How long before you felt ready to go back to work?

[Pinkbaggirl]

My father died on 30 August. He was terminally ill, but lived longer than his doctors expected. He was diagnosed four years ago and doctors told him he would not live longer than four months. I am thankful for the extra time we had but I wish we had more time.

I still cannot believe/accept that he is gone.

I took two weeks off from work. Started working yesterday again, but I am struggling. I cannot focus, and I struggle to concentrate.

I know grief has no timeline but can someone please tell me how long it will take for me to feel normal again.

Sometimes I feel semi-okay (numb) but other times I feel emotional and tearful.

I have a history of major depression, but I have been on Sertraline since 2010 and have been symptom-free since then. But now I am scared of relapsing back into depression. Is there anyone here who had a history of depression and then relapsed after the death if a parent? How do I know the difference between normal grief and depression?

I feel lost. I want my father back. I want more time. I want this to be a bad dream so that I can wake up.

[around_here11]

I know exactly how you feel. My job only allowed 3 days of bereavement, but I took 2 weeks after my mom passed. But it still didn't feel like enough. I don't have a history of depression, but I did have a history of anxiety, and it heightened even more after my mom's death. I wasn't sleeping, I couldn't focus at work, sometimes I would get these random panic attacks and my chest felt tight and I could hardly breathe. I had to go to the doctor at that point to get medication for both anxiety and depression, which did help, over time. Honestly I know how hard it is, but it does get better. My situation may be slightly unusual because I had to go back home and take care of my dad and brother who lived in a different city. I asked my employer if I could work from home and they agreed. I don't think relapsing anxiety/depression is anything to be ashamed of. People handle grief in their own way and there is no right or wrong way. If a person needs medication to help them cope, then I say do what you need to do. If what your feeling is hurting your job performance, then I suggest going to your doctor and/or seeing a counselor for some additional help. I don't know your job situation, but sometimes with a good and fair employer, they may even help you out as well, like mine did.

[Pinkbaggirl]

I know exactly how you feel. My job only allowed 3 days of bereavement, but I took 2 weeks after my mom passed. But it still didn't feel like enough. I don't have a history of depression, but I did have a history of anxiety, and it heightened even more after my mom's death. I wasn't sleeping, I couldn't focus at work, sometimes I would get these random panic attacks and my chest felt tight and I could hardly breathe. I had to go to the doctor at that point to get medication for both anxiety and depression, which did help, over time. Honestly I know how hard it is, but it does get better. My situation may be slightly unusual because I had to go back home and take care of my dad and brother who lived in a different city. I asked my employer if I could work from home and they agreed. I don't think relapsing anxiety/depression is anything to be ashamed of. People handle grief in their own way and there is no right or wrong way. If a person needs medication to help them cope, then I say do what you need to do. If what your feeling is hurting your job performance, then I suggest going to your doctor and/or seeing a counselor for some additional help. I don't know your job situation, but sometimes with a good and fair employer, they may even help you out as well, like mine did.

Hi. Thanks for replying. I have a supportive boss and colleagues. The problem is that I am a professor, so if I take time off from work, them it means a colleague has to teach my classes. If I had an office job I would ask my doctor to book me off on sick leave, but as a professor I feel guilty about someone else teach my classes. When I returned this week some of my students told me they missed me and were glad I'm back, and that they didn't like the professor who taught in my place.

I saw my doctor today and she does not want me teaching for the next week. She also prescribed a medication to help calm me. I feel okay now, but as you know the grief comes in waves. And the problem is that I do not know when the next wave of tears will come. I'm so scared of falling apart just before a class, and not being able to compose myself

Some people lose themselves in work when grieving, as a way of coping. I almost wish I could do that...

Thanks for your support.

Liv

[JeanMihalick]

My mom passed away last Monday. I got the standard 3 days off and took vacation days for Thursday and Friday. I go back to work tomorrow and am currently experiencing a panic attack because I know I'm not ready, but really don't have a choice. Miss her so much, we had our disagreements but she was my best friend. Know you aren't alone.

[Pinkbaggirl]

My mom passed away last Monday. I got the standard 3 days off and took vacation days for Thursday and Friday. I go back to work tomorrow and am currently experiencing a panic attack because I know I'm not ready, but really don't have a choice. Miss her so much, we had our disagreements but she was my best friend. Know you aren't alone.

Thinking of you Jean. I don't know why employers think 3 days is enough time off to grieve! We need so much more time. I will say a special prayer for you tonight.

Liv

[JeanMihalick]

I wonder that too. 3 days is not enough time. I'm thankful for the prayers and hoping for a decent day. Tomorrow will be the worst because of all the I'm sorry's. Wish I could take more time off but there is no way and I'm a factory worker so working from home is not an option. One step at a time, I guess. Have a feeling I'll be spending a lot of time in the ladies room crying.

[Pinkbaggirl]

Jean, I could deal with the "I'm sorry" I could not deal with the " how are yous?" Such a stupid question! How do they think a person who lost a loved one is! I got tired of that pretty fast.