getting people to understand

[JeanMihalick]

Why is it so hard to get people to understand how badly I'm hurting? My mom passed away a month ago. Its almost like people, especially my husband, expect me to be over it already. I'm already taking an anti depressant and anxiety medicine and have an appointment with my doctor to see about changing it or upping the dose to help me. I get up, do what I need to do around the house, make dinner, go to work, come home and go to bed. I have zero desire to do anything or go anywhere. I really just want to be left alone. I'm also the only one working right now so that adds to the stress. Work is horrible with drama and stuff going on with people beyond my control and it's all really getting to me. I'm not suicidal, but getting to the point where I either want to commit myself to the hospital or run away. Glad I have here to vent and have people understand. I miss her so much!

[Trish91]

Hi Jean,

I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I lost my dearly beloved mom in Dec/13 & I've been suffering more in the past six months than during the first three & that's cos I was in shock & trying to sort out my moms estate during the 1st twelve weeks & once I came back to where I live & work, that's when it really hit me, reality hit me & I've been so anxious, sad & stressed out that I wake up very early & do not really enjoy anything anymore. I work because I have to, but my job is so stressful because of what I do & the numbers & types of people who I have to deal with, that it all adds to the sadness & shock of losing her way too soon, due to lung cancer even though she never smoked.

None of my friends, cousins or my husband have lost any of their parents so nobody understands, & I also get so angry at life, at God, that I am no longer the happy go lucky person that I was. I also take some meds, which help but obviously don't take away the pain.

I'm sorry that your husband isn't supportive enough. He obviously doesn't get it but will one day, when it happens to him.

Tell him how you feel or at least try to. You are under a lot of pressure & grieving so it's utterly unfair. What about your kids? Do you have any? We don't and sometimes I wish we did, to have some purpose in life. I just feel so lost without my mom!!!

Sorry, I really wish that I had a magic formula or real words of wisdom. All I can say is that I believe in God & I exercise a lot and those 2 things help as I know that I'll see my mom again & that exercise is good for my mind & soul. But I'm of course human and up & down constantly, more down than up actually.

I utterly sympathize with your situation & I'm really sorry for your pain as I have been in a lot of pain, unbeatable pain since my mom, my soul sister, my everything passed away, so I have an understanding of what you may be experiencing.

Warm regards and please don't hesitate to contact me if you wish to talk. And if you need a higher dose of your meds to help you out, go for it, but you need support at home 1st & foremost!!!

You're in my thoughts & prayers

[cindyjane]

Hi Jean, I am so sorry for your loss.  You ask a good question in ... "why is it so hard to get people to understand how badly I am hurting?"  Here is my take on it;  Prior to losing my parents, I was one of those people who did not understand.  I thought I understood but I didn't until I lost a parent myself.  This is one of those situations where a person has to go through this kind of loss to really understand.  As sincere as I was in my condolences to others with the passing of a parent, I really didn't get it until I went through this kind of loss myself. 

 

It's only been a month since you lost your dear mom and this is a fragile time for us.  I know that I became super sensitive and still am, but now I am mostly sensitive for other people's heartache in losing a parent.  I believe this is a good thing because in a way I feel that it helps me to be of some kind of support with others, even if it is only sharing a few comforting words. 

 

I believe that our loved ones are in a good place of no more suffering, no more grief, no more worldly problems.  If you are a person of faith this is a good time to draw on that faith.  For me, time and prayer is healing and I will keep you in my prayers.

 

take care

Cindy Jane

 

 

[JeanMihalick]

Thank you both. I have a 15 year old son, who is also grieving badly. He is misbehaving, won't talk, stuff like that. I try and hold it together for him but at times it's not easy. My husband had never been the most sympathetic man but I knew that when I married him. Things between us were strained before and it's gotten much worse since mom passed, which also adds stress. Although at this point I can honestly say I don't even care anymore. I may as well get divorced and be alone cause that's how I feel most of the time anyhow. Mom was the one who kept trying to talk me into working things out with him (he's not abusive). Now that she is gone, well I wonder what will happen now. Just so many emotions going through me at any given time I don't want to make a decision I'll regret later.

Wish there was a magic something to make all this hurt stop. On the plus side, I'm finally sleeping a little better so hope that will help my emotional state too.

[Pinkbaggirl]

. My husband had never been the most sympathetic man but I knew that when I married him. Things between us were strained before and it's gotten much worse since mom passed, which also adds stress. Although at this point I can honestly say I don't even care anymore. I may as well get divorced and be alone cause that's how I feel most of the time anyhow.

Dear Jean

I was also considering divorce last week because I also felt like I didn't care anymore. I just didn't have the strength to fight for my marriage. My psychologist told me, however, not to make any major decisions now, because I am grieving and everything is colored by the grief.

Grief is such a lonely experience because people who haven't lost a parent just do not get it. And even in the same family, people grieve differently. My mom is a lot more private about her grief...

So Jean, don't rush into divorce now. Give yourself time.

Something that is hard for me is that life goes on. Sometimes I want to scream "How can life just go on when my father us gone?"

To be honest - I think I'm in a denial of sorts. I still cannot accept his death. Part of me accepts it. In my mind I know he is gone. But my heart refuses to accept it.

Last week I wished I could be admitted to a psychiatric clinic or just go away on holiday. But I have to work.

Some days I just feel I am going through the motions...

My husband lost his dad when he was in his early twenties. So he can relate but at the same time he is not as emotional as I am.

Like I said - grief is a lonely road,