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Going through my parents belongings is no easy task!


cindyjane

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It's been a month since my dad passed on, and a year since my mom's passing.  My parents lived in the other half of my duplex which was a great set up to help them with some of the things they needed help with.  With both parents gone I have started to sort through their things, donating some, giving things to my sister, brother and nieces, and throwing some things out.  Going through my parents belongings is no easy task as so many feelings are bubbling up.  Reminders of both of their life-times and to think they are no longer here is tough.  Gratefully I am under no pressure to get this all done but feel that the sooner, the better so I will continue to do what I can at a reasonable pace.  

 

I just needed to come here and share about the feelings around going through their things.  A part of me feels bad for going through their personal stuff....it just feels strange to do that.  Also in coming across some items (old photos, letters, etc.) I realise that they had a life that I wish I had taken more interest in, especially their younger years.  I am regretful that I didn't ask them more questions about their childhoods, friends, family, jobs, etc.  

 

Another feeling that I am going through as I clear their things out is a feeling of finality.  I know that I won't see my parents again until it is my turn to go but in going through this process my heart is heavy.  I guess this is where I lean on my faith and see all of the blessings of having them for parents.  In seeing those blessings it helps to lift the heaviness I am feeling.

 

Anyway, just had to get this out as I continue the task of clearing out their things.  Thanks for listening.

 

Cindy Jane

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Wow Cindy, this is very strong of you to be able to share. I thankfully have only lost the one parent, my mother; I cannot imagine how difficult the reality of losing the second parent must be... the whole specific-ness of your situation I will not pretend to fully understand.

 

Yet I certainly know how tough it can be to process one's parent's belongings. My mother personally collected lots of different papers, magazines, garments, scraps, crafts, hand-me-downs, momentos, etc. and it was quite difficult for me whenever I tried to sit down and process them. I found myself simply wanting to save most things, anxiety-driven that in parting with them I was parting with her.

 

My father thankfully was strong enough to process the bulk of her things. It was speedy- and by no means complete. I am unsure as to whether the speediness is a good or bad thing/ right or wrong. I think there's something in the fact we should select quite judiciously which items to preserve- why, when, and how. It should be done with the utmost care and from the heart. Yet I believe there will come a time, maybe when we approach acceptance, that the person we shall always love is no longer with us here on Earth... and their belongings are starkly devoid of them to some degree. These belongings do not contain the essence of that person, while they may invoke our beloved's spirit. I think as time goes on, we might need to part with all but the most select heirlooms as our journey in this world of impermanence progresses.

 

I was just thinking today of a proverb that seems very much like something my mom would say: "Learn to hold loosely all which is not eternal." I think that might fit with what you're undergoing.

 

I will pray for you Cindy Jane that you may find peace, as well as acceptance. We are all on a journey, and I want you to know you're not alone. :')

 

 

- Christian S.

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Hi Christian

 

Thanks so much for your response.  I am so sorry about the loss of your mother.  Thanks for sharing that scripture, it really helps with this task and I will keep it in my thoughts as I continue with this process.  It certainly does fit with what I am going through and puts it into perspective for me.  I find that most everything I struggle with in this life, I can find comfort for and answers for in reading God's Word.  

 

thanks so much

Cindy Jane

 

 

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Cindy Jane,

You're so welcome. And thank you for your kind words. I am sorry for the loss of both your father as well as your mother. I cannot begin to imagine how it would feel to experience those two losses in such a close time. Despite the fact far spaces might separate us, I hope you know that other people share in your grief - and hope this may somehow ease the burden.

 

I am thankful I was just able to make a positive impact however small. It is certainly a process. I want to distinguish between "moving," and "going on." I wouldn't say I personally will ever move on from the loss.. but I must go on. Our loved ones WOULD want this for us, I am certain of it! Even though sometimes.. we might not want this for ourselves.

 

I have faith I will see my mom again. Until then I must serve, be good to, and love others. I know then that I am truly honoring her.

 

Sorry for rambling. I wish you the emotional stamina that will be needed to continue in this process called life.

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Hi Cindy Jane, I am going through this same process now. I had lived with my mother and been her caregiver since 2008. SheI passed away on September 27th. This past weekend I began to start going through her things, starting with her clothing. It is definitely hard. I actually made it through bagging the clothes up pretty good, but when I was finished and looked at that pile of trash bags, I felt like I was throwing her away and was just devastated. Just trying to pace myself. It is very gut wrenching. She had saved many of my father's things and memories of him are coming up as well. Just taking it a day at a time. It helps to know she is now in heaven with dad, but this hurts. I miss her terribly. 

Brad

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Brian,

My deepest sympathy to you during this terrible time. Words are not quite adequate, I can imagine...

 

It somehow makes me feel better reminding myself our loved ones have in fact passed onto a better place than this world. Unfortunately, we are the ones still here picking up the pieces.

 

I will say a prayer for you and your beloved.

 

That is a very good attitude to have, too, to take it just a day at a time.

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No it is not easy. Started going through my mom's items and she kept everything. Every card, picture, drawing, note we ever gave her. The clothes were easy, papers and stuff not so much. Everything brings back memories. Canceled checks from school clothes shopping (I graduated 26 years ago), so hard to decide what to throw and what to keep. Every item I found with her handwriting only dug the knife deeper into my heart. I miss her so much. Know you aren't alone.

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