but what happens now? Why do people get to see their parents grow old and i lose mine at 19?! My heart is broken and I have no idea how i can ever feel better or how anything can be okay again because he's not here and ill never see him again.

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StayingPositive

Really can relate to how your feeling. Since my own father recently passed away I have thought of life as a plan.. You came home from uni and were there when he passed, in his final moments you were with him and not miles away at uni, although extremely sad, in a few months time you'll find it comforting to know you were with him.

My fathers funeral was a bit of a blur on the day, no words can really describe how you will feel .. I was just numb. But although cut short, you did get to spend 19 years of your life with him and that's many, many memories you can think about.

I've been reading a lot of articles online, books etc recently on life after death and near death experience, I feel pretty confident that there is some sort of after life and your Dad will be with you, not in a physical sense but as a guide to the rest of your life.

Make him as proud as he always was of you and when you feel down, talk to him.. and never stop talking about him.

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This is such good advice. Out of curiosity, do you have an recommendations for reading materials? I too am interested in anything that deals with life after death or getting through the grieving process.  

 

And to the original poster, I know how badly it sucks to lose a parent when you are still so young. I am 30 and I just lost my mom. I try hard not to dwell on all the years I could have had with her and instead try to focus on all the good times that I did have with her, when others might not have had much time with heir parents, some not at all.  

 

Really can relate to how your feeling. Since my own father recently passed away I have thought of life as a plan.. You came home from uni and were there when he passed, in his final moments you were with him and not miles away at uni, although extremely sad, in a few months time you'll find it comforting to know you were with him.
My fathers funeral was a bit of a blur on the day, no words can really describe how you will feel .. I was just numb. But although cut short, you did get to spend 19 years of your life with him and that's many, many memories you can think about.
I've been reading a lot of articles online, books etc recently on life after death and near death experience, I feel pretty confident that there is some sort of after life and your Dad will be with you, not in a physical sense but as a guide to the rest of your life.

Make him as proud as he always was of you and when you feel down, talk to him.. and never stop talking about him.

 

 

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lydiaellejay

Thank you for both of your kind and comforting words. The suddeness of the incident has prolonged my confusion and sadness I think. I have been wandering round and surrounded by people and at times I just think my god no one knows what has just happened to me. I do have hope though because he was the most amazing man. We have created an ongoing charity page and have thought of many fun plans that he would have loved. What just scares me and breaks my heart is the fact is he gave 150% for everything and as a child your daddy is invincible- i didnt know it could hurt this much.

I would also love to read up on life after death.

Thanks again both of you and I am here for exchanges of words or help to get through together x

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Hi Lydia I'm so sorry about the loss of your dad.

I'm not far into the grieving process either (6 weeks) and it's ALL I think about; I know exactly what you mean about life going on as normal and I just want to scream at somebody "Do you realise what's happened to me???!" I was given 2 weeks off work and then had to go back; I work in a school so it's a happy environment and I've always enjoyed working there. It will probably save me in the end but for now I feel like I'm trapped in a bubble where I can see everything as normal around me but I can't access it because constantly weighing down on me is this terrible, irreversible thing that has happened. And that's what I find most difficult- the finality of it. I've always been an optimistic, problem-solving type person and to find myself in this bleak situation is incredibly difficult. I think I'm still in disbelief even though it's been 6 weeks. Never before have I been so desperate to believe in heaven or some sort of after life. You should be really proud of yourself that you've set up a charity page and are making fun plans- that's really incredible and with that mindset you'll be amazed at the strength you have in the face of what's happened to your darling Dad. Sending you lots of warm wishes and support xx

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StayingPositive

@MissAshley @Lydia

Google Dr Eban Alexander a U.S. Neurosurgeon who has experienced the afterlife.

If you google scientific studies regarding near death experiences .. That comes up with quite interesting results.

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There are a lot of things I don't understand and the most important one is why mom had to leave at such a young age.  I can't offer you the best words of support (because I still need them myself - my mom passed away on the 10th of March) but what I can offer is reach out to people for support.  It's not easy to lose a parent and I doubt the pain will ever go away but being able to talk to people is what helps me.  Be there for your mom and lean on one another for support.  Remember the good times and allows those memories to get you through this difficult time.  The grief period has no time limit - take all the time you need and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  Keep your chin up and don't hesitate to reach out to any one of us - we all are going through similar situations. 

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wingsoflife7

I can't even begin to say how many times those same words of how and why have gone through my mind.  HMN2015, you are so right, there is not time limit for the grief.  March 13, 2015 was 1 year and it is still so raw.

 

Hang in there life does go on.  Each day is different up and down and back and forth.  My husband keeps saying to just breathe.  He is correct that is all we "have to do".

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