Members Shelisjenkins Posted November 24, 2014 Members Report Share Posted November 24, 2014 On November 13th my soul mate was killed in a car accident just 2 blocks from our home. I am 29 years old and this is the most devastating loss I've had to face. I do not know what to do... Anyone have suggestions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members The Veil Posted November 24, 2014 Members Report Share Posted November 24, 2014 Hi Shelisjenkins- I am so very sorry for your loss.I'm no expert and also a recent newbie to losing the love of my life to sudden death. There is no time limit on what you're feeling or when. This is like a manic wave in the ocean and I'm learning to ride it out. What choice do I have? It's not easy by any means - and things will never be the same. Right now it's about learning to adjust and adapt to your new life.How long that takes? I don't know. But everyone is different because of different coping skills, life experiences and sets of circumstances. Apart from this forum or any others you're a member of, I'm hoping you have a supportive group of family and friends you can lean on while going through this.Today I picked up a book called "I wasn't ready to say goodbye" by Pamela D. Blair. I'm half way through it and it's only validating what I already know and feel. But, it's a good book so far. Maybe you'd like to take a look at the reviews on Amazon or Barnes and Noble to get an idea and see if this would help comfort you during those quiet moments. Sending you a big virtual hug. I am truly sorry for your loss Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shelisjenkins Posted November 25, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted November 25, 2014 Thank you The Veil. I'm so completely lost on what to do with my life without him. We didn't have enough time together.. I know that he wouldnt want me to submerge myself in sorrow, but I miss him like crazy and I do not know what to do with myself anymore. We had our schedule and when it gets to a specific time, I look for a message from him, or for him to come home from work. Now it is just me... I'm not ready to be alone... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members The Veil Posted November 25, 2014 Members Report Share Posted November 25, 2014 Hi Shelisjenkins - I can relate to exactly how you feel and you're right, they wouldn't want us to be sad or get lost in it. It's hard not to do sometimes. The reality is we're human made up of a potpouri of complex emotions - sadness is one of them. It's the beauty of life and what makes us unique and human.When I met my Rob, I saved every email, every voice mail (over 6000 hours) - I saved everything (so did he). We truly cherished each other when we started our relationship. Do you have items like this? Sometimes it comforts me to play them just to hear his voice... He always left a lot of silly/funny messages that made me laugh, especially the voice messages where he is singing to me. We used to sing to each other and he used to sing me to sleep at night because I have always had trouble sleeping.. I find listening to these helps me sleep better. Sometimes a spritz of his cologne on my pillow, or wearing one of his favourite shirts to bed comforts me. This may or may not help you. I can only share what helps me in hopes it gives you some ideas to comfort you. Just know you're not alone in this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shattered14 Posted November 26, 2014 Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2014 Shelisjenkins, I'm very sorry for your loss. I too lost the love of my life suddenly and unexpectedly 4 months before our wedding day. Michael was my everything. He was everything I had ever wished for, hoped for and prayed for and so much more. And he loved me like I have never been loved before. I loved him the same with everything I had and I still do. I am completely in love with him. Death didn't change that. I am so very lost. It is 9 months today since that horrible day, and I feel just as overwhelmed and hopeless as I did then. I wasn't ready for any of this but then I don't think we ever are. We are just thrown into it and we find a way to keep going. I have no idea how I made it this far. It is all really a blur. I just keep getting up every day and doing what I have to do like go to work. No I'm not happy...I'm miserable but right now putting one foot in front of the other is the best I can do. I have no magical suggestions for you. It is a long hard sometimes crippling journey. I don't know where it leads but there really is no choice but to keep going. Try to think of the good times...of the love you shared...hold onto that with everything you have in you. Just like The Veil, I too have kept his cologne and sometimes I just sit there and sniff it. It probably sounds ridiculous but I need to. I wear his shirts. I stare at his pictures. I do try to talk to him sometimes but I usually wind up crying and screaming. I don't know if he can hear me or if I'm just crazy. I can tell you though that you are not alone. There are so many people going through similar agony. You will see so many on this site who truly understand. That alone has been of some help. Just to be able to vent to people who get it is sometimes just what you need. Try to take care of yourself and give yourself time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shelisjenkins Posted November 26, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2014 Shelisjenkins, I'm very sorry for your loss. I too lost the love of my life suddenly and unexpectedly 4 months before our wedding day. Michael was my everything. He was everything I had ever wished for, hoped for and prayed for and so much more. And he loved me like I have never been loved before. I loved him the same with everything I had and I still do. I am completely in love with him. Death didn't change that. I am so very lost. It is 9 months today since that horrible day, and I feel just as overwhelmed and hopeless as I did then. I wasn't ready for any of this but then I don't think we ever are. We are just thrown into it and we find a way to keep going. I have no idea how I made it this far. It is all really