Trying to move on..

[petuniamae]

I am new here. Don't really know where else to go. My mom just passed away a week ago from pulmonary fibrosis and I am a wreck. I need to get back into my life after being her caregiver for the past three months, but I don't know how. I was with her when she died and now I don't sleep. When I do, I have nightmares. She did not have a peaceful passing, but one of agony and much suffering. I don't know what else to say..

[cindyjane]

Hi petuniamae

 

I am so sorry for your loss.  It is hard enough to lose a parent, but unimaginably difficult when they have suffered.  Just know in your heart that your dear mom is at peace now and pain free.  I believe that one day we will be reunited with our loved ones.  You sound like a very caring person to have looked after your mom in those past 3 months.  That isn't an easy task and definately not for the faint of heart.  It takes a lot of physical and emotional stamina, courage and LOVE to do that.  

 

Take care and just know that your mom is at peace now.  

Hugs

Cindy Jane

[BaileyB]

Just wanted to express my sincere condolence for your loss. Today is three years since I lost my mom.

My thought after reading your post is that you are only at the beginning of this journey. Be kind to yourself. It will take a very long time for you to feel like you are able to get back to your life. If your sleep does not improve, please consider talking to someone. When you are ready, you may want to consider a counsellor or a grief support group. It does get easier with time, but it is a long journey with many waves of grief that come and go, come and go. All the best to you.

[petuniamae]

Thanks BailyB and cindyjane. I know I will see my mom again and for that I am grateful. It was deffinitly a hard three months but I also feel honored to have been able to do it. I don't drive, so getting to a support group wont work, but I am talking to my pastor. Thanks again..

[narnian]

Last year I was bragging about how fortunate I was that I was 59 years old and had never lost anyone close.  That all ended when my mother passed after a long fight with COPD on New Years Day.  I was very close to her.  I guess you could say I was a mama's boy. Since then I have had non-stop anxiety.  I cannot sleep and have very little appetite.  I have been trying to find someone to talk to but it is hard to make anyone understand where I am.  Anyway, on Sept. 14 my dad joined my mother and left after a not very long battle with cancer.  It didn't seem very long between diagnosis and death.  I didn't think it would be so bad with my dad but it was.  It just multiplied everything I had felt with my mom.  Now I am just sick.  I mean sick all the time.  Every waking moment i am just eaten up with anxiety and illness.  I am quite sure that they are both in a good place but that doesn't seem to matter.  Are there any magic ways to make it any easier? 

[petuniamae]

Narnian..Thanks for the reply..Your saddens me. I wish there was some way to make it all better. I loose people in my world on a regular basis but loosing a parent must be one of the hardest. I have lost my mom and two other friends in the past few weeks but the hardest so far is my moms and my two best friends, both from cancer. I think my anxiety started back when my first best friend died but gets worse every time someone else dies. Right now I am even doubting God..

[petuniamae]

I am Fourty seven by the way..