i lost my mom two days ago

[dema]

its day three now , its 8 am , the room is dark , they couldnt leave me alone, so i hvae another people sleeping in my room, all sleep me awake, generla state : too much pain

 

my mom passed away 2 days ago in a blessed day such as friday, she was sick for 10 years and various was activaly torturing he fro contant 2 years, most of days she couldn't sleep , she couldn\t breath cause her body liuqds fil her lungs , she couldnt even eat and if she need to eat it has to be zero salt , no protein, no too much water, no too much sweets,we used to go to hospital every week , spent a day or two , sometime extend , and get back home, thank god the hospital is a block a way from our house.

 

i know it was too much pain, but she was the one who raised me, im the only girl in my family , she was the closeset female to me in my life, she had a good thinking to guide me , no matter her face turned yellow or dry or dark, she was the most beautifull woman i will ever see, my love for her cant be measured, so when i lose her my pain and sad cant be measured as well,

 

they keep telling me to gather myself and stay strong for your brothers, now you are their mom, they need to see you strong , keep pray for her , what she needs now is your pray that god take care of her, i keep pray and pray , it helps , but please let me be weak a littile bit , let me cry and weep on my angel mom, she didcated her life for us, she toke the blame and pain, the tears, the poor time, , our responsblities  , all these years, the one only have one mama , and its great pleasure to live with her and take care of her, even in her very sick moments, i kept saying seeing the pain is harder than feeling it, so she had so much pain and seeing her feeling it was like dying a thousand time.

 

 

i keep thank gid that we she was breathing her lasts, we were around her telling her that we love her, and we wont forget her, and we will take care of each other no matter what happened, all the family were around her. even it was crul that she got in coma before we say godbuy , but i remember in the last days she was whispring to me " i love you| and it was so damn cute cause her voice was very low.

 

 

mom , i believe that your leaving is mercy from god cause all the pain you were in, but its dam hard not to see your beautiful face again.

 

i pray to god to bless you, save you, give you strength, and write you from the good people, let you rest in peace, and give you heavens.

 

 

you are living in my heart forever. as i believe that god is up there without seeing him , i think of you the same.

 

 

 

 

 

[ModKonnie]

Dema,

I am so very sorry about the loss of your mother. It sounds as though you had a very good relationship with her. Do you have other family members or friends to talk to for support? How are you feeling today? Are you eating anything or getting any kind of proper rest? 

 

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

[Trish91]

Dear Dema, I'm truly sorry for your loss and perfectly understand what you are going through, for I lost my dearly beloved mom 13 months ago & I've been truly bereft ever since & specially after the initial shock wore off & I'd dealt with the most pressing aspects of her estate. I had family support but I was pretty much alone, as my brother was on the other side of the world with his family, and so was my husband, and I was, still am in absolute disbelief about my moms passing from lethal lung cancer which took her very quickly and having never smoked, not even passively!!! I miss her every single day for she truly was my biggest love & best friend!!! In your case it's only just happened so the impact must be huge & I'm really sorry for that. It's good that u have strong spiritual beliefs for I don't know how I'd coped without my own. I'm not religious but I'm spiritual & that has helped me immensely!!! In your case, I'd strongly suggest to kindly express your feelings as they manifest, through anger, fear, crying fits, frustration or in whichever manner, for one needs to do so in order to grieve, and that you talk to somebody you love and trust and to any counsellor or support group if you can and feel like it, but please don't repress ur feelings. Also, pray & cry whenever u can, that helps me immensely!!! Also, exercise when u can & feel like it. That has also helped me somewhat. Of course, the pain, sadness & anxiety around my moms death still remain. I'm no counsellor of any kind and I'm still very much grieving so I cannot really say that time has made it better for me, as it's made it more real & hence more painful!!! But please rest assured that u are not alone and that this forum has been a lifeline for me over the last year and a bit. I think the only ones who truly understand are those who are going through what we are going through, and there are also great books out there, like those by Elizabeth kubler Ross, motherless daughters and many others, including those by medical doctors and scientists about near death experiences and the afterlife. In any case, if you wish to message me, please feel free to do so at any time. Big virtual hug & warm regards, Trish