a blur. I just keep getting up every day and doing what I have to do like go to work. No I'm not happy...I'm miserable but right now putting one foot in front of the other is the best I can do. I have no magical suggestions for you. It is a long hard sometimes crippling journey. I don't know where it leads but there really is no choice but to keep going. Try to think of the good times...of the love you shared...hold onto that with everything you have in you. Just like The Veil, I too have kept his cologne and sometimes I just sit there and sniff it. It probably sounds ridiculous but I need to. I wear his shirts. I stare at his pictures. I do try to talk to him sometimes but I usually wind up crying and screaming. I don't know if he can hear me or if I'm just crazy. I can tell you though that you are not alone. There are so many people going through similar agony. You will see so many on this site who truly understand. That alone has been of some help. Just to be able to vent to people who get it is sometimes just what you need. Try to take care of yourself and give yourself time. Shattered14, I am sorry for your loss as well. My love sounds alot like your Michael, I am so completely lost with out him.. Thanksgiving day will be 2 weeks since he left us and I dont even want to wake up tomorrow. Like you, I put his deodorent on what ever shirt or jacket(of his) that I may be wearing that day so that I can smell him. Sometimes it hurts more because I just want to be able to hug him and get that smell from him. My love had this certain believe system about the sun and the moon. So at night I will go talk to the moon and ask her to protect him, and to tell him that I love him and that I am so very lost with out him. I cant keep any kind of composure while doing it though. It doesnt sound crazy that you wear his shirts.. I wear his shirts, his hoodies, even his boxer briefs when I can manage. I just want to live in his stuff.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shelisjenkins Posted November 26, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2014 Hi Shelisjenkins - I can relate to exactly how you feel and you're right, they wouldn't want us to be sad or get lost in it. It's hard not to do sometimes. The reality is we're human made up of a potpouri of complex emotions - sadness is one of them. It's the beauty of life and what makes us unique and human.When I met my Rob, I saved every email, every voice mail (over 6000 hours) - I saved everything (so did he). We truly cherished each other when we started our relationship. Do you have items like this? Sometimes it comforts me to play them just to hear his voice... He always left a lot of silly/funny messages that made me laugh, especially the voice messages where he is singing to me. We used to sing to each other and he used to sing me to sleep at night because I have always had trouble sleeping.. I find listening to these helps me sleep better. Sometimes a spritz of his cologne on my pillow, or wearing one of his favourite shirts to bed comforts me. This may or may not help you. I can only share what helps me in hopes it gives you some ideas to comfort you. Just know you're not alone in this. The Veil, When my love and I were getting started I tried to save every text message. When we upgraded phones I had used some program to try to save all of them, he didnt work. I lost close to 10,000 messages. I was (and now am even more) completely heartbroken. I loved being able to go back and read all of those.. And they are just gone. The beginning to our story is just.. gone. I have the last few months of facebook messages, and texts, 2 voicemails (I always answered, or tried to, although now I wish I had recorded some of our conversations..) I went through my drop box and saved every image I had in there that was of him or us together. I have a few videos of him dancing in his underwear in the kitchen that I watch from time to time when I need to be reminded of his goofyness. But mostly right now, it kind of hurts to look at all of it. Because he is gone.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members The Veil Posted November 26, 2014 Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2014 Shelis- Did you delete them and do you still have the phone where all of your texts and SMS are? You may still be able to back them up. I'd be more than happy to help you if you want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shelisjenkins Posted November 26, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2014 Shelis- Did you delete them and do you still have the phone where all of your texts and SMS are? You may still be able to back them up. I'd be more than happy to help you if you want. Ill have to check the old phone. I think SOME of them may be on there.. maybe.. Ill check at some point tonight. I didnt think of that. Thank you! I am a little worried though that when i put my sim card into my old phone, that I will lose all the more recent ones... :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members The Veil Posted November 27, 2014 Members Report Share Posted November 27, 2014 I use SMS Backup+. It's a great tool and hasn't let me down yet. I have mine back up to my gmail account. You may want to look into that and back up your existing files so if something ever did happen to your phone - you didn't lose anything precious to you.Don't swap out your sim card. If it was deleted from the sim, there are tools we can try and recover it from depending on whether the phone programmed it to be a 'free slot' and not marking the slot 'uneeded.' This is not an new sim but and old one placed into a new phone. So, it may still be on there. But before any of that, you need to back up what you have. There is a tool that might be able to recover it for you. All we have to do is switch it to 'in use' and hopefully we can find the file marked with your missing texts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shelisjenkins Posted November 27, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted November 27, 2014 I'll have to see if I have the old sim or not... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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