Father died yesterday, I have so many different emotions

[msfelton9800]

My father left us (3 kids, my mom) when I was around 7 for another woman with 4 children. After my mom worked through the hurt and pain we visited my dad growing up. But, he was never really a father to us. He wasn't at our football games or competitions, etc. After many years of pain from not being a daddy's girl and not understanding why he didn't really take care of us I forgave him and began to move on with my life.

 

I shared with him my pain and he told me that he didn't realize how the separation of my parents really affected me, so I am at peace now knowing that I no longer carry that burden that was not mine to carry.

 

So the last 3 years of his life have been rough. He was diagnosed with diabetes, then renal disease, down to one kidney on dialysis, toe amputations, partial foot amputations, sepsis, massive heart attack, and double bypass surgery. He was recently hospitalized after passing out at dialysis for the second time and he just went downhill from there.

 

I am experiencing so many different emotions, I had a baby 14 months ago and have been battling postpartum depression. I have had 2 relatives pass away in the last year, my mother is ill on oxygen at 51 and now I have to bury a father who never was a father to me and I have to work with a woman who intentionally took my dad from his family.

Any suggestions on how to get through these painful emotions?