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Lost my Brother, Suicide...My Mother passed recently. I have not dealt with my brothers death yet!:


EmilyandZoey

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Finding myself lost. I've lost my Mom recently, my Brother killed himself in 2002 and I'm having trouble being "alone" in this world. I'm a single Mom and I find strength to move forward being the best parent I can be. Praying I can find a sense of peace and safety again. My faith is being tested.

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EmilyandZoey,

I am so very sorry about your losses and the strain you are under from all the emotional pain. Have you considered joining some type of group or organization that could help you, such as a spiritual group or a self help group? Talking is the very best way to deal with loss, and the more you talk, the better you may feel.

 

You've made a great start in coming here to talk to us. We can be here for you.

 

Do you have close friends? What about coworkers? Are you taking care of yourself? That's so very important. It's hard to heal emotionally when we put strain on our physical self.

 

ModKonnie

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My younger brother took his life on his birthday in 2011. I think the hardest part about this loss is that it was the first person that I knew full circle, from life to death. The part about losing a sibling is that you lose the one who validated your memories as a child. We were on the same team when it came to confronting our parents about snacks, toys, etc, I fought with him over the front seat, he cried when I was 11 and packed up my bag because I was "running away"...he was 15 when he developed schizophrenia. 

 

Emily and Zoe, what are your thoughts on suicide? You say you have not "dealt" with your brother's death yet... Please don't ever feel like there is a certain time frame within you are supposed to "deal" with loss....like that was supposed to be over with by the time you got to losing your mother. There isn't some check point that you reach and look back and say, "well that part is over and done with...". Grief is an ongoing process, and it only changes over time. Above anything else, be kind to yourself. This is about your healing and that happens in your own time. 

 

These are some questions I asked myself following my brother's suicide:

 

What do you believe happens to those who take their life before their time? Do you believe they find a heaven or is their spirit lost forever? 

 

You say your faith is being tested. I believe everyone has the right to choose their own spiritual path. I'll tell my story:

 

I was raised Christian. I found peace in the Native American Sweat Lodge. Christianity told me my brother's soul was lost forever, condemned to purgatory. For everything that has happened, his mental illness, I could not accept that he would be punished for his suffering. I could not accept that when I die, I will not be with him again. I cannot accept that he will not be with my mother and father again. 

 

The teachings in the Sweat Lodge told me that as long as I pray to our ancestors, they will help him find his way. Our ancestors will come and wrap him with a buffalo robe and carry him to the other side. 

 

What I learned, it may help you too. It told me this: I do not have the right to condemn my brother for his actions, no person or religion or law or faith or anything has that right, that's between him and the Creator because no one understands my brother's suffering like his Creator does. 

 

Losing your mother is going to bring up all those memories from when you lost your brother. You are not alone, your mother is with you. Believe it! Take this opportunity to teach your child/children that death is a natural part of life. I pray you find peace.

 

 

 

 

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