Loss of mother. Sudden & "accident"/person involved/substance abuse/mental health

[strengthoflove]

I wanted to make this topic because my situation of me losing my mom is mixed between sudden, violent, and I do not know if it was an accident or pre determined with some bad luck also.

I lost my mom when I was 16 about to turn 17. I am now 22. I lost my biological father when I was 5. I coped with that well. My mom was an alcoholic most of my life and my aunt had custody of me. I was like her child. my mom was 13 years sober when we were living with my stepdad. He provided us with a wonderful home and supported us and continues to be my best friend. My mom relapsed in 2008. She began drinking for some reason and I found out due to her alcoholism she began to have schizophrenic symptoms. I asked her about it one day and she told me yes she was hearing things and it would bother her. But she didnt want me to worry. She saw a shrink and received meds but she continued to drink and I could only imagine how difficult it must have been for her. My aunt was supposed to take her to the hospital to go into mental health while I was in school and my stepdad was at work. Instead, she drove my mom to the airport and bought her a plane ticket to poland (where we are from) and where my grandma and uncle live while she was drunk and mentally unstable. She kept my moms papers so she couldnt have re entered the u.s. anyways for awhile. My stepdad was furious wheb he found out. My mom called me when wshe was sober and out of the hospital in poland she told me she was sorry and that shed be back soo. And that she loved me. I told her it was okay and I loved her too and I understood. I gave her my email. I never received an e-mail after that. A week later I got a phone call that my mom had had an accidebt at my uncles where she was staying. She was on thebalcony, drunk and not mentally stable trying to get off the balcony to get ciggarettes and slipped and fell. She didnt break any bones barely any scratches. She had hit her head, it swelled very badly and she was brain dead and in life support for a week then taken off it.

I am left wondering if it was the alcohol, the schizophrenia, or just an accident. And I wonder if she hadnt been forced to fly to poland under a family members will while she was unstable abd intoxicated if shed still be alive today.

My stepdad. Grandma, many people and i miss her terribly. It wasnt fair at all.

[cindyjane]

I am so sorry for your loss and all that you've gone through in your young life.  So much in this life makes no sense and your story is one of them.  Hopefully rather than trying to figure it all out (you may never have the answers) you can keep looking at the good things in these sad events.  That phone call from your mom was a wonderful thing, she told you she was sorry and her intent was to come back soon.  She told you that she loved you.  Her heart was in a good place and she obviously loved you very much.  You also have a wonderful aunt and step father.  Those are the things to keep in your heart.  God bless you with peace and comfort.

 

Cindy Jane

[aakelly927]

I am so sorry for your loss strengthoflove.  I lost my mom when I was barely 15.  She had similar mental health issues, but on a smaller scale.  I also don't really know the intentions around her death.  She tried to kill herself a few times.  However, her actual death may have been an accident.  I'll never know.  I was angry for a long time, especially because my family had recognized after my moms death that my uncle had a problem with alcohol and did everything in their power to save him.  I felt jipped.  I love my uncle, but think often "Why couldn't they have cared this much about my mom?".  It has taken me a long time to get pas this.  I've accepted that I'll never know what actually happened happened to my mom, whether is was an accident or on purpose.  It's been 12 years ago almost to the date.  Things do get better.  Mental illness is a bitch.  I hope you have no guilt, because whatever happened is not your fault.  You may never know what happened to you mom, but know that she loved you and you will get through this.