How to help my spouse understand

[bahenke]

My dad passed away very suddenly in May from a pulmonary embolism and I was incredibly close to him. I have been through some counseling but in the end I felt like I was just repeating and placating the therapist so I stopped going. At home I have my husband and 5 year old stepdaughter plus working full time so as a normal person I'm busy and I tend to just go, go, go until I drop. There are days where I get upset because not being is done at home unless I "nag" so I tend to just give up and do it myself. However, there are bad days and I get upset...however when I do get upset my husband's new retort is to say I have become such a "witch" since my dad died. I can't get him to listen to anything I say and he continues to repeat that I'm just such a "witch" now. I don't know what to do...I've suggested couples counseling but that doesn't go over well either. The closest person he's lost (to date) was his grandfather when he was a young boy. Does anyone have any advice for how to help my spouse understand a little better what it is like?

[cindyjane]

I am so sorry for the loss of your dad.  My mom passed in Oct. last year and my dad this Sept.  I lost both parents in less than a year:(  There is nothing in this life that I have gone through that has been more difficult than these losses.  I don't think that anyone can really understand what it is like to lose a parent unless they've gone through it themselves.

 

I remember over the years when a friend or relative lost a parent I would express my most sincere condolences but I really had no idea how devastating the loss really is until I lost mine.  A few days ago a co-worker's dad passed on and I gave my condolences it was different because I really truly do know what she is going through and what she will go through in the days, weeks and months to come.  

 

Keeping busy is good as long as you are balancing it out with rest.  Try not to go go go until you drop because that really does affect our sensitivity and leaves our feelings magnified whether we are feeling sad, lonely, edgy, miserable.  Also we are more sensitive to other people's reaction toward us.  I am not sure if this makes any sense.   

 

I was a person who didn't cry much around other people but with these losses, I tend to burst into tears out of the blue and I don't hold them back.  I believe those tears say more than any words I can express to say how I am feeling.  

 

I feel for you, but just know that you will get through this and it is true what people say .... your heart will feel heavy over your loss but time does heal because along with the sadness, the good memories will help to lift your spirits.  When you are having one of those bad days and get upset, try to think about all of the blessings in having your dad for a dad.  You will find many because you were so close to him.  Whenever I look at the blessings, I can't help but to feel grateful for having him for my dad.  Feeling grateful really does ease the pain.

 

Take care

Cindy Jane