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The overwhelming feeling that comes back is not fun...


Tryingtohavehope

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Tryingtohavehope

It has been almost 8 months since I lost my boyfriend Keith! I have been getting along okay until I went to a two day country concert this weekend! I was good until day two when Cassadee Pope (from The Voice) sang the only song I know of hers! She sang "Wasting All These Tears," and I fought back tears because Keith begged me to dl that song shortly before he died! He used to watch The Voice and hoped that she would win! I fought tears through the rest of her set, Kip Moore and Tim McGraw! I got home and cried myself to sleep! I miss him sooo much! Seeing all the couples there made me miss him even more knowing he shouldve been there with me! :( I hope itll eventually get easier and I dont want to replace him but I feel so lonely without a man to talk to every night! :(

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Hi TTHH, may I call you that?!

 

I'm new to (many) online exchanges - by choice - and though not new to the death of a loved one- have had many throughout my long life- the recent sudden and unexpected death of my significant other of the past 24 years. has left me devastated. I totally accept the idea and I do believe that he lives on, on the otherside "of the veil"; I believe he has comforted me a couple of evenings and tried to communicate that he's here; none the less, he is not here, and I MISS HIM SO VERY MUCH.

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Tryingtohavehope

Sure, you can call me that! I too feel and believe my Keith is with me all the time! It's just a very different feeling and I dont like it! :( I wish he could be here in the physical form! I know he's no longer suffering but I feel like Im the one suffering now! I feel like Im all alone because Ive only met his sister one time (while he was in the hospital), but I know I could talk to his family if I need too just dont want to bring emotions back to them!

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ooops...told you I was unfamiliar with online communication process- bear with me!

 

I wanted to empathize with you, that it's hard to leave the apartment (at first the apartment was a problem - everything was all us or him, and yet, he was not here anymore) now it's hard to leave the apartment because sooooo very much will expectantly (how can you even go to the market you once shopped in?) or worse yet, unexpectantly bring up a memory, unless you go in zombie mode, and that's not acceptable recovery behavior, is it? Even then, the memories will pop up in way that's harder to cope with.

 

I want to get to the point where I can treasure them/ those memories. People I've asked- people I've often considered rather insane, actually, yet still find myself going to upon occasion, perhaps now I can see why, will say that that's the way they honor and cope with their lost loves - to embrace in the sorrow the most intimate, inscrutable, subtle, excruciating glimpses of our shared lives together.  But that seems so far off. In the meantime my heart is heavy and breaking. Thank you for inviting me to share in your sorrow too. Somehow it seems an easier load to offer you consolation too and in expressing it, seek some for myself.

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about talking to his family - I know what you mean- and no matter how much they have grieved in the loss of a sibling, no matter how supportive they are, it's just not the same as losing your lover - your man - they know that and that's the first thing that propels them to reach out to you with the sympathy they do. That doesn't make them bad - just - until you go through it with someone you care deeply for as a partner - you can just never understand.

 

I find myself - not daydreaming - but more in revery about possible scenarios where I might feel or find comfort, but then, I have no real time interest or that makes me feel guilty- but yes, I get lonely. But I'm lonely for him and not even for anyone I might imagine.

 

But this is only a few weeks for me...is it different for you...can you open yourself up to other people yet?

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Tryingtohavehope

I find it hard to open up to other men now but mainly because Ive come to the conclusion they dont care what I have to say about my dead boyfriend! Almost like Im supposed to be over him already! I will NEVER be over him, but I do hope the pain becomes more bareable to deal with, Id like to find love again because I know hed want me to be happy! Im not going to force anything though and I have been praying and using my faith that I will know when and who! I have asked him to let me know when the man he wants me to be with walks into my life so hopefully ill know...if im even supposed to love again!

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Not to be callous, but why would they? If they are interested in you, they don't want to compete with the memory of your boyfriend.

 

I started to participate in dating sites, and I've found it much easier to talk to widows than with divorced women and singles. One divorced woman I talked to said that she was worried that I would get attached very quickly and be hard to dump if things didn't work out. I actually thought that the bigger problem would be that I would want to find someone who has the desirable qualities of my late girlfriend, and I might push that kind of thing too hard. With a divorced person, the hardest thing is to avoid triggers that remind them of their ex. With a widow(er), the hardest thing is living up to the image of the late partner.

 

You will never be over him, and I will never be over my late girlfriend, but there will come a time when my life doesn't involve her so much. Even now, I'm being a little "mechanical" by scheduling certain important days so I don't have to keep all of this stuff in my head. For example, I have set up a reminder for every year on the day we had our first date, which is also the day she died (not the same year, obviously).

 

After my mom died, my dad found a new partner within a couple of years. She was divorced. They were together for over 15 years and they were dedicated to each other, but they never got married. My mom and dad's marriage had been perfect, and he didn't want to spoil that. His girlfriend's marriage had been terrible, and she didn't want to risk that a second marriage might have problems.

 

I think that you will need to give any new relationship a bit of time to develop before you say very much about your dead boyfriend. In the long run, I think you will have to mostly deal with this yourself or with old friends who knew him.

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dcell 59, that's very sound advice...wise man.

 

TTHH is a smart and lovely young woman, and I bet she'll agree, but she'll listen to her heart too, and potential suitors who disregard her emotions, and those people come and gone who've made her what she is, emotionally, spiritually, presently, those who want it freshly organized for them alone, will not capture her interest, anymore than the divorcee's did yours.

 

You will all be fine, I can tell.

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People keep saying healing& time,.will make things easier..I just see I have a very long way to.go..I wuz reading bout dating sites on one of the posts. I don't know or foresee time.changing me..But I kinda feel like my partner, will be the last man I give my heart& love to. I just don't think I could.stand to love& lose again. Just hurts too much. I feel like I might one day be able to deal with his loss. But I'll never get over losing him the way I did. With all the nastiness, I got from his mother, treated like a nobody in his life. Made losing him even harder.

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Snownanne,.I'm early& new at this too. He only passed 2 wk ago. As for dating down the road, I just don't see me doing that. It just hurts too much losing someone u love. I didn't tho anytg could hurt as much, as losing my mom 20+yes ago. This loss has broken my heart. Again. So sorry for ur loss& pain.

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my own broken heart breaks for you, my dear. it just occurred to me, maybe that's the some, if any, good from a heart breaking into fragments...there's enough to share. a shard for each heart and soul in the world, because we all, every last one of us, will suffer while on this plane. sincerely, I am here with you and for you.

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