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Mother passed away Friday


Anthony 33d

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Anthony 33d

My mam was sent home from hospital 4 wks ago and she passed away last Friday from ovarian cancer .what I'm feeling At the moment is such an emptiness and already it seems to me like people have moved on already and forgot about her. She was 56 years old and was the best person I've known and she protected us from her illness right up to the very last breath . What hits me hard is I wonder to myself was she scared of what faced her ? She always said she never thought about it but it plays on my mind .

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Oh I'm so sorry.  It's such a horrible thing.  It will be 5mo on Friday for my Mom.

 

You will get a number of different reactions and emotions from people.  Some will be nice and supportive, and others won't be. Some people deal with death easier than some.  Some are simply more compassionate and caring, and others could give a crap.  The bottom line is you're doing to hurt, and you need to support yourself with people who are compassionate... for the ones that aren't, send them on their way.  My entire life changed on 10/13/15, I have lost alot of friends since then, my world is smaller and I talk to people alot less.  It's just my way of grieving... I can't handle the simplistic way people talk about my Mom passing :(

 

As for if your Mom was scared, I don't know the answer to that, but I can understand how you would want to know, and I understand that you question it and it's painful to question it.  I often wonder if my Mom knew what was happening to her during her horrible stroke that we had to watch... thankfully she went into a coma soon after, but there were a few hours there that she was not herself and it's so darn painful to have all these memories and questions in our bodies cause we loved our mother's so.

 

I have no answers for you, but unfortunately I know how you feel and there is lots of support out there, you just have to find it.  I'm really sorry your Mom passed away... I know how sad it is... I am right there with you.

 

Hugs and prayers.

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I don't know much about your mother or cancer, but I understand love. I think that if she went to lengths of sheltering you, she likely feared you having to lose her. Everyone fears things that they face somewhere deep in them, but the important thing is the love and the fact that you loved her too. Love could not exist without pain. Pain could not exist without love. She will never be forgotten as long as somewhere in your heart you hold on to her. I lost my dad in 2013 when I had just turned 11, things have gone very quickly and painfully, but the worst times where the times without hope.

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I am so sorry for all of your losses.  I can relate to how you're feeling ... lost both parents in less than a year.  My mom left us first then 11 months later my dad.  

 

In regard to people's responses following their passing, they were all different and I found that those who had lost a parent seemed to understand how I was feeling a lot more than those who haven't lost a parent.  I was like that myself prior to losing my parents. Although I was sincere when I passed along my condolences to someone, I just didn't get it until I lost mine my own.  Try not to analyse this too much because sometimes people just aren't comfortable talking about losses of this magnitude but that doesn't mean they don't care or have gotten over it....they just might be uncomfortable and don't know what to say.  Just putting that out there for you.

 

I am sure that your mom went through a lot of thinking in dealing with her cancer but the fact that she told you that she never thought about it, tells me that she came to terms with it and was accepting of it.  They say that when faced with such illness' that most people find spirituality and when they do, it makes going through those difficult times much easier.  

 

I believe in God, and I also believe that throughout our lives HE tries to make Himself known to us ... especially when we are facing the most difficult times and nearing the end of our lives.  That is usually when people are more open to God and actually reach out to Him.  When that happens I believe that we are able to face all difficult things more easily without fear.  

 

I hope this helps

take care you are not alone

Cindy Jane

 

 

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blackbutafly

Im sorry for your loss. I have burried both my parents my father just a few months ago. While he was in the hospital I would look at him and wonder if he was afraid Of what was going to happen. he was a mild mannered man and if he ever was sad or afraid of anything throught life he never showed It. this made me hurt for him more Because i would do anything for him but that i could not fix. I just made sure i was there for him in whatever way he needed until the end. im sure you did the same

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blackbutafly

I forgot. People will move on fast. Thats what they do. They go one with their lives while you try to put yours back together. Unfortunately this is normal. When my mother and father died i just wanted all the visitors to hurry up and go home. Because i knew that once they did that i could finally deal with what was happening. I know they were there to help and pay respect but i just wanted to fave the inevitable quickly which is...my life will never be the same. you will get through this. Ive gone through and and still am.

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Anthony 33d

Thanks for all your replies to me it really helps alot. I'm trying my best to get on with things and my two little kids really are helping alot when trying to get through tough days especially yesterday which was mothers day . Also I'm back to work this morning which will be really tough as my mam worked in the same company for 14 years ill just picturing her walking in collecting the lotto money as usual.

I have to be honest I'd lost all faith in my religion for the last few years I'm a roman Catholic and in Ireland the priesthood has had alot of cases against them with kids etc and turned me slightly against them . But while my mam was dying we allowed a local priest to be with us alot and the night before she died we were all waiting for mam to take her last breath and the priest was saying his prayers for her and mam found the strength to say open the gates !!! I nearly collapsed to the ground when I heard it but this was something ill never forget . There is definitely something special about it having witnessed my mams last few days with us and I'm so happy it's rekindled my faith in god.

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Anthony 33d

Thanks blackbutafly yeh it's very hard when It all goes quite and everyone back to there normal lives I do be thinking is that it now ? has everyone just forgot her so easy ? I know that she would be looking down on me saying get on with your life but it's just still so raw hard to believe she is gone and not coming back

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Anthony 33d

I am so sorry for all of your losses. I can relate to how you're feeling ... lost both parents in less than a year. My mom left us first then 11 months later my dad.

In regard to people's responses following their passing, they were all different and I found that those who had lost a parent seemed to understand how I was feeling a lot more than those who haven't lost a parent. I was like that myself prior to losing my parents. Although I was sincere when I passed along my condolences to someone, I just didn't get it until I lost mine my own. Try not to analyse this too much because sometimes people just aren't comfortable talking about losses of this magnitude but that doesn't mean they don't care or have gotten over it....they just might be uncomfortable and don't know what to say. Just putting that out there for you.

I am sure that your mom went through a lot of thinking in dealing with her cancer but the fact that she told you that she never thought about it, tells me that she came to terms with it and was accepting of it. They say that when faced with such illness' that most people find spirituality and when they do, it makes going through those difficult times much easier.

I believe in God, and I also believe that throughout our lives HE tries to make Himself known to us ... especially when we are facing the most difficult times and nearing the end of our lives. That is usually when people are more open to God and actually reach out to Him. When that happens I believe that we are able to face all difficult things more easily without fear.

I hope this helps

take care you are not alone

Cindy Jane

thanks for your reply it must have been so tough losing both your parents in such a short space of time . I'm realising now that everyone finds an inner strength they never knew they had .

just in reference to god through my mams death ive found my faith in him again which pleases me and my father who is very religious

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