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Does it get worse at 6 Months


Katie.Gent

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My dad dead after a short two month battle with Leukemia in April. I was truly a dad's girl and he was everything to me. As he was to many other people. I know many people look to him for advice as I did. Any time I needed anything he would be there for me advice, a shoulder to cry on or a push in the right direction. 

 

To loose him so short was hard enough then less then a month later I lost my job. And my rock was gone, the one man in my life to go to. I still have a great family of support with two brother and a great mom. But not that rock that would be there any time I need him. I feel like I am in this horrible nightmare I can not wake up from. 

 

Now my emotions seem to get worse and I see to be missing him more and more now. Just wish he could come back, I love the dreams when he is in them just wish they were true and we could be having the time together. 

 

It so hard to see a life with out him in it. I know there no time table on grieving and set patter on how emotions will effect you. I am thankfully seeing someone to help with all of this. 

 

But wondering if anyone out there has any option or suggestions they have done to help them done to remember or do to get through the harder times. I know they will happen but I was looking for some advice. 

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Hi Katie, I am so sorry for your loss.  I lost my dad a couple of weeks ago and still feeling raw inside.  I lost my mom almost a year ago and still not over that.  My dad has taught me a lot in my life but the most important thing he taught me was in this last year since my mom passed on.  He said, "you don't get over it ... you get on with it."  Not only did he say that, he also lived it.  He was a fine example of getting on with it.  He was heartbroken when my mom left us yet he got up every day, made his breakfast, worked in the yard and did the things he has always done.  Sometimes he would burst into tears in the middle of a task and talk about our loss, but he got on with life because he knew that is what my mom would want.  Now that he is gone, I know that is what he would want for me ... to carry on and be the best person that I can be. 

 

There are times that I feel so heartbroken and during those times I tell myself all of the things I have to be grateful for.  To mention a few ... that I had them both for parents, that I had them for as long as I did, that until they both got sick they lived healthy and happy lives.  So those are the things that I think about when I get feeling sad.  It really does help to lift the sadness. 

 

take care

Cindy Jane

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Yes, I think early on, you are still in shock and this has a very protective function. I've heard it said that grief peaks between 3-6 months but I would say, my grief didn't feel any better until 12-18 months. The one year anniversary was exceptionally hard and it was only after I passed that marker that I started to feel a little lighter.

I will also share a story. When my mom was sick, she talked with me about how she felt when her father had passed. She said "it felt like I was never going to smile again." But, in time she did... And I have tried to remember and take strength from that. When she was in Palliative care, she told me what she wanted for me. She said "everyday, the sun will come up and you will say, today will be a good day, because my mom said it would." She was trying to tell me to go on, to continue to try to find the sunshine and the joy despite the sadness... That I know she knew when her father passed. So, after she died when I'd see a beautiful sunrise, I would try to smile and say "today will be a good day, because my mom said it would." It helped me. I think you just have to do your best to move forward in their memory... Knowing that it will be hard and you will struggle... But, I imagine that our loved ones will understand and respect or struggle. All the best to you.

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