Losing my Dad to cancer

[debbietrask19]

We had a horrific 2013 - in June of that year my Mum had a fall and subsequent "unsurvivable" brain bleed, we lived in ICU and the High Dependency Unit then rehab for months and she is a true miracle in that she has survived with only damage down her left side similar to a stroke and issues with her short term memory.  We are a really close family and my Dad was at first devastated but stayed strong and helped us 4 girls look after Mum as she recuperated.  On the 24th of September last year, the day after Dad's birthday, he was diagnosed with Stage 4 terminal cancer, we were reeling.  He went into hospital for radiation therapy for the pain in the hopes it would just give him enough time to get his affairs in order, he died in hospital on the 6th of October last year, the day before Mum's 69th birthday.

He was my perfect man - I talked to him, we shared a love of business and politics.  He lived for his 10 grandkids and would do anything for anyone.  He was the nicest, most generous, person and I had the privilege of having him as my Dad.

The first thing he did when the specialist told him he was dying was stand up and shake his hand saying 'I really feel for you what an awful thing for you to have to tell people'.  He always thought of everyone else before himself.

I have no regrets - Dad knew we adored him and respected him and we knew he loved us with all his heart but oh God I miss him so much it's a physical hurt.  With Mum still not being 100% none of us have been able to grieve with her, it's all been about her.  I love my 3 sisters but we are all very different and we haven't been able to grieve together either.  Now we are facing some painful milestones in the next 6 weeks - our first Father's Day, Dad's Birthday, Mum & Dad's wedding anniversary, the 1st anniversary of Dad's death and the day after Mum's 70th birthday.

I feel as if I'm falling apart - I try not to think of Dad as if I do I just start crying and I'm scared I won't stop.

[ModKonnie]

Debbietrask,

I am so very sorry for your losses. You certainly did have a tough year, and it will be difficult to get through the anniversaries, but you will make it. It's okay to cry about your Dad; you will stop after a good long, heart-felt cry. Your father sounds very similar to mine; he was a kind man through and through. We buried my father 5 years ago today, as a matter of fact, on my daughter's birthday.

Perhaps you can do something special, like start a new tradition on each special anniversary or something for all of the ones coming up. Maybe your sisters and you can work together to plan something like a quiet memorial, or a contribution to a charity or even a nice dinner.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie