4 Months Apart

[ryukyu_champloo]

I used to come on here after my father suddenly passed away this passed September.  Looking for comfort in those that have experienced the same, and to offer the same support.  It helped me tremendously.  So much so that I thought I was ready to face the world.  That the grieving was over and I could move on with my life.  4 months later in January of this year while visiting family in Japan, my wonderful Grandma passed away suddenly.  Ever since her passing my life has turned upside down.  Two people I loved.  And now I've realized I was never over my fathers passing to begin with.  

I've become mentally ill, and my mental illness has spread to panic and anxiety creating physical symptoms such as heart palpitations, headaches, nausea, sudden chills or hot sweats, insomnia, etc.  I've been to the emergency room 3 times, urgent care once, doctors, and now I started seeing a psychologist.  I don't know how to grieve and it's coming out as physical problems.  I'm incredibly lonely.  Although surrounded by wonderful friends, none of them can understand the pain that I am going through as they have never lost anyone themselves.  They try really hard, but it gets frustrating for them as it gets frustrating for me.  

Who do you turn to when you wake up with your heart beating fast, feeling sick, and wanting to jump out of your own skin at 4 in the morning?  So I'm here, hoping that writing and getting what I feel out at least in words will help me feel better.

[cindyjane]

Hugs Ryukyu

 

I can so relate to what you've shared here.  I lost my dear mom in Sept. 2013 and 11 months later my dad.  There are no words to explain to people who haven't been through such a loss that can help them to understand.  Sadly, a person has to go through this kind of loss themselves in order to really and truly understand.  

 

When my mom passed on I thought I would lose my mind but my dad kept me grounded.  In my heart I knew how much I missed my mom but always knew deeper in my heart that he missed her more ... and that kept me from falling apart.  Then when he passed on, it was like someone kicked me in the stomach.  I experienced shortness of breath, stomach aches and just feeling like I was outside of myself.  

Then it hit me!  Who can help me through this?  Who can give me comfort?  The 2 people who gave me these things all of my life weren't here anymore.  In my broken state with my heavy heart I got down on my knees and asked GOD for help.  Through the tears HE planted things in my heart ... He reminded me what good people and good parents I was blessed with ...  all of the good times we had throughout our lives ... the wonderful things they taught me .... and on and on.  At that moment I realised that my parents were now together and that one day I would be reunited with them when it is my turn to leave this world.  From that day forward I've been able to get through those rough periods, I can breathe, my stomach isn't in constant knots.  When I start missing my parents (and I do every single day), the first thing I do is to thank the Good Lord for blessing me with them.  You see, the feelings of grateful are way better feelings than feeling so sad.  HE gives me comfort.  Not sure if you are a person of faith but if you are, this is the time to lean on your faith.  GOD is good and HE loves us.  

 

I want to share one more thing with you.  It is a Bible scripture that I put in both of their obituaries;

John 14:1-4 ..."Don't let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God and trust also in me.  There is more

than enough room in my Father's home.  If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to

prepare a place for you?  When everything is ready, I will come and get you so that you will always

be with me where I am.  And you know the way to where I am going."  This was Jesus talking.

 

My sister later asked me why I picked that scripture to include in both of their obituaries.  After

my mom left us, through the tears I picked up the Bible and this scripture jumped off the page for

me when I opened that precious book.  

 

Ryukyu, GOD loves us and HE is here for us in the good times ... the bad times... the ugly times.  

All we have to do is ask HIM.

 

Take care and good for you in seeking out help.  We don't have to do this alone.

Cindy Jane

 

 

[cindyjane]

Sorry for such a long post, my heart goes out to you and I wanted to share the things that help

me with the hope that they help (((you))).

 

Cindy Jane