Mom left us at Christmas time

[luchi]

Our mom we call "Nanay" left us on Dec 17, 2014.  It is the most painful feeling I have ever felt and I never knew there is such thing as sorrowful christmas until Nanay left us.  I haven't seen her for 12 years (she lived in the Philippines) and last November I found a chance at the last minute to visit her.  That was the only time I physically bonded with her after 12 years although I call her almost everyday.  She sacrificed a lot for the family, raised 6 children by herself when dad passed away almost 25 yrs ago.   Our mom was the nicest, most patient, and hard working person I've ever known.   When I visited her last November, I had the electricity of the house I built for installed the night before I went back to the U.S. so that she can move in on Dec 18.  She was so excited about decorating the house with christmas stuff.   The day before she was supposed to move in, she went to tend her agricultural land in the mountain and she suddenly went to the neighbor and asked them to contact my brother to pick her up.   She died right after that.  It is so hard to accept that our Nanay, a vibrant 65 yr old woman who rode a motorcycle hours before dying suddenly died of heart attack.  It just doesn't make sense at all.  She never had a history of major illness.  The only thing she complained was the arthritis pain after a hardday work in the mountain.   I even had to hold her hand to keep up with her steps last November when we went walking together.  She had the energy of a 30-yr old woman.  Then suddenly she was gone without any chance for us to fight to keep her alive.

The whole family is grieving.  She was the core of the family, everyone from children to grandchildren revolved around her. 

I don't know how to cope with this pain.   I felt like I am dying inside.  There is not a day that I don't cry.  I crave to hear her voice again over the phone.  She was my strength all this time of being away from her, and now my strength is gone.   I miss her so much and at times I keep asking God why my mother...

 

[cindyjane]

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear mom.  She sounds like an amazing woman! She raised 6 children on her own.  I love the qualities she had in being so nice, patient and hard working.  There is much to be said about her and the people of her generation.  Such loving, caring and kindness as well as being hard workers.  

 

In reading your post here I see so many blessings.  Your mom was healthy and vibrant until the day that she passed on.  She was working on her land on the mountain and even rode a motorcycle.  Although losing your mom was so sudden, it is a blessing that she wasn't in a hospital for months suffering.  The good Lord took her "home" quickly.  It is also a blessing that you recently visited her and did something so kind for her in having electricity installed.  It is a blessing that you were able to really bond with her.  What a gift that was!  

 

I agree that the loss of a parent is hard to accept ... it was the hardest thing that I've ever gone through but in looking at the blessings (and they are there if we look), it helps with the sadness we go through.  For me, I will always feel some sadness when I think about my parents who passed because I will always miss them ... but when I stop and look at the blessings, the heaviness of my heart lifts and I feel a big sense of gratefulness.  Not grateful that they left us, but grateful for the good and wonderful lives they lived.

 

Take care and thanks for sharing about your amazing mom.

Cindy Jane

[BaileyB]

There is much wisdom in what Cindy Jane has posted. The loss of a mother, brings a grief and an emptiness that can not be described. It does not go away, but it does get a little better when we are able to celebrate their lives and the love shared... There are always blessings. Some are not so lucky to have a mother and have such a loving relationship with their mother as you have shared all these years. I know, it's no consolation for the sadness you feel with her loss. But in time, you will come to remember her and the relationship you shared with love and gratitude, not just pain.

Take care.

[luchi]

Bailey B and Cindy Jane,

 

Thank you for your kind words.  I wish every kind words said to our family can ease the pain.  In due time, I will see the blessings from it all.  Right now, I cannot make sense of why my mom.   She had so many plans.  She loved Christmas and I was going to send her shopping for her to buy presents for her grandkids.  She was going to attend grandkids' graduations in March.  She was very excited about our family reunion in May 2015 and was very happy that her grandkids are old enough to work around the kitchen and cook their favorite dishes for the family, which made mom so proud of them.  

Back home, the viewing of the body is in the house.  It is so painful to see my mom's dead body moved in on the day that she was supposed to move in happily alive.  She got to stay in the house lifeless for 5 days before she was laid to rest.  For so many years I worked so hard to be able to give mom a house where she can comfortably live and let her big family gather occasionally.  Every dream we have for her crumbled into pieces.  She never asked for luxury, all she wanted was a simple life; be able to meet the daily needs, talk to people everywhere she goes and tend to her land.   But she deserved everything that we can give for her.  She did not ask for too much from this world yet she was taken.  

When I flew back to the U.S. last November, I prayed hard to God to keep my mom safe and healthy at all times.   God can take me away, but please not my mom.  She was the source of everyone's strength in the family.  She didn't tell us what to do, but her presence, which reminded us of her survival, helped us all stood strong amidst every challenges in life.  Now, the whole family is feeling orphaned.  We momentarily lost our direction of what the future is going to be because every plan we had, mom was the foundation. 

[BaileyB]

I know the feeling, the feeling of emptiness and the thought that you've lost your sense of direction. It's not fair and sadly, there is no good reason. You will feel sad, angry, and everything else... Before you come to some peace with her passing. I wish you all the best on your journey. God bless you and your mom.