Mum died a year ago - dad is alienating me and secretly dating

[OllieS112]

Hi,

 

I need a little help as I feel like an alien and unwanted in my own home (I'm 20), as my dad seems to totally disregard me and cares more for my sister (17yrs old) praising her etc. Its just getting too much as I feel I have no family whatsoever, (always had poor relationship with grandparents due to other incidents, never see them) apart from my loving girlfriend who I owe all the happiness in my life too, she is my family.

 

My mum died just over a year ago due to cancer which went on for 6 years, which meant my dad was looking after her almost 24/7 in the last couple of years with help from me and my sister. My mum managed to survive 6 years after only given 24 hours to live, having over 10 operations with 3 all clears just to be told the bad news again. She was the strongest willed person I've ever met. We were all devastated. At the start we all came together, finding distractions but not forgetting.

 

However now it seems like the opposite. I have yet to witness any raw emotion showed by my sister or her even speaking about it, I've seen outbursts from my dad and we've spoken about it occasionally but not often at all. I was the closest to my mum by far, so it felt heartbreaking when we attempted on the three of us going to the cinema etc. as they would just walk ahead in front and leave me behind. It has been like that for the past year now I feel totally alienated.

 

My dads negative attitude towards me is really having a toll on me. He pays no interest in the fact I have managed to go to university in London, he has no idea what subject I'm even doing, or ever even cared to ask how my day was (I've been going for 5 months). He moans and always criticizes everything I do including daily chores etc., praise or anything is extremely rare. Whilst with my sister I am yet to see him criticize anything, despite he says he does 'all the time' I always get the blame. 

 

He also goes on long business trips for 2-3 weeks to japan every other month now, which have become more frequent as apparently he is 'at his best' as it is his escape from everything that has happened. Whilst he is out there he speaks to my sister all the time but not me, we messaged once last time then he didn't reply.I said that I am going away with my girlfriend on holiday in the summer, to which he said is fine (no real reaction), and then goes on to say he will take my sister on holiday during that time and quote 'It will be better if your not there as It will seem less odd with 2 people missing'. Furthermore I glanced over his shoulder a couple of months ago by accident and saw his emails filled with a dating agency and the tinder dating app on his phone. He goes up and shuts the door in his room for a large portion of the day making 'Business calls' for where he is there for at least a few hours every evening. He doesn't know that I know what he's actually doing.

 

So I guess the question is what on earth am I to do? I am just counting down the days till I move into a flat with my girlfriend in October and just don't want to have the last memory of living at home being one of being pushed away by my dad. As I know when I move out that will pretty much concrete the problem, that's if it's even possible to resolve.

 

Thank you for taking the time to read this (if you did), I hope I can find some comfort! 

 

 

[mydeepestthoughts]

First of all, my condolences on the loss if your mother. Death is all around us, and yet, when it touches us personally, no one knows how each individual will respond. It seems that everyone in your family is dealing with it differently. I can sense your confusion, isolation, rejection, and sadness. Sometimes the tendency is to try to control things that are really out of our control. I am a bible student, and have found that the bible provided the direction, and comfort that I needed when I lost my mother in death. There you find promises of hope..such as the scripture in John 5:28,29 which reads: "Do not be amazed at this, for the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice ..and come out." So this promise from Jesus states that they we have the hope of seeing our loved ones again!!

But what about the everyday problems that we face..such as what you are dealing with? The bible also provides answers to those questions also. I encourage you to visit this web link... www.jw.org. There you will find answers to many of life's questions.