Advance Grieving for Mother With Terminal Cancer

[DixieDoodle78]

Hello everyone. This is my first time at these forums. Is it okay if I ask about grieving in advance or worrying about the future regarding the loss of a parent?

 

My beloved mother has brain cancer and it is not looking great for long term survival. As an only child, I am terrified of being left alone and what Mom's death will represent this large void in my life. At this present time, I am spending as much time with her as I can and hopefully bringing her peace of mind on this bizzarre journey from this illness.

 

I find that I am mourning not only for myself but for my mother's life as well. Grief is a multi-faceted thing. I am sad for the life she did not have and how she deserved so much more. Mom has a tendency to be depressed (even before the cancer) and this affected her self-esteem and was illustrated by her procrasination in many areas of life (marriage, money, etc.).

 

It breaks my heart to see Mom suffering now and not having the best quality of life. No one deserves this. I know other people lose their parents but I am truly terrified that I will not be able to get over this. Yes, I know I can't think this far ahead but I can't help it.

 

Does anyone recommend first steps or have stories to share? I want to build a wonderful legacy for my mom and make her proud of me. She always tells me how proud she is and we have a very close/best friends relationship.

[cindyjane]

Hi Dixie

 

I am so sorry that you are going through this and will keep both your mom and you in my prayers.  I lost my mom almost a year ago.  She was sick in the hospital for 6 weeks prior to leaving us.  Seeing a loved one sick and dying is a very difficult process.  I wish I could offer up some words to take away the sadness and grief you are going through, but because you love your mom so much it hurts to see her like that.  I didn't accept the fact that my mom was dying, or maybe was in denial but in looking back at those weeks, I am sooooo grateful that I was there with her every day.  I really believe that she could hear us and knew that her family was there, even when she couldn't respond.  She just knew and that brings me comfort.  As far as not getting over this, I know that I will never get over losing my mom.  I've just learned to get on with it.  That is what she would want. 

 

I am glad that you found this place and would suggest to keep coming here.  The good people here are so supportive.  Take care and be sure to stay on top of getting rest.

 

Cindy Jane