Feeling lost without my mom

[peeps511]

I'm 22 years old and my mom passed away a little over a month ago at 54. It was very Unexpected. My heart is sill broken. I was very close to my mom. She was my best friend. Losing her has been the hardest thing I've ever gone through in my entire life. I've found that I have attached myself to my fiancé. I never want to be without him. He's been my comfort and my everything since she died but he doesn't understand the pain and grief I'm experiencing. He doesn't understand why I just break down and cry over little things or why I still haven't gone through her things. I just don't want to face that reality. I can't.

[cindyjane]

I am so sorry about the loss of your mom and best friend.  The loss of a parent is always the hardest thing to go through but at your young age I can't even imagine how you must be feeling.  I am glad that you have someone that you are close to and if he hasn't lost a parent, he won't understand what you are going through.  We can't really expect people to understand it unless they've gone through it.  Go easy on him and don't expect any more than him just wanting to be there for you.  

 

I hope that you can take your time in going through your mom's things because that is a pretty hard thing to do.  Brings back so many memories and although they are good memories it is tough to do.  My heart really goes out to you.  Hang in there and take it one day at a time and know that your dear mom and best friend would want you to be ok.

 

hugs

Cindy Jane

 

[peeps511]

Thank you so much Cindy. Unfortunately some things happened and I have two weeks to pack up all of my mothers belongings and bring them back to my place. Things just haven't been the greatest but I've been trying to stay positive and do what I can to make the best of the situation.

[ksmith]

Hi. First, I am very sorry for your loss. My mom died last year. January 8,2014. She was 63. She had lived with me and my children for 10 years prior. I still feel incredibly lost without her. I spent the past year living in denial because I thought that that was how I needed to be strong for my kids. As a result, all the grief I had bottled up are starting to come out. I am 39 years old and I have no control over when, where or how hard I cry. Please don't bottle it up the way I did. There is no rush in going through her items either. I still have boxes that I cannot bear to open. It may sound silly but whenever I do give something of hers away I feel like I'm giving away a piece of her. I still have her cell phone and her number programmed in mine. Silly things like that. So please, cry, scream, punch pillows. Express your feelings (in a healthy way!) and surround yourself with positive, supportive people. Best of luck!

[peeps511]

Thank you so much for sharing. Unfortunately I'll be packing up her belongings this weekend and like you said I just don't want to give anything away or throw things out. I still have her cell phone and her number programmed in my phone too. I just have been struggling with her death and the life I'll have without her. It's all too much and so very heartbreaking.

[doublerainbow]

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I lost my dear mother on June 27, 2014 at the age of 63 to a very aggressive form of cancer.  It has been such a short time since your mom passed away, so it makes sense that your heart is broken.  It has been 6.5 months since my mom's death and I am still completely heartbroken.  The really heavy grief comes and goes and has generally become lighter.  But I've had to keep myself very busy with school to not get totally consumed by the overwhelming sense of despair.  My boyfriend was very much there for me over the year that she was sick, and also since her passing.  But as he still has both of his parents, he hasn't been able to truly understand my experience, but that is of no fault of his own.  I think all you can expect from your fiancee is that he continues to be there for you to lean on.  In the moments where I felt like my boyfriend wasn't understanding, I would tell him that I just needed him to be there for me and to listen.  Continue to reach out to others like you have by posting on here; it could also be helpful to talk to a grief counsellor, or, to join an in-person support group.  You need to connect with people who can understand so you don't feel like you are going through this alone.  

 

​It's totally normal to not want to go through your mom's things and to want to hold onto everything.  I still haven't been able to bring myself to go through my mom's belongings, but I plan to do it over the summer when I am not so busy with school.  In the meantime, I've put some of her items away so I can look at them and hold them when I need/want to, but keep them out of sight so I can get through my days without constantly feeling upset.  During the first few months after her passing, I clutched onto her night coat that she wore every evening for years while I went to sleep.  It gave me comfort and helped soothe the heavy and unsettling pain that I especially felt at nighttime.  Now, for the most part, I don't need to do that anymore.  But it is still right next to my bed where I can see it, and I still pick it up to smell it and hold it from time to time. I know that it is there whenever I need it, or, if I just want to feel close to her.  I also play songs she used to play on the piano for that sense of connection.

 

Know that your mother is always with you, especially in the moments when you feel like she isn't there.  I know it is so painful and disappointing.  Just know that you are not alone and that there are people that you can reach out to.  Continue to reach out… Sending you the biggest hug ever!

[JeanMihalick]

I'm so sorry! I lost my mom in September and it still hurts to say that. I pretty much just packed up all her things in a hurry, not even looking at most of them. All her clothes I donated to a local nursing home as I really had no use for them. My brother and I don't really speak, thanks to his wife. Not that we are on the outs or anything, he just wanted nothing to do with his family. I have boxes of her stuff in my spare bedroom. Someday I'll go through them but right now I just can't. The pain is unbearable most days, I talk to her constantly in my head and when I'm alone in the car. Still say I love you mom when I go past the house she lived in.

People say I've changed, I'm more reserved and quiet. I hope to some day get back to my old bubbly self but right now that's not going to happen. My dad died when I was 5, my step dad in 2011. Don't remember my dad and my step dad passing hurt alot but nothing could prepare me for the all encompassing pain of loosing my mom.

[carolann12345]

JeanMihalick I know exactly how you feel. I lost my Mom in June 2013 after caring for her at home before she went into hospital three weeks before she died because she had pnuemonia I felt I had failed her not being able to care for her any more.  During her last few days she was not conscious most of the time but on the Thursday she woke briefly to whisper twice she loved me and then never regained consciousness and died on the Saturday. Thankfully I was with her when she passed but there is not a day passes I don't cry for her. Every day I speak to her and my Dad who passed when I was seventeen and I am now 58.. His last words to me were please look after your Mom and he died two days later but sadly I was not with him. It takes time to accept your parents and Stepdad passing you never really get over it but you learn to live with as we have no choice. There is nothing wrong in talking to your Mom she will always be with you and I believe we will all meet up again in the afterlife. Our loved ones are always watching over us please take some comfort in that. Please know that you were loved and still are by your Mom and try to remember the good times you had with your family but don't beat yourself up about grieving.Thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs and love.  It may not help but I sometime play Faith Hill's song There You'll Be and oddly enough on the of Mom's  first anniversary that was the first song I heard playing in a theatre over the sound system before the film my partner and I were about to see and it was the first song I heard on a shopping mall sound system when my partner and I we due to catch a bus to Inverness for a few days holiday and the last time we had gone there it was the last time my Mom had looked after our cats so we could go away.  To me that was proof she is around me all the time.  Keep safe and take care.

[gonelemon]

Sweetheart, write like two lines to your mum every day or any time you feel like it. It will make you feel closer to her. Keep it in a book, burn it ina (safe) way, but timeand communication will help. They will.