Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Just lossed my mother 10/24/2014 to suicide


Skoplove

Recommended Posts

  • Members

I'm so lost and hurt that she went and left me all alone. We haven't talked in 2 years due to her husband isolating me from her. She just left him in June and we were getting back together and rekindleing our relationship. A week later and the cops are knocking at my door. They tell me your mom just killed her self. She's dead. At first I thought she was playing a trick. But it hit me when I got to her home. And she was not there. I was hoping she would walk to the kitchen and ask me if I would want some tea. she made such good sweet tea and suger cookies. But she was not there. She was only 48 and I'm only 27 she was the only family I had. I feel so alone and lost. And to make things worse her husband who she had a restraint order on but never divorced is taking her ashes and won't give them to me. So I can Burry her like she wanted or get her things. I'm just so mad, I have no one else to turn to. If any thing does not make sense I'm sorry I can't stop crying

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I'm so very sorry!!!  Are you okay?  You just need to breathe and feel the pain, just breathe.  Just keep writing... we are here for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I think every night if any of this was my fault in any way. If I did some thing different maybe it would not of happend. I don't know who to blame, her, me or her stupid husband. My brother blamed me for what happened when they took her body away. Saying if I was there more oft n then this would of never happend. I don't know what to believe any more. I find my self going numb to the whe thing, trying to forget it ever happnd, trying to go back to the work but every time I see a family with a mother I start to cry. Wishing that she was more of a mother to me. I keep thinking "was there a sign at all that this is going to happen." I keep looking in my own mind and asking the same question, WHY? Why could she not tell me what she was feeling or thinking. I feel like I am sinking further and further. When I have kids what do I say to them when they ask bought there grandma? That she killed her self one day cause she could not take life no more? I'm frustrated and confused. I'm tired of asking the same question over and over. But I need to know why. Why me at 27 should I have no Mom.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Skoplove ... I am so sorry for your loss.  I've lost a couple of loved ones to suicide and this leaves so many questions for us who are left behind.  Yes, there is also the guilt we carry over it.  Could we have said something?  Could we have done something?  Was it because of this .... was it because of that.  Did I miss picking up on something during our last conversation.  The truth is, we may never know.  We can do a real number on ourselves over this but we must not do that.  Of course if we knew how depressed that person was we would do what we could to help them but reality is we don't always really know and blaming ourselves is not the route to go.  For me, I find comfort in knowing that whatever the reasons, they are at peace now.  I try to hold onto that thought whenever I think of them.  I hope this helps a bit.

 

take care

Cindy Jane

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

My 19yo brother committed suicide in 1976.  I was 14yo.  I firmly believe that when someone wants to end their life, there is nothing anyone can do to stop it.. it's their decision.. it was and is and always will be.  You cannot stop someone from ending their life... you are not God.

 

It's not your fault!!  Your mother was her own person, she had her own issues...her body was her's alone and her mind... there is nothing you could have done.  You did the best you could.. the rest was up to her.  I know she does not blame you... and your brother blames you because it hurts him so much, he needs to fine blame, he's looking for answers.

 

People who end their life do so at their own wishes... we cannot stop them.  

 

Do not blame yourself.  There are lots of suicide survivor groups to talk about loved one's who kill themselves.. you may want to try to see them out.  If you need help in finding them, email me at retz62@yahoo.com.  My name is Karyn.

 

Please don't blame yourself.  It's bad enough to grieve your Mom than to think you are God and could have saved her.  My thoughts and prayers are with you... be gentle on yourself and grieve your Mom and pray for strength.  

 

I care about you.

 

Karyn

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
mydeepestthoughts

Dear Skoplove,

The following information may help you desk with the turmoil you are note having..May you find peace.

Have You Lost a Loved One to Suicide?

When someone commits suicide, family members and close friends suffer severe mental turmoil. Many blame themselves for the tragedy. They say such things as: ‘If only I had spent a little more time with him that day,’ ‘If only I had held my tongue that time,’ ‘If only I had done a little more to help him.’ The implication is, ‘If only I had done this or that, my loved one would still be here.’ Is it fair, though, to assume the blame for the suicide of another?

Remember, it is only too easy to recognize signs of suicidal feelings after the fact. In the present, it is a different matter. The Bible says: “The heart alone knows its bitterness, and no outsider can share in its joy.” (Proverbs 14:10, Tanakh) Sometimes it is simply impossible to discern what another person is thinking or feeling. Many suicidal people just cannot adequately communicate their innermost feelings to others, even to close family members.

The book Giving Sorrow Words says this about the signs that a person may be suicidal: “The reality is that it’s usually not easy to discern such signs.” The same book adds that even if you had recognized some telltale signs, that in itself would not guarantee that you could have prevented the suicide. Rather than torment yourself, you may find comfort in the words of wise King Solomon: “The living are conscious that they will die; but as for the dead, they are conscious of nothing at all.” (Ecclesiastes 9:5) Your loved one is not being tormented in a fiery hell. And the mental and emotional anguish that led him to suicide have ended. He is not suffering; he is simply at rest.

It might be best now to focus on the welfare of the living, including yourself. Solomon continued: “All that your hand finds to do, do with your very power” while you are alive. (Ecclesiastes 9:10) Rest assured that the future life prospects of those who have committed suicide are in the hands of Jehovah, “the Father of tender mercies and the God of all comfort.”—2 Corinthians 1:3.

For more information on this sad topic, and how you can find joy in your life note..please examine our website. Jw.org

My deepest condolences.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.