My Boyfriends Dream

[ryukyu_champloo]

My father passed away on September 13th, 2014.  He was fishing (his favorite thing to do) on a lake where his family cabin is located.  He had been going up there since he was 3 years old.  My Dad wasn't the healthiest man in the world, and we suspect that he either had a heart attack or stroke and fell into the water.  He was alone.  It was not the first time he ever went alone.  It took my family and the police search team to find his body from the lake.  We spent hours out on the lake from 7AM until dark.  His body was finally recovered exactly a week after he passed, on September 20th, 2014.  He lived in Idaho and I live in California.  The last time I saw him was 3 weeks ago when I decided to finally visit him during Labor Day weekend.  Prior to that last visit I hadn't seen him in over two years.  I am truly blessed and lucky that I got to spend that last week with him before he passed.

A couple night ago my boyfriend had a dream.  He said in the dream there was a building standing tall in a white space.  Not a stark white, but a glowy and comfortable white space.  In front of the building was a dock, and he saw my Dad sitting there on a white lawn chair.  He had a fishing pole and had a line cast out into the white space in front of him.  My boyfriend said that he smiled at my Dad, and that my Dad smiled back.  And that was it.

My Dads two sisters call it a vision.  A message from Dad to let us know we are okay.  It could be true.  Neither one of my aunts or I have been sleeping well since his passing, so he could have visited my boyfriend since he was having a hard time getting through to us.

My aunts call it beautiful and they cried tears of joy after hearing this, but all I felt was bitterness.  I am not a sucidal person, but there is a part of me that envies him.  It is never those who pass that suffer, but the ones left behind.  I would love to be sitting next to him right now casting my line into the space before me.  I miss him so much and just want to hear his voice and see his face.

I know it is selfish to feel this way because he truly is in a better place without any suffering, and for that I'm grateful.  But it doesn't change the fact that I want my Dad back.  I don't want to pick up the phone to try and call him out of habit only to realize there will be no answer on the other line.  I want to hear his laughter.

Thank you for letting me vent.

[JeanMihalick]

Hugs!! My mom passed away September 15th. I'd love to have a vision like that of my mom, who was also an avid fisherman. I'm not sleeping well either so maybe that's why. I keep asking her to let me know she OK and happy. Maybe some day she will come through to me. I've never felt such a deep ache as I do since she passed. I have thought of ending it to be with her but 1. She'd probably smack me when she seen me and 2. I can't do that to my kids. They just lost their grandmother, I can't put them through losing me. So I'll just suffer. Vent away! That's why we are all here.

Jean