I cant breath

[Jessica867]

The 3 month mark is coming of my mom's passing (October 14th). I feel almost all the time like someone is sitting on my chest and I can  never catch my breath.

 

I feel like I have to live two different lives. One during the day when I have to keep it together for my 3 young children, who are grieving their Oma (Grandmom in German) not being here anymore. I feel like I need to stay strong for them. My husband is a great support system too. He lost his dad when he was 12 so sometimes I feel like I am burdening him with a traumatic loss AGAIN.

 

At night when everyone is sleeping, I am awake. Thinking things over and over and over again. Am I doing everything right? Did I forget anything? Is she disappointed in me? Was she upset I wasn't there when she passed?

 

My mom was 48 years old when she passed. Dealing with her Ovarian cancer diagnosis 10 years ago was hard in itself, however I just can't believe this happened. So many times when I wake up I am still in shock and just in a fog almost. Going through the motions because I have to, for my family. But inside I feel like a part of me died.

 

I am 26 years old and my baby sister who is 20 now lives alone in the house.I live in Japan where we are stationed with the USMC. I worry about her so much. She is an introvert and not the best at expressing her emotions. We Skype daily and the last couple video chats she did not look well..

 

Been getting some bad stomach pains the past couple of weeks and I have been putting off going to the doctor. So many things running through my mind. Am I really sick like my mom? Is it nothing? Has the stress really gotten the best of me?

 

Attached is a photo of my sweet Momma..

 

Thanks for listening..

[mydeepestthoughts]

I am so sorry to hear about the traumatic events that have occurred in your life..i also lost my best friend, my mother to cancer. In this world that is filled with so much strife, and anxiety, circumstances of life can change suddenly. Today we can have good health, and tomorrow sickness, and death, a lost of a job, or a divorce. And most likely if you are on this site, you have been touched by one, or more of these troubles. What can help us have stability in a world that is so unstable? Some say God, others say fate, and futility rule the day.. and that's just the way it is...but is it? There are answers, but you must have the desire to know. Please example these points, May you find real peace and happiness

1) A relationship with God

Why needed? Doesn't it make sense to have a relationship with the originator of life..wouldn't he know fully what would benefit us since he knows our emotional, mental, and physical makeup?

2) Spirituality

Why needed? Jesus gave the best reason why we should pursue this..at Matt 5:3 he said "happy are those conscious of their spiritual needs, since the kingdom of the heavens belong to such like ones."

3) A future hope

Why needed? That is what separates us from the animal kingdom..without hope we would find ourselves in a maze of despair. The key is finding the true source of hope. Many turn to money, sex, and a independent, pleasure seeking attitude, only to find that those things bring a temporary satisfaction. So where can we find true hope? Thru political, and social change ? They have proven to be disappointments!

The answer is found at Rev 21: 3,4 "And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will morrning nor outcry nor pain be anymore.The former things have passed away."

This scripture speaks about a government..but who's government is it, and how does it bring about these things..and is this really possible?

Please examine the following link, the bible based answer to many questions are provided..such as "why does good permit suffering? "What happens when we die"

May it bring you joy, and peace of mind.

http://www.jw.org/en/publications/books/good-news-from-god/what-is-gods-kingdom/#?insight[search_id]=f2bda0bb-463f-4b2a-bf88-8ef252292e35&insight[search_result_index]=0