No more happiness

[Mel1026]

Life will never be the same. Husband died march 15, 2014. He had been sick for a long time but I never wanted to have to make the decission to unhook the life support. We were married 32 wonderful years. He always liked to make me laugh. Now I have nothing to laugh about.

[HeyJude]

I was married 32 years also and I know exactly what you mean.  It is more than just our husbands being gone.  It is almost like life itself is gone.  Sorry for your loss.

[Ange]

my husband just passed Sep 30 and I am lost and I don't know how to continue I don't find myself I feel I am in a nightmare I going to wake up and everything will be as was, He had a cardiac arrest at home and I felt so powerless and alone he died for about 7 min and then was transported to hospital and for 9 days in life support I cant take the images of my mind since I stayed there by his side hoping he would be back to me until I had to decide off the life support I am so lost its like now what the past sometimes is not in my mind and the present is devastating and the future I can even imagine. Please give me some kind of support since I have family but even their words and support seems unreal to me I am so scared of the future without him alone 

[Shattered14]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I understand how you feel because I too lost my husband. It is so very difficult each day. I try very hard to not think about the future because it is really just too overwhelming. Try to focus only on getttng through today.....sometimes just the hour or even the moment. I wish I had something to say to help you but I dont. I cant help myself. I do find this site to be some help. A place to let out some thoughts and emotions to others who truly understand how horrible it is. You are not alone.

[HeyJude]

One day at a time.  That is all you can do right now.  Every day I kind of evaluate the day and say to myself "today I am okay.  I have everything I need and everything is fine".  It is far too soon for you to even begin to imagine a future.  You have to try to get those images of your husband out of your mind.  The best way to do that is look at pictures of him.  Sure, it is going to make you cry and it is going to break your heart but look at him as he was prior.  My husband was on a respirator for a long time.  So long they had to take him off and do a tracheotomy.  He started bleeding internally and lost 16 pints of blood.  They couldn't do anything other than wait to see if it would stop on its own.  It did but what I'm getting at is my husband was very sick and he didn't look anything like his self but those images are not what I see when I think of him.  I see a healthy him, a happy him.  I miss him terribly, only you fellow widows/widowers know how deep that missing feeling can be.

 

To me, and I know to everyone else here, this has been by far, the hardest thing I have ever had to endure.  For a long time I wanted to be dead too.  I didn't think I could live without my husband.  But I am, if you want to call this living.  I live one day at a time.

 

I pray for everyone here, that their sadness and heartbreak be softened. 

[Ange]

today is been very hard but it, I receive phone calls from my daughters and my sisters that cheer me up, it has been so hard because is like some days I am spaced out and others are like I am normal ( and I never will or do any drugs or alcohol I believe in natural remedies unless a person has a bad sickness of heart problems) and I get a lot of anxiety and cry even if I see a chair he used to sit or anything I see reminds my of him, I been going with my family members because the house sometimes its unbearable, but I feel like a nomad with no home even in my own place because sometimes I feel running out of here.  I am scare to drive and also get out of my house, if am with a family member or anywhere I feel that I have to go home because he needs me. I love my husband very much since  I took care of him almost since the bigining of our marriage  18 years ago, I didn't know what a bipolar, Post Dramatic Vet., was so my naive personality and ignorance to those issues took me to a coodependant personality, so he became my husband, my responsibility and almost as a Child because he always needed approval or confirmation of almost everything, So you see I feel I lost 2 people my husband and my child in one.  

[Mel1026]

Its been 9 months. I don't like my life now.

Its nice to read others in same situation. Maybe

some day I will feel better. Its really hard to loose. your

mate of 32yrs. I also had to give up our home. I now live

with a sister. Although we get along really well its not

the same as my own home. Its. 4am and I just can't

Sleep. To many thoughts.

[HeyJude]

Yes Mel1026, it is really hard to loose your mate of 32 years.  That is how long we were married.  It is entire lifetime.  I almost feel like it is too late to start another lifetime, ya know?  Not that I want to, I don't, but just saying, if I did, there is no way that I could have another 32 yr marriage.  So why even bother.  I don't want to have to go through this again.

 

It does get easier though, it really does.  Doesn't mean I like it because I do not like this "widowed life" but I'm living.  I'm fairly happy and I'm content and I even think that I am emotionally prepared to live out the rest of my life alone.  Just me and my dogs.