Loss of my Mom

[shoeprincess13]

I'm new to this site and I lost my mom on 7/24/2014 to an 8 month battle with gastric cancer. She was doing so well up until 6/25/14 when the chemo stop working and she got pneumonia. She received oral antibiotic and we were on a good path, our plan was to do a new research trail of chemo, but on 7/4 the pneumonia return and she was hospitalized, she was d/c on 7/11 and return back to hospital on 7/14. This time the pneumonia was so bad that she also had fungal infection and cancer spread throughout her whole entire body. 

During the time of her release and re-admitted, my family and I were in Aruba. I spoke to her several times, but it was very difficult since the country has no cellular phone service.  I returned on 7/15.

I know in my heart and knowing how my mom loved her family, she waited until I came home and made sure I had a wonderful time, before she departed. My mom was the most loving and unselfish person you could ever meet. She loved her family and always put us first.

I have many struggles at this time. I’m having a difficult time of letting go of the grief. I feel like there is a hole in my heart. I don’t feel her or have no sign of her being near me. I talk to her all the time, but I don’t like she is around me? Why???

I miss her so much; all I want is to hear her voice one more time.

 It’s the worst pain that anyone can go through.

My dad and brother seem fine and I don’t know why I can’t be more like them why?

Can please help me through this

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[Sbelavek]

shoeprincess13,

 

I know your pain.  My mom passed in the same month and from the same cancer!  It is a rare cancer for women and as young as they are.  My mom passed on 7/9/2014.  On the 4th of July, she stopped eating.  I got hospice in my home (she lived with me for the last 3.5 months) and she went within 5 days.  It happened so quickly it's all a blur.  I am still in denial, shock.  I play through the scenario in my head every day, and long to give her one great big hug and hear her voice just once more.

 

My siblings are doing surprisingly well, especially my younger sister whom we thought would die right along with my mom.  Instead, I'm the one having the most difficult time.  I cry every single day.  I am struggling to find joy in things, including my newborn baby that I delivered 5 weeks after my mom passed.  He's now 10 days old.  My mom didn't make it to meet him. 

 

People who have endured this tell me it doesn't get better, but it gets easier.  They say that time allows our hearts and minds to accept the absence of our moms and learn how to live with it.  It sounds awful still.  On top of being emotional, I'm experiencing anger toward other people who still have their parents around.  My husband has both of his parents, older than my mom was, and going strong!  He doesn't understand my pain and deep sense of loss, although he tries.

 

It sounds like your mom was definitely waiting for your return so that you could say goodbye.  What a selfless act of love for her child/children.  Live for her.  Be strong for her. 

 

I'm here to talk.

 

Shauna

[cindyjane]

I am so sorry for both of your losses.  The hardest thing I ever went through was losing my mom 10 months ago.  I can see the love that you both have for your mothers in the words you shared, and it brings to mind that saying "it is better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all."  My heart still remains heavy over my mom's passing but now when I think of her, along with the sadness of missing her, I also have feelings of gratefulness to have had her for my mom.  I am starting to get to a point where when I think of her, the feelings of grateful are over-riding the feelings of sadness. 

 

Also, over these months my faith has grown because the only real comfort I get is in knowing that one day we will meet again, only it will be in a much better place so until then I will try to live by her example and be the best person I can be. 

 

I use to also think that my sister and brother are getting through this just fine but I don't live with them or see them every day so I don't know what is in their hearts therefore I no longer try to measure their grieving to mine.  She was their mother too so there is no doubt that they are also going through their own grieving process.  My feelings are my own, not theirs...just as their feelings are theirs, not mine.  Not sure if this makes any sense but it is where I am at right now and the important thing is that I have a life-time of wonderful memories of my mother and each one of those memories makes me feel grateful above anything else.  Take care

 

Cindy Jane

[shoeprincess13]

I know in time I will be able to talk and laugh more when I speak of her, but right now all I feel a sadness and hole in my heart, but when I do I visit her gravesite (her second home, as she would joke) I feel a calmness and peace and that   because she still there and near me.  But then after that it starts all over again.

Shauna, I also have anger towards my in-laws, the both are still living, but are very ill. Father-in-law has diabetes and has his leg amputee 3 years and still sits in a wheelchair and does nothing to live a quality of life. My mother-in-law has had Hep C for over 50 year and still living. I have no relationship with my husband family, but have always been respectful up until now.

Durning my mother illness not one of my in-laws (mother, father sister or brother) reached out to me of support. After the passing of my mom they never came to my mom viewing. I’ve been trying to deal with the anger towards them but it’s hard. I think I’m more hurt for my husband and son then anything.

This has been the main struggle in our marriage!! My husband say he understand how and I feel and excepts my decision on me having nothing to do with ever again, but they are still his family and  He doesn't understand my pain and sense of loss.

How do you let go and be a peace when you family member that don’t support you.?