I miss my momma

[Velma's daughter]

It has been since March 22, 2014 since my momma died and I still can't think of her without the sting in my eyes and a bucket full of tears. I cant talk to anyone about how I feel. The person that used to listen to me rant, cry, or whatever I needed to get off my chest was my momma. When I try to talk to anyone else they are impatient, bored, or in so much pain themselves that they cant and wont talk about it. Her illness was so hard and I threw myself into caring for her. No one came before her. It was back in May 21, 2013 that we found out she what was wrong. I noticed her decline month before that. I begged her to go to the doctors and finally she relented in November 2012. We thought it was diabetes. We thought if we could just get that under control she would start getting better. Then in April 2013, she started getting pain in her knee. I took her to the doctors, then to the hospital, they did x-rays, abis. They found nothing. I talked her into staying at my house so I could take care of her. Then on May 20th she passed out. I called the squad. A mass was pressing on her heart. The next day May 21st our fears were confirmed. She had cancer in her lungs, brain, and bone. For the next 10 months I barely left her side. I slept in the same room with her. Took her to radiation and chemo. Held the bucket while she vomited, picked her up to put her on the pot, bathed her, but mostly watched her breath for 10 months I watched her breaths get weaker and weaker until they finally stopped forever. Even writing this I'm now crying so hard I wish my breaths would stop. I cant write anymore right now.

[mydeepestthoughts]

Dear

I am so sorry to hear about the death of your dear mother. I lost my mom, and she was my best friend. The grieving process is different for all of us, some grieve openly, others are inward with their sadness, still others have a delayed reaction. So grieve the way that is best for you. Death is the most unnatural event to occur in our lives, we all have the desire to live as long as possible, and share our lives with those we love. I was really close to my mother, and it was a Deep blow when she succumbed to pancreatic cancer. What helped me to deal with the sorrow, was the promise that Jesus gave us at John 5:28,29..it reads "Do not be amazed at this, for the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice...and come out"

Yes Jesus promised that we have the hope of seeing our dear loved ones again. Can this really happen?-With death comes many questions, "Why did my loved one have to die?" "Why does God allow death; and suffering?" "Where is my loved one?" Many are taught that they have gone to heaven.

Finding the answer to these questions provide peace of mind, and comfort. I urged you take a look at the attached link and find the answer to this, and many other questions that many have asked.

http://www.jw.org/en/publications/books/know-the-truth/1102008390/

Feel free to contact for a friend, or with any questions you may have.

[shehelp]

I know how you feel.  I lost my mom in September 2014.  She was my best friend.  I am an only child and now I live in this house all alone.  It is terrible.  I cry all the time.  I saw her take her last breath the day she died in the hospital, and it keeps reliving in my mind.  I say sometime "why am I hear, to be tortured?.  My mom had leukemia of the blood and it finally took her life.  I look at her belonging and they make me cry.  I do pray everyday, but so far it is not helping.  I do suggest you cry out to the Lord for strength, peace, and guidance.  That is all we can do at this point.  I hope things work out for you.  I too, am crying while writing this.  I miss my mom so much

[Velma's daughter]

I do cry and pray everyday. The other day I dreamt she came walking up to the door. I ran to let her in when I opened it she was gone. I keep replaying everything in my mind. Her illness, waking up and singing good morning beautiful to her. When she hugged me and told me I had to let her go. The last meal she held down. We fought so hard. She fought so hard for us. I tried to make everyday special. I have a sister that caused nithing but distraction and heartbreak the entire time. Never even bothered showing up to the funeral. My husband, tries but dont understand, he lost both his parents when he was 6 and dont even remember them. My children says it hurts too bad to think about and pushes it out of their minds but they cant resist saying I let her die every time they get mad at me. Even though they know she chose to stop fighting. I would have fought forever. My mom died at 7:20 am In her own bed. Everyone had fallen asleep by 4:30 am. Except me I held her hand and I prayed for god to take her. She was fighting for every breath. And I did I got down on my knees while holding her hand and prayed to God to end it. And I feel so Guilty.

[Everly]

I am really sad today.  My Mom died on 10/13 and I keep blaming myself.  Why wasn't I more pushy with the doctors in June?  Why didn't I take off work and push the doctors?  Why was work more important and I let my Mom go to those doctor visits alone?  They probably took advantage of her.  Why didn't t do more?

 

I keep blaming myself.. thinking if I had done more I could have saved her

 

The pain is so great today if it wasn't for my husband I'd kill myself I think...

[Everly]

I look at all the people in the store and death seems to so far away from them... but my Mom is dead... she is no more

 

It seems like it's a universe away for living people to die... like for them to die would take greatness of some kind... but my Mom is gone, poof... gone.

 

I just can't believe it... I have stupid friends who are asking me if I'm starting to feel better... my Mom died on 10/13!!!, it's 10/31!!, what is wrong with people!!

[missemyyrosee]

I lost my mom and I was also her primary caregiver. My life revolved around my mom. I skipped out on my friends, boyfriends, and school functions just to take care of my mom. My whole life revolved around my mom. She was my number 1 support and I was hers. I felt at times we only had eachother with her being single and younger. I ask myself why me? Why my mom? Its never fair I can't even describe the emptiness I feel at times. Its like what do I do now you know?

[Renomike]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Like you I lost a parent too cancer my father on the 25th of sept, I'm now going back through everything again 1 month later with mom.

Mom was the support system of the family, like you I was with my father when he died, knowing that I would have too go through everything again soon with mom.

Mom has stage 4 cancer, just like dad I hated the thought of my parents dying of cancer, Mom has been battling cancer for 9 months a few weeks ago she had a stroke and lost the ability too talk, and has been failing since.

I remember talking with mom before dad died, I said that her death would be the most difficult thing that I have experienced, but I knew that life was only temporary and that I could carry the cross.

Stay strong cry when you need too, it's part of the healing process, remember your not alone.

[Velma's daughter]

I do the same thing. It feels so unfair. My mom wasn't as old as some. She wasn't even old enough to get social security. We just started to get really close before she got sick. She was enjoying her life. She still got out to yard sale. And she seemed to have more energy with the grandkids than most. She would do silly things like rap with them and get up on slides and slide down. Why her? Watching her decline was so hard. She went from dancing with the grandkids to bedridden in the matter of months. But what I cant shake is that last week. I never told her that they said her organs were failing. I didn't see the point. When she woke up she acted like it was just another bad day they bled together for her at that point. I worry that I gave up on her too that week. I didn't think so at the time. But i always pushed her to eat and take her meds even when she begged not to. But I listened to that hospice nurse that last week and I stop pushing. They said if she refused to eat it was because the body had stopped digesting food. She threw up constantly what didn't come out that end came out the other. I just accepted that it was time. And i was so tired. I hoped she would bounce back like she had so many times. Everytime she was awake she would be so positive. But I didn't push it that last week. I just think of all the things I couldv'e done. Like force her to eat or have the kids beg her to eat like I had done before. Or putting the oxygen on her just to raise her O2, eventhough the nurses said it wasn't necessary. I do believe that it wouldv'e bern just drawn out by a few more days at most if I had done all that. I wonder if she feels like I did every thing I could for her. I wonder if she's proud of how I took care of her of how hard I tried. I think I hid the fact of how mentally hard it wa on me from her pretty good. I never wanted her to feel like she was a burden on me, she worried about being a burden. She wasn't though I would have felt a lot guiltier if I hadn't taken care of her. The doctor's only gave her 3 months she made it 10 months. But that time wasn't at a cost she suffered so, but she got to see two grandchildren born, she got to see another thanksgiving and Christmas. I hope it was worth it to her.

[Renomike]

I think your mom would be proud of how you handled everything with her, My mom passed away on Tuesday.

I had to make some hard decisions, the last two months or so mom didn't want too eat, so when so had the stroke and lost the ability too swallow the doctors started pushing a feeding tube, so they did the surgery and she rejected the feeding tube, I had too sit down with the doctor and finally tell them too remove it.

I know the pain and you ask yourself if you did everything too the best of your ability, The answer is yes, When the body is in shutdown mode all you can do is keep the person comfortable.