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My son passed away 11/06/14 @ age 19. Any suggestions BC lord knows I need some.


StephSloan

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On 11/06/14 less than a mile from home. My son died in a single car accident. He never made it away from the wreak site before he was pounced dead. Joey was not just my first born son. He was also my best friend.

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Steph Sloan

So sorry for the death of your 19 year old son so, close to your home.

On 6-19-2008, my 16 year old son, Brian died car-surfing. He was on the hood of the car. The crash site is 1/4 mile from our home.

The driver is now a convicted felon for homocide.

Please be kind to yourself. Your mind, body and soul are going through tremendous trauma. You have a new life now. A life without your son. A life none of us wants, but are thrust into kicking a screaming.

It takes a long time to get used to this new life. Please post on loss of an adult thread. Many others have walked this path before you. Please be kind to yourself.

Colleen, Brians Mom forever

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I totally understand your feelings. I lost my son 2 years ago. He would be 18 today. I miss him so much !! He was my best friend as well . Holidays are just so hard....

Patti

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I lost my 19 year old son a little more than 2 years ago. It's till so hard... I have gone to my doctor, psychologists, psychiatrists, support groups - you name it, I've done it. After 6 months, my primary care Dr. had said that clinically, grief should be over within 6 months and that I need anti-depressants because I was "stuck". All I can say is that there is no norm and there most certainly shouldn't be any "clinical" definition of grief - especially from losing a child.

 

I think that the most important thing is to keep putting one foot in front of the other and moving in the direction that only you can know is right. It doesn't matter how much progress you make - some days go forward, some go back - as long as you are moving... even if it seems infinitesimally small. There is no timeline to your progress in grief - it is so incalculably individual. 

 

I still struggle day to day and the pain for me is still often times extreme. But, the most help for me has been local support groups for parents that have also lost children. For me, these are the people with whom I can most unfortunately relate to. I listen to the stories of everybody in the group and it gives me hope that there is another side to this.

 

I know that it isn't something that I can get over -  or that I can move on from - or that I can put behind me.... It's just part of who I am now. I am forever changed because of it and I now move forward WITH this - I don't put it behind me. I have come to understand that the pain that I feel is the reflection of the love for my son - If I didn't love, then I wouldn't feel... So, in that respect alone - I welcome the pain. I hope that there never comes a day where I can't feel it any longer. I am just trying to now live with that pain - and most admittedly, it's not easy and I have made many wrong turns along the way.

 

It seems that there comes a time when people grow tired of hearing and seeing my pain - that's when groups like this seem to be most important. Other parents that know the same thing are the only ones that I find really "get it".

 

Above all - keep a dialogue going - with forums like this, friends, support groups - whatever... Don't surround yourself with yourself... there are so many that are in it also - as well as so many that can benefit from the wisdom that you have also gained in your journey. 

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mydeepestthoughts

With the deepest sympathy I write this note to all who have responded to this post. To be a parent and go through such tragedies are unspeakable, A doctor wrote “The death of a child is usually more tragic and traumatic than the death of an older person because a child is the last person in the family expected to die. The death of any child represents the loss of future dreams, relationships [son, daughter-in-law, grandchildren], experiences, that have not yet been enjoyed".Yes death is our greatest enemy..but is that all there is to life? To see our loved ones die tragically, or to grow old and die? The bible provides a answer to that important question... The Bible writer Paul offered hope of relief from that “last enemy,” death. He wrote: “Death is to be brought to nothing.” “The last enemy to be abolished is death.” (1 Corinthians 15:26).

Jesus also promised that the dead would be resurrected, John 5: 28,29 reads... "Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out". What a beautiful promise..the hope of seeing our children again!! But we may ask ourselves can this really happen? To receive the answer to this, and other questions that you may have I invite you to visit the www.jw.org link below. I pray that the God of all comfort grant you true peace, and relief from your heartbreak.

http://www.jw.org/en/publications/books/know-the-truth/1102008390/#?insight[search_id]=bb0413b8-6a73-41b2-bbcd-1520fa7e784a&insight[search_result_index]=0

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Stephanie, I am sorry for the loss of your son, especially so close to home...

 

I totally agree with what Mike posted on this journey of grief....and I too, have found over time, people do not want to hear as much...so these types of groups of parents who have lost a child do offer an outlet...

 

...I lost my son Jesse October of 2012...it is my second child loss...we are still in court as the girl who ran him over on his motorcycle, at the start of the trial, ran away and hid...

 

There are many parents that post regularly on the Loss of an Adult Child thread...even if you just want to read, you may find something helpful to you...

 

http://forums.grieving.com/index.php/topic/41-loss-of-an-adult-child/

 

 

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I too am in new grief. I lost my only child, my 42 year old son, 11/3/14. I've already gone through Thanksgiving, his birthday, Christmas and New Years without him. I have little family and live alone. His teen children, my beautiful grandchildren, moved about 4 hours away with their mother and step-dad about a year ago. I have friends but most have already stopped coming over or calling so I often feel very alone. I read a lot about grief and see a grief counselor and both provide some relief momentarily. I cry and relieve his death and hurt so deep I can't describe it. I know I'm not being much help to you but know I understand and care.

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Mermaid Tears

Isj.....my son, John David, passed away in 2012....he was 42, also.....I am so sorry for your loss...and we do understand the pain....when we are placed on this grief journey we get no map or compass....it is like being in a foreign land....

and your grief journey will be as unique as your child was unique...and when I say 'child'...it does not matter if your child was 2 hours old....10.....16.....42....50....they are still your child.

    And we understand when you say that there is no way to describe the grief....this is the kind of grief you will only suffer with the loss of a child...

    I think sometimes our family and friends cannot relate because they are not mean...they are just ignorant...for really...until you walk in these shoes...there is not one or many words one can share for them to 'understand the deep mourning'....

    Please go to the site called 'Loss of Adult Child'....there are many active parents on that site...and many will reach out to you...many parents on that site are like you and have lost that 'only beloved child'.....

    it is good that you are going to a counselor....and I will tell you to 'self care'....for grief can cause many physical and mental issues.....we ask that you do whatever you feel will give you some comfort....except to do harm to yourself or others.

     I say that if you want to sit on the couch all day in your panties and cry....do it....if you want to howl at the moon...do it....wrap yourself in a soft warm blanket...and cry your heart out....tears are a good thing....they are a release of the grief.

     I stay on this site for I do not have a circle of friends around me that has lost a child....and I need the understanding of those who walk in my shoes.....they understand every phase and sob....

     I have 14 GRANDchildren....4 of which live nearby...and I have to admit....they are a balm to my shattered heart....I do hope you will have some visits with yours in the near future....young hands have so much healing.

     None of us have answers....but we do have hearts and hands that will reach out to you. Peace to you.

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hannahbugsdad

I am very sorry for your loss. All you can do take grief one day at a time. I lost my nine year old daughter in 2009. Sometimes someone will say just the right thing at the right moment but I believe that only happens when God is involved. Most the time words are not enough and occasionally someone may say something that is really ignorant. I have found that that working through my emotions is only way to grieve in a health way. You need to surround yourself with people who have the capacity to understand what your going through. Often family members will try to help but they really don't know what to do. Grief creates a bunch of crazy emotions. You will go through all the stages but it easier if you have a support group. You need to find a group that you can trust and meet with face to face. There is a good program call Grief Share that some churches offer. I have not found that spilling my guts on a website to be as helpful as a support group. What has worked for me is to glean a little from people. Peace. Hannahbugsdad

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