Anxiety due to multiple losses

[StacieRC]

I've never had an issue with anxiety until I lost my mom on Sept 8th 2014, and then my step-dad committed suicide after my mom's death on Nov 21 2014 ( he had been in my life since I was young). I lost my only sibling- when my little sister died in 2011, at age 34. I feel like I can't get a handle on my grief and the panic - which seems to hit me out of no where.  My sister left behind my niece, who is now 7 years old. My mom and step-dad were raising her until my mom's cancer made her too sick. My mom died two weeks after diagnosis- she went very quickly.

 

 My niece came to live with us (we have 6 children ages 25, 22, 21, 20, 18 and 5 years old). My three oldest are boys, and they are all in the military (which doesn't help with anxiety).  My niece has had to deal with these losses as well and I need to be able to not only help her function but I need to find my joy again, and I don't know how. We are in counseling and I am going to start doing GriefShare meetings. The last GriefShare meeting I went to - when I got home is when I found out my step-dad had killed himself. 

 

I don't like to take medications- I don't even have a doctor. Everything I do is natural / organic / homeopathic but I'm beginning to wonder if I should get on something temporarily, to help me get over these panic attacks / slump I'm in. I am a Christian and do pray and listen to Christian music- so I'm also clinging to my faith. Not sure if meds will work or what I'm doing wrong ..... I just know I can't keep going on with no sleep and feeling like I'm in 'Flight / Fight' mode all the time. 

 

Anyway, just kinda venting / looking for some support. 

 

 

[Janka]

:ohmy:

Dear StacieRC!

 

I´m also a new member on here because of the loss of my beloved man 3 years ago.I also know an immense anxiety since he suddenly died and my whole world has knocked down.It was 11/11/11 at 1 o´clock by night.Those seven digits explain it all.I experienced a lot of bereavement in my life since I was 19 y.o.,the loss of my father from a cancer including in as well as your mom,but when I lost my beloved man Jan,I lost "my everything",so it´s the worst wound I´ve ever felt in my whole life.It still hurts and always will until I meet my beloved Jan again.You can read my story I posted on the board of The loss of a partner yesterday.I´m a Christian too and believe me the God is my biggest help.The last Christmas I met a very kind priest has been helping me as much as possible and I find to be very helpful a great support and comfort of my best friends too.I´ve also never taken any medications as I don´t think it could be better this way.I´d like to be your support if you need to and you can write me whenever you want to talk to.

 

Janka

[WH1033]

Hi, First I want to thank you for letting me talk and be real about how my multiple losses have devastated and continue to cripple me.

I first buried my son 11 yrs. ago when he was only 18. Then my dad, who was “my rock” died 5 months later. I was already completely devastated and just couldn’t figure out how to go on. Then in the falling years until present my mom, husband and brother died. I am completely frazzled and ALONE.  I experienced that the enormity of my grief makes other people uncomfortable. That is just plain NOT FAIR, that me, the person who is grieving, has to be concerned about how what I say and do is affecting others, in my intense grief. Not only is this an oxymoron but this social reality intensifies my already unbearable grief 10 fold.

I’m hesitant to share my journey because when I do people become so uncomfortable and I don’t hear from them again but I am desperate to find people who “get me” not people that I have to constantly social fake around. Please don’t push me away. It’s not contagious but it is lonely. Can we talk